Stressed and Confused

Well, finally Simon had returned to the UK from his summer job in France and some cycling adventures in Spain. After 4 months of on and off communication due to this summer job in France and my super busy work, we started talking again last week (chatting online).
I am so confused, when we first talked again I didn't feel any type of excitment, I felt like I was talking to a regular friend and it scared me. We have been chatting since and I thought I will get those feelings back but so far...nothing
We had plans of him coming to visit me here in the US in January and he said he will buy his ticket this week. I have not told him how I feel now and its so stressing and confusing..I am not sure I want to be in a relationship with him anymore...I feel like I got used to not talking to him and  being alone, got very involved in what I am doing now,  I am afraid of the relationship not working out and having to get my son involved in all of this...and I have been thinking a lot about "our future" and I know is horrible to say this but I am not sure if I see that future anymore and I think I should tell him how I feel before he even buy his ticket..... I feel like such a b*tch  I want those feelings to come back, I want to feel what i felt before am sorry guys..I needed to let it out.

Don't be sorry for venting here. We all have things we need to get out from time to time and this is a supportive place to do it. I wish I had some advice for you, or something to make you feel better. I haven't been in your situation, but I have been in a long distance relationship for a long time now and have gone through lots of ups and downs.

I can only advise you to talk to Simon, let him know your feelings, fears and thoughts. It's only fair, and maybe in sharing with him you will sort out some things for yourself. Have you talked other than online? I would suggest talking by phone at least. It makes a big difference to hear the voice at the other end of the line to make the other person "real" again. Best of luck to you, whatever you decide.

I am so confused, when we first talked again I didn't feel any type of excitment, I felt like I was talking to a regular friend and it scared me. I want those feelings to come back, I want to feel what i felt before am sorry guys..I needed to let it out.

But does there constantly need to be that 'excitement' factor? 

After nearly 5 years together, my husband and I still have that physical attraction for each other.  BUT, we are also so comfortable w/each other, that often it's just like speaking to a 'regular' friend.

Of course, b/c he is not just my lover, he is my life partner, the man I will grow old with, warts and all, the man who's been beside me during the swings and roundabouts.

I love him even more now I know I can just share myself as I am w/him and he can, too.

Not all of it is exciting or giddy rapture by any stretch, but this is the stuff of the real thing, the one that lasts and lasts.

Vent away!

But honestly continue doing some hard thinking, as you are, about what a long-term partnership needs to mean for you.

Fireworks are great, but when you're talking the long haul, sometimes just the cozy fire is just as wonderful.

You should definitely talk to him about it.  Maybe you two can agree to put off the visit for later if both of you are still interested down the road.  Definitely you want to get it off your chest before he came to visit and you both had a miserable time because you've got that thought running through your head.  Sometimes, unfortunately, you just don't feel it anymore for that person and that's ok as long as you're not leading him to think otherwise.  Good luck with it all.

You really should speak to him live.  Explain to him how you are feeling and talk it through.  You need to know how he feels as well.  He may be having the same concerns. 

In every relationship there is the unknown of "is going to work out?".  I think it's a tad bit more difficult in an LDR sometimes since you have to take such a huge leap of faith and really trust your partner.  Open communication is so very important. 

If this is the person that you are going to be with, you shouldn't hesitate to tell him how you feel.  It's only fair to him and to yourself.

Good luck with it!  I know it's all very hard and venting here really can keep you sane.

Thank you guys for your words. I called Simon yesterday and I told him the way I am feeling now and I thought it was better if he didn't come in January. I said I needed some time to put myself together, I am going through a lot of changes in my life now and I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable when he comes, that wouldn't make things better but worse. So he agreed and said he still loves me and will give me time to think and we will see where our relationship goes from now, but we will try to keep the communication going. I hope this is just a phase.....I hope things work out at the end.

Glad to see you two were able to talk things over. It is good he is willing to step back and give you the time and space you need right now to try and sort things out. I hope in time, things will be more clear for you.

I didn't post on here because I honestly didn't have any good advice.  I'm glad that you are getting the space you need to resolve your feelings!  I hope you get some clarity soon!