Is This A Girl Thing?

So, Craig left yesterday. :'( This "leaving" was harder in some ways and easier in others.  I think when he got here, he and I were so tired of not being together that we would've gotten married so he didn't go back.  But we both knew it wouldn't have done any good.  We would have just been seperated our first few months of marriage.  So, him leaving was a bit confusing.  I kept thinking, "Wait, this isn't supposed to happen like this."

What I'm wondering though is, when he has left me and even when I left him, he was calm each time.  Granted he said it was tearing him up inside, but here I am in full on tears not caring what anyone at the airport thought, about to grab him at the ankles so he can't go.  Does it just not seem to phase males as much?  Or am I just an incredibly emotional person?  

This, being left alone, being reminded, its so hard to deal with.  One minute he's here, the next minute he's gone.  And what I've realized is people around me honestly don't give a crap.  That annoys me.  "Oh, don't worry, you'll see each other in six months or so."  Ugh, piss off.  You have no idea how it feels.  I honestly wouldn't wish this feeling on my worst enemy.

Sorry for the rambling you guys.  Just needed vent.

The film, "Love Actually", ends with real scenes of airport meet-and-greets. It's very touching and I usually cry all through the credits...just remembering my emotions at such things at the time!

The film, "Love Actually", ends with real scenes of airport meet-and-greets. It's very touching and I usually cry all through the credits...just remembering my emotions at such things at the time!

I loved that movie, all of it, but I have to say the airport scenes really got to me.  There I was in the theatre with 5 friends crying my eyes out during those scenes.  I guess it's just cause I've been there.  

I don't think it's necessarily a girl thing, but I do know that I'm the same way.  I was in the airport in January after we had been to Spain (one of the only happy trips in the airport in the UK...lol) and the girl in the stall next to me in the bathroom was bawling.  I felt so bad for her even though I didn't know her, and then my heart sank as I knew that would be me in a week's time after that day.  I hate goodbyes.  I start my moping and crying the day or two beforehand (no matter how hard I try not to). :'(

Hey Kas, I've had lots of goodbyes with my fiance on train platforms and in airports (though far less of those). I am working on the assumption that your fiance is British and I would venture to suggest that it's both a guy thing and a British thing. My fiance hates to draw attention to himself in public places. He could be screaming and crying inside but all anyone will see is the stiff upper lip!  

I guess I'm like most of you gals--extremely emotional.  I started crying 2-3 days before our separations, and would continue to cry for 2-3 afterward.

As for public displays, I do think that British men have the market cornered on NOT showing emotion in public.  I was always weeping and carrying around a roll of toilet paper at the airport, but DH (then FI) was much more calm.  He was sad, but that didn't manifest itself so much AT the airport or at the train station--his true colors came out once we'd resumed our phone conversations from opposite sides of the Atlantic.

As for getting support from others, or at least having them understand how you feel, I can't make any suggestions.  I do know that it truly feels like someone has died and you're just an emotional wreck.....I can't see why people don't understand how much it hurts to have your other half thousands of miles away.  I think they'd appreciate their own partners much more if they had to go throught what most of us have gone/are going through.

Just stay strong and positive.  Before you know it, you'll be taking trips TOGETHER and you'll never have to say goodbye at a crappy airport again!  :-)

"Does it just not seem to phase males as much?"

Well, my then-boyfriend was always the calmer one... I think it's because I was such a wreck (I'm a cryer, to say the least), that he thought if he was a wreck as well I might actually explode with tears. Perhaps it's a just a male coping mechanism... ?

And yes, people telling you - or implying - that it's not so bad, you'll see him soon enough... well they obviously haven't been there and are missing their sympathy bone... and need to be filed in the "ignore" bin in your brain!

My hubby is a very sensitive guy. We both felt horrible - tears and all - each and every time we said goodbye.
I am so glad that part is over for us – and totally know what you are going through. You are SO right doing this the right way. We hear stories of people that have married without the proper visas and they are paying for it BIG time (at least in the US).
Hugs my dear.

well sometimes i'm the strong one and he bawls his eyes out or it's the other way around.  We take turns being strong cause we have to....not cause we want to.  But last time i was crying SO hard and he got all choked up and said 'don't......please or else i'll lose it' and i stopped.

there's always a lot of tears on both sides of the phone but in person, he doesn't like me to see him cry.

I start getting "teary" a few days before having to say goodbye too...even though I try to talk myself out of it rationally! I do better at times...and many times I am only "sad" on the inside...but I find myself studying him so much more closely then...tracing his facial features etc...storing up for the "famine!"

He told me after our first visit that his "closing down" and becoming more business like during our goodbyes is the way he copes. He tends to talk about specifics, about the next visit, steps needed to take towards our goal of being together (forever!) etc. I have now come to appreciate his "solidness" at the airport...it is great to have him to cling to while I sob wildly against his chest!

We have fallen into a pattern sort of at the airport...we say all the emotional, heart-wrenching things and give eachother those last passionate kisses (which I later think I shouldn't be so "bold" at a public airport but at the time it seems as if we're the only two that exist), I cling to him while I sob and he stands there slowly rubbing my back, hair etc. whispering all these incredibly soothing and loving phrases, and once I stop I take a few minutes (let out those last few sobs) to just keep my ear pressed against his chest to hear his heart beating...I then look up and say "ok", smile, give a quick kiss and we both walk away. We had decided beforehand that we wouldn't look back, but he confessed to doing it once and I did a few trips back and I tell you it was sooooo much harder (sob factor on plane...boy I hate sobbing in front of others, I feel so sorry for them...I mean, I am discreet, but still!)

Anyway, I was going to start a thread but I will just add it here...I have had such a hard past few days with missing him. Out of the blue it is like WHAM and something makes my heart burst, throat constrict and eyes water. I don't know why it has been so hard lately...something in the air?! I am trying everything I know to cope and keep positive energy around. It is good to know you all know how I feel though. My friends and family here mean well, but if you haven't been through this before it is really hard to truly empathize.

Geally

Ok, so I'm not the only one.  Except I dont start getting teary a few days prior.  Its more like a week, week and a half. :'( Atleast, thats how it was this time.

I do focus on little things though, like how it feels to touch his hand or the way it feels to kiss him and try to etch it or that specific moment into my head.  Where we are, what he's wearing, a certain smell.  Things like that.

I think if he showed some emotion it would make me feel better, but I'm always the one to break down.  I guess its him trying to be positive, like some of you said, but its still difficult letting someone go and knowing you're not going to have that type of interaction for months.

Ok, I'm not going to blabber anymore or I'll start crying.  Thank you all so much though!  Atleast I know it isn't just me  

My fiance is the same way. Calm, cool, and collected when we say goodbye. I can see the sadness in his eyes though. I am a fellow cryer too! I also get a little detached and bit cold right before I have to leave him. I don't know why, but I guess it's my way of trying to control the awful sadness I feel when we say goodbye. Do any of you go through that, where you almost purposefully pick an arguement on the phone or before you leave him? I hate when I do that, but he is sooo understanding and loves me all the same. Its not easy being in an LDR. I love him too much to ever give up though. We will be together very soon and I can't wait for the day that I no longer have to say goodbye for months of seperation. Thanks for the post Kas. I love knowing that others have gone through similar emotions, have survived and are happily now married to or living with their loved one.

D

Mr Snupy gets as upset as I do, but he tries to be strong for me.

He does get frustrated when I start crying the day before, though. I'm glad it's not just me. :'(

i get really moody and sad the day before....then again, our visits are commonly only 4 days long so i'm moody on the phone a week before (out of impatience) then we're together and i'm on cloud 9...until the day before when i get pouty and cranky until i leave.  It's like a tightening in my chest and i can't breathe when we actually separate.

And i wonder why i'm on cellexa.   :-/

I've been there, I know how you feel. No it's not just a girl thing. When I or my fiance have left eachother in the past, we both cry, we're both sad. Just because you're boyfriend doesn't show it, it doesn't mean hes not miserable. Some men think it's not alright to cry, they've gotta be strong, for their sake and for yours. Although some men aren't ashamed to cry or show their true emotions, people have different ways of dealing with things. I know what you mean about people not seeming to care, just saying "oh you'll see him again" if they can't say something comforting, don't say anything at all People who aren't in relationships like this just have no idea how hard it is.

I know how you feel girl. It is terrible being home in NY and having my baby back in England... Friends and family (including my mom) say, "Dont worry, you'll see each other in 3 months."

3 months is a LIFETIME for me. I cant fall asleep at night. I think I see him on the streets here. Everything reminds me of him and us.

To not have him hold me when I fall asleep at night hurts.

I cried sooo much at Heathrow 2 weeks ago when I left. And he was crying hard too. I still cry myself to sleep every night.

I am so tempted to book a flight back there now. Even though I cant work or study now, Id be much more content sitting on our bed, eating a Tescos Finest Champagne Rhubarb yogurt watching Miffy at 3pm then be here without him.

{Hugs} to you.