where to turn

I moved here two years ago to marry a British lady. I came with a suitcase and a prayer. It has been up and down but on a whole OK. But from time to time we have a spat for the most I have learned to just give in, let her have her way and avoid the fight. I swallow my pride and it's over with and move on. 4 Months after I got here I had a bad stay in the hospital with kidney and liver failure. I was not expected to survive. But I did but this was followed up with the doctors decision that I needed to go through the chemo treatment for Hep-C. So for six months now I have been living in a hallucination, loss of mind, lots sixty pounds, can't walk to the gate and back, skin and bones, scared old man. I am totaly dependent on mywife keeping things in order. Frommaking sure I get my meds on time to waking me up from two days of hibernation to see that I eat something. I new it would be bad but I was not ready for the state I am in. I still have four months of treatment to go and a good while after that to get some strength back. I realy have bad trouble with the simplest of tasks.
To make things worse, last weekend we packed up and moved to Portesham. I know absolutly no one. I have no car. I don't know if I could drive safely anyway. This morning I just new it was wrong. I couldn't get thoughts together and was very disoriented and Maureen chose today to have a fight mood. A mile out of town on our way to hospital we are yelling and going south fast. I asked her to please just shut it and we would get through but Nooo, she kept on so I ask her to take me home. She told me to get out and walk. The last time I tried that the medics had to pick me up on the side of the road. I am just to weak. To cut to the chase. She is now saying that I have to leave the house and she is going to the police and lawyer tomorrow and that I will have to leave,
Where am I suppose to go. I can't even get to Exeter tomorrow to get my medication. I am so lost, i don't know if I have any rights or will be on the street tomorrow night. Sorry for the long wind, I guess I am a bit scared. Thank for sharing this with me.    Michael.
E-mail: lenzzzcap@aol.com

Michael I'm sorry to hear of all your troubles.  You definitely need to make some plans.  First off I'd start with the hospital.  Perhaps a doctor could be arranged to make a home visit?  Or there might be another way to get your meds?  Perhaps you could speak to your council to get some advice.  Its one thing if your marriage doesn't work, but its completely another for her to leave you stranded.  

I'll keep good thoughts for you Michael.   You will get thru this.  But you need information to make your own plans.  Chin up!  

Michael, this is not good. Look in the phonebook for your nearest Citizen's Advice Bureau (CAB) and phone them as soon as you can. They can give you free legal advice and may be able to arrange other kinds of support for you as well.  You say you don't have friends in the area you've moved to but can you contact friends from elsewhere for support and advice? do you have family who could come over from the States to help you out?

I don't think your wife can get you evicted or arrested or anything unless you have actually commited some kind of offence/violence against her.

Good luck and do give CAB a call as soon as you can.

Liz

Thank you for the advise. I saw the GP in town here so that ball is rolling. I have made arraingments with the hospital to get transport for meds. And NO, there is no family, and no friends anywhere. I have been mostly ill since I arrived and have not built any kind of support, have not even made it to church. I have decided to make contacts myself with the police and advice bureus to help guide me through this. She has told me today that the police suggested that she see the GP and have me admitted to a hospital as not stable, sectioned. Funny how all the things the other person see wrong with us is excatly what we see wrong in them. It is just down to letting it slide and getting on or being the first to call the kettle black. She is seeing a court tomorrow to have a order writtin that Will make me the bad guy. Of course physical is out of the question but the way I hear it If I step out of line, like voice my opinion or do anything other than keep my mouth shut, she will then have the power to have me moved. It is so one sided. What about someone to watch over me, so that I am not yelled at and abused. Oh well, enough whiening for today. The house is warm and the tee hot. I can't complain.
Will keep you informed. And Thank you all for just letting me share. It takes the edge off of the fear of isolation.
Michael.

Michael I'm glad to see that you have set some plans into motion.  Also that you have some options.  Although they don't seem like much from you perspective now.  At least as you say you can still do more recovery where you are comfortable.  Spend some time here on the boards.  It might help to take your mind off your troubles if only for a little while.  It's important to stay connected now that you've made contact.  

hello Michael...I read your post here yesterday and was at a loss as the best way to respond to you...1 being I do not know the ins and outs in England yet that would help in your situation...and also my heart went out to you but I wanted to confer with my DF first.  

Tom is my DF and also the sponser for this forum with his experience in social work and councelling.  We discussed your notice here and he would like to sit down a bit later today and write to you after he gets home from work...most likely privately, so please keep an eye out for an email from thomas fleck.

i was glad to see that you have a few things sorted for now as far as getting your treatments and hopfully there will be more help available towards your rights as a british spouse.

hang tight and try to relax some...our thoughts are with you.

shel

Thank you for your support. This last week has been very much a blur. The treatment keeps me pretty baffled as is. without pouring fuel on the fire. The situation has calmed somewhat and communication is open. She has had an order brought forward that says basically that if I lose it in any way she can have me removed from the house. I am surprised, she seems to want to move forward. I do have a temper and have tried for years to tame the monster. Anger management classes, some trouble with the law in the states and a bit of faith has helped. I have, to date, never hit another human in anger. But I can be one mean viscous SOB. I recognise this and have tried a few times to get help of some sort but it always dead ends for the need to pay bucks for such services. Each time, three now, that this happens, I see at first that there is just as much blame on her part as there is on me. But after a few days to think I understand that she has reacted out of total fear. She mentioned today that our ex GP had called and that my records are on there way ASAP to the new GP and her words were "maybe now we can get you some help with your temper problem. It is hard for me to understand, seeing how I have come to be in control most of the time. Compared to the jerk I used to be I would think everyone would find me to be quite pleasant. It is that 5% of the ugly man that comes to surface that everyone judges you on. I hate it myself, and pray for some magic to give me 100% control.                          It seems the culture here has no room for any type of aggression and no need for a man with any balls.                                                                                                               I half spent my life with a gun in my hand. With the military moulding a hippie, musician into a cold blooded killer and working construction in a very red neck Texas environment, where the men would rather fight than F---k, and because of my talents ending my younger days in private services, body guard type work. Well, you can see it took a lot of counselling to become this quite mannered peaceful old man. But it must still show more than I know for I have been told more than once, since I have been here, that I am an arrogant a**hole. Well, Excuuuuse me.
I have an appointment to see a social worker next week and they will be able to put things in order for me. I am not sure at this moment if I want to go on here or not. But this will help me see all my options. I am way too confused and disoriented with the drugs to make any big decisions but I will have things in place no matter what my choices be.
I now have time and contacts to keep my head above water, so all is well for the time being. Thank you for taking the time to care. It can be a lonely world when you are too ill to function and no where to turn. God bless you and yours.
ps. Tomorrow is jab day and have made arraingments to get this months injections from the hospital. Then I should be transferred to closer services. I was surprised at the help that is available if you know where to look.
                                                                                    Michael.

Michale, ..I'm sorry I can't offer anything in the way of help for you & your situation ..I just wanted to send my best wishes and a prayer , hang in there ok , I know you'll get lots of help here on this site for there are some wonderful people always ready to lend a helping hand & a warm hug .


  Best to you
        Debbie

Things are going OK. We are still having some very sensitive moments but working on it. If the marriage goes forward it would be OK by me but to tell the truth I am glad it happened. Living here with no contacts or support has been very taxing. I have often wondered just what I would do if something happened to her and I was left to fend for myself. No I know where to go and what to do. All this would be hard enough But being so ill is well, frightning to say the least. I did my injection this morning so I am not feeling well but wanted to touch base.I never thought I would just air my dirty laundry to a bunch of strangers but I found it easy and very helpful just to know that someone responded. My fingers are starting to slur so I better get some rest.
I hate having no hair.

Hair grows back and so will spirit. It took a long time to get you here, it's not going to be overnight to get you back. You still have the music in you. Just stop, close your eyes and listen with your heart. No one can make you into a beast...it's what's happened in your life that has given you a misdirected vision. I'll bet the musician never left...just waited for the right tempo to kick in.