Re: Does it get any easier?

Hiya Ann,

 I wanted to start by saying,no you are never alone,esp here.At least one person here has gone through what you are.Dont feel sorry about venting either,thats what we are here for,to listen and even if we can always have the answers,there is always a (((Hug)))

I see by your profile that you have been a member here for almost a year now,and I assume that you have been in the UK for just as long.

Its very normal to have confusing feelings on where you belong.You said that when you went back home it was different.I think part of that is because you have lived in a foreign country for awhile now,and its natural after so long to feel detached from your home country.As it has been discussed here many times ,even the UK has many different ways from the US.After you have lived in a different country,then you are bound to pick up the many different habits and ways.

I know that you are very scared right now,and you dont want to make a wrong choice,but I think once you make a decision from your heart and head,then you will feel so much better.Taking that first step is the hardest,but it will get easier from there.

 It wouldnt be right for me to tell you to do this or to do that though.My only advise would be to sit down again with your hubby and talk about this more.You have to look inside yourself and weigh your choices and go from there.

If you decide that you want to stay in the UK,then keep trying ,join a local expat group,and keep trying to meet ppls from your area.Sometimes when it seems all hope is lost,thats when a door will open.
If you decide that moving back is what you really want,then first find out what all that details as far as the legal issues.I know there are people on here that might be able to help that way.

I believe in time,if you come back that you will get over that feeling strange being back home.It wont be long and you will feel like a yankie again

  No matter what you decide,I believe that the most important thing is the relationship that you have with your husband.Sometimes we make alot of sacrificies for our loved ones,but if in the end we still have that loving and trusting relationship,then it would be all worth it!

 I hope that I have helped in some way,even if it was small.I know that there are others here that will help you as much as they can also.Its like a family here,caring and supportive.
                           
                           (((Hugs)))
                                Rhia

Hiya Ann.
I know exactly how you feel. I've been here for almost a year and a half now. While I do love it, and I do love the country... sometimes I wonder if I'll ever feel "right" here. Then I wonder, well - what if we do move back to the US and I feel the same there? It's such a difficult, emotional thing for me most of the time. My English husband really wants to move to the US. He has an awful job situation here (long story) and knows that his job options and earning potential are SO much better in the US. We will eventually be moving back to the US. I go back and forth about being depressed and ecstatic about it. I suppose my pregnancy hormones aren't helping that either.   But no, I guess what I'm saying is that you aren't alone. There are hundreds of memebrs on this site, and hundreds of varying happiness levels. Some people love it and can't imagine turning back, some think about turning back for years but eventually get settled, some go back immediately, some hate it passionately and can't wait to go back, some are ambivalent, some don't know *what* they want. I usually fall into that last category. Give yourself some credit though, moving to a new country to be with the love of your life is sometimes an impossibly hard thing to do. It's is so much MORE of an adjustemnet than learning a few new words, finding product replacements, and eating different food. It's easy for me to say Don't feel guilty about moving back... but I know that when the time comes for us to move (which is dictated by husband's job situation sadly), I'll be such a bad of mixed feelings that I won't be worth a dime.  :-/

A million hugs to you, and best of luck whatever you decide. Please post more about it, vent with us, and let us help you if you need it.

And PS: here are some really good links about repatriation, for your information:
BCIS Immigration Forums: http://bcis.stephenpalik.com/index.php?act=SC&c=2
I-130 process: http://www.ameriscot.com/i130/
Personal visa stories: http://www.k1homepages.com/#uk
I-130 info site: http://www.geocities.com/immigration_helpsite/I-130/index.htm
Embassy's site: http://www.usembassy.org.uk/cons_web/visa/iv/immrel.htm

Oh Ann   you are SO not alone. I find myself in the same situation - and dare I say a little worse. At least you have the love and support of your husband. The others have given you great words of wisdom. Again - hugs!
Melissa

Ann, I don't think anyone has put these feelings into quite those words before.  Feeling like you don't belong in either place must be very disconcerting.  I'm so sorry for that.  I haven't moved over yet but it has concerned me too.  Just this morning I was thinking on how things would change in the US in my family's lives with out me.  It's an odd feeling.  

I'm glad your husband is willing to move back to the States.  You're lucky in that.  Best of luck to you in your move.  The moving part is never going to be easy.  But if you feel your heart is in the States and he wants to move with you....then sounds like you're moving.  

Remember to do your research here as well.  There is a moving board and a repatriation board too.  They should get you started.  Plus we are always here to listen.  We can surely sympathize with the moving issues.  Not to mention any mixed emotions.  

Please write soon and tell us how you're doing.  ((((Ann)))

Ann,

I'm sorry you've been having such a tough time of it.  I'm also glad your husband is willing to move back to the US.  Not every place works for everyone.  I think some communities may just be more difficult to settle into.

You are most certainly not alone.  Lots of folks on this site have expressed very similiar feelings.  I send big hugs your way.  

-Sandy

Ann,

As you can see from your replies, you really aren't alone.  

Good luck with your move, and I hope that you enjoy the time you have over here.  

wench

Well a year later, I still feel somewhat the same ...

Ann, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!  I've been here for two years and I can honestly say - living here has been a prison for me at times.  I do not like living here nor will it ever be my home.  I try not to focus on it as it just disables you, your moral, psyche, physically, etc.  I don't drive here either and nor do I work yet.  I just recently received my stamp to work and have been on a couple of interviews.  One is pending.  Working here would probably make me feel a little more in control but not much since I'm the only one who knows how I really feel as well as my husband.  I have not made one british friend on my own since living here the last two years.  The only british friends I have made are through my husband.  They are all great but the females seem to keep me at a distance.  I recently found out that all three of the gals all went out for a "girls night out" and did not bother to ask me.  Keep in mind all three of these gals were invited to our wedding with their husbands, so it's not like they don't know me.  I used to work with them when we all worked for the same company.  Can you say LOSER?  It's like I have a "Big L" engraved on my back.

So does it get easier it depends on the person and how well they like their surroundings, situation, etc.  I go out everyday, work out at the gym, keep myself busy because if I don't it's not good for me.  I also think living in London is harder since it's such a big city and you tend to get lost in it.  Just my opinion from my own experience the last two years.

I keep my feelings mostly to myself because for me it's just better that way.  I don't like dotting on my misery because I have so much to be thankful for and don't want to be viewed as selfish or unappreciative.  I try to keep away from posts like this because I feel I don't help the situation.  There are so many others who have had positive experiences living here.  I guess you can say I'm one of the outcasts here.   I don't like bringing people down, I like to bring them up.  Beside if you say you're happy, show you're happy it works **sometimes**.  That's what I keep on telling myself anyway.

The only thing that keeps me going here is my husband.  He has an awesome position and I would never ask him to leave because I can't cope here.  He has worked so hard and honestly it wouldn't make me a very supportive wife if I did ask him to leave.  I just hope one day that he will get that transfer to NYC since his boss is based there.  And the other thing is the travelling.  Which sounds horrible and a bit shallow.  But I love Europe and find the history here magnificent, far beyond our own and in a category all by itself.   So knowing that we plan weekend getaways to Rome, Madrid, Brugge, etc. keeps me going.  Because once we move back to NY let's face it what do we have when it comes to history?

Does it get any easier for some yes and for others no.  Il destino!  It's your destiny and you are in charge of it.  But it does get tiring at times and it's tiring always having to have a smile on your face when in fact all you want to do is just cry.

The other thing you tried and you conquered!  Remember it's better to have tried it than to not have tried at all!!  It's a big step leaving your surroundings, comfort, family, friends, country, etc.  That in itself is a huge accomplishment one not many take back in the States.  It's wonderful that your husband will make the move for you.  My husband keeps on telling me get that paperwork going but he has given up so much for me I can't ask him to leave just yet.

But no YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!  I can probably fill your ears for hours.  This is why this board is my savior so many times!!!

Thank you for the support hugs to you all

Thanks for the links Marlespo they are helpful. Though, I find myself falling into the last catagory as well.

Melissa, I'm sorry you're in the same situation.  [smiley=hug.gif]If you need to talk, I'm a good listener

NY state of mind, I sooo know how you feel about making a friend out here. The same happened to me and it's not a nice feeling. You feel the same as I do. Fill my ears, I'm always willing to listen  

Ann