Missing England

I'm going to type this out hastily before I head to bed, but it's been on my mind the past few.. well.. always.  

I miss Sean when he's not here (such is the case now).  I miss him dearly.  He's only been away a few weeks and I miss him like crazy.. lucky for me, he's returning "home" to me a week from tonight.  So, knowing I'll be seeing him again soon leads my mind wandering and missing other things.  

I miss England.  Plain and simple.  I love it dearly and I miss it desperately.  That's not to say that when I'm there, I don't moan and gripe about missing things back "home" in America, but when I'm here, the thought of being in England is a constant companion.  I miss the television shows and the food and the weather (yes, really) and the walks into town.  I miss it all.  I can't shake this feeling.  Maybe it's hitting so strongly because this is the longest I've been between visits since I first went in 2001.  My next trip will be May 7, and by that time, it will have been just over a year since I was last there (April 23, 2003).  It seems so distant now.  This time last year it was where I lived.  It was my home and my life and I had a daily routine.  One year later and there's little here in my current surroundings to remind me of that.  I so want to be there again.  With Sean of course.  It doesn't hold much appeal to think of being there without him.  I just wish May would come quicker.  

I feel so good there.  It's hard to explain.  I feel clean and good and 'normal', whatever that is.  I feel energized upon waking up.  I feel like going out and walking into town and past the river.  I feel like LIVING when I'm there.  Here, I just tend to exist.  I don't have a passion for life the way I seem to there.  It's frustrating wanting something so much and not having it for good.  I know most of you here are (happily?) settled in England now, but was there ever a time before you were, that you deeply yearned to be there?  That you just didn't feel satisfied being in America?  ::deep sigh::  It's odd the things you come to miss.  Everything there holds meaning to me, be it good or bad.  I just want that back.  I want what I had this time last year, and right now.. May seems so far away.  

You've put into words a feeling I've had such a hard time verbalizing. Even though I am here now, everything else rings true. People ask what possessed me to leave Florida and I never had a good enough answer. Nothing that really made them feel what I felt to understand enough.

It's the little things, like walking into the butchers and having a natter about the weather. Laughing with the teller at the bank. Buying fresh flowers at the local market stall. Running my cat to the vet for a checkup and it only taking 20 minutes, from the time I left to the time I got back. (Heck, I could have walked it if she wouldn't make such a ruckus while in the carrier.)

There may not be megadepartment stores and malls every mile down the road, but everything I need on a daily basis is in this little town. And they got it right because they've had about a thousand years to perfect it (heck, I just learned yesterday of a nearby bronze age dig). My little corner of the world here has a personality. It's gritty and has signs of age, but it lives and breathes because of every person here.

Yes, I too feel like I finally have a life. Florida always felt so temporary and plastic.

I don't think I eased your homesickness any...sorry!  :-/

LisaE knows that I feel exactly the same as she does about life in Florida.  And I completely understand how you feel, Terinth.  It's like you're on *hold* when you're in the US - and you're only really living and breathing when you're in the UK.  

I can't ease the feeling, I can only let you know that you are definitely not alone in what you're feeling.  

 Girl ,Iam sure that if you actually talk to me like others here has   that you will find that Iam going through what you are Terinth ,and that if I could snap my fingers and be back in the UK today then I would.

The waiting is  driving  me crazy it seems sometimes and I can get very down thinking about it.....but I know I will survive the waiting and before I know it then I will be home  

  Many   and I sound like a broken record but hang in there girl!You too will have you happiness again.

Oh I can so identify!  I keep reeling myself in though.  I tell myself I was only a tourist, that I was only happy because I finally was near my love.  That look at how hard it has been for so many that have moved.  I reign in my idealism.  

I remember that feeling of coming home only once in my life.  The day I landed in Spain after 10 years of being away.  I remember the heart breaking day I had to fly home.  Three years later I was back for good only to have reality slap me across the face and bring me home a year later.  I also learned then that the reality of day to day life tarnishes that ideal a bit, that there are things that get to you....things that you wish were more like other places.  I also learned that no place is perfect, but that the typical US lifestyle perpetuated in suburbia was not for me.  I still feel at home when in Spain I still miss it terribly, but I also feel at home in NYC and even the UK.

For me it was realizing that I need the older, crumbly, walkable living places filled with the vibrant energy of being over anything else.  (Just like many places in the UK!)

I also realized it's all temporary the right now and one day I will live in Spain again even if it's in a holiday home.  It's in my soul.

Again not sure if this helps Terinth but as you know from previous posts I can so identify! {{{{{{{{{{{Terinth}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Terinth, I too know exactly what you mean, I could have written that post myself (except my hubby is here with me.)

You've just verbalized something dh and I discuss a lot, the feelng that Florida isn't home, but England is, and we don't fit here but we do there.

And especially since Lisa and peedal are right, Florida feels like a fake world.  All the buildings look like fake storefronts.  I hate palm trees.  I hate the heat.  I hate the lack of seasons.  I hate the people (for the most part.)  

We talk about having that "on hold" feeling so often, and we go to the British food store and buy snacks and I make a meat pie and we watch anything we can get our hands on that's set i the UK...

So you're not alone...I miss England every day, so does my hubby, and we can't wait to get there.  

It's amazing to be homesick for a place I've never lived...but I am.