venting-ldr

hi all!


How can you tell your SO that you need more affection? without them getting mad at me for being selfish.
I am really trying to make things work and its really hard, heres the story my SO is moving houses so he has no internet we usally talk on voice messanger but since he dosent have internet we cant, we do use the phone for a few mins and thats it! we use to talk for hours and hours now his moving he cant be bothered sending me a txt saying I love u or whatever, I know he is busy unpacking but how hard is to txt somone? so today i felt  really down stressed I really needed him but again he was to busy.
I tried to explain to him the way i was feeling all he would tell me your not the only one whos stressed, then he goes on how his life is tough and we wont get to talk as much anymore..and that I  dont know how it feels etc... that he knows it all since he been thru it before, and I havent..
and even when he gets his internet we still wont spend as much time as we use too, which fine but why bring all of this up when im already freaking out why cant he just tell me'' everything will be ok dont worry I will try more''.
so anyways I told him that I need to hear more from him that everything will be ok, he gets upset...how Im not understanding.
I endup breaking down and crying and basically told him I feel alone in this all..


so now I dont know im worried when I do move what if things will be the same after awhile our romance will go out the window..and im stuck in country without my family..he says its hard to show somone who u love affection so far away.
but sending simple thing as txt can make a persons day. Maybe this LD making me crazy..

it is hard, you need to really discuss this with him, and tell him you still need the little things becasue that helps reinforce how much he loves you. My hubby forgets to do things like this sometimes, especially when he is going through a stressful time with the military. LDR's take a lot of commitment, and constant communication, sometimes, when one is going through a hard,difficult or busy time, the other seems to be the one doing all the work, but it is like that in "normal" relationships, too. He is going through a transition lately, just give him some time and trust in your relationship. Hugs x

with only taking the info from your post, is it possible he is trying to slowly end the relationship? Or slow it down? Does he maybe feel it's getting too serious and he's unsure if he wants that?

You def. need to talk to him and find out what you both want from this LDR. When DH and i were dating, we talked hours on end too, texted, emailed etc... it was nonstop communication. The only time we didn't speak was when he was on the plane over or his son was there to visit. A man in love finds time even when he is busy. This is my opinion only, please remember I do not know you or your SO personally.

I had the same experience of pittpanther, except my DB doesn't have a son. For him, the only times we missed communication were if he was on holiday and we would only miss a day or so. We went through periods of not talking much when one of us was busy, but we still make a point to talk as much as we could.

It is possible that he really is just busy and feels there is no end in sight, I hope that's the case for you and it's not the other. Definitely talk to him.

I too agree with pittpanther. From the 1st day as 'just friends' I don't think Paul and I missed a single day without communicating, either on the phone or IMing...hours and hours. Heck we even watched the other sleep on the webcam.

This was really reassuring for me, because about 9 months before I had been involved in another very serious LDR. We were even talking marriage. Then he went to visit his friends in another part of the country. I had one lousy email from him the whole 10 days he was there. And the day he was scheduled to come back he sent another to say he was extending his trip by a few days. When he finally got back in contact, he said he wanted to slow things down. And this was the second time that I had had to beg for his attention a few weeks earlier during one of my business trips he went AWOL too.

I don't want to alarm you...and I really hope that it is just busy. But if you need more attention, you deserve it...and there is someone who will give you what you need. My thoughts are with you. PM if you need a shoulder.

LDR's can be hard, especially when you're missing the person and they just seem distant.  It might be that they really are busy or stressed dealing with their own lives.  I know that as women we sometimes read too much into it but I agree, it doesn't take much to just send a text that lets you know they're thinking of you, too, and that alone can be enough.  Hopefully your guy will realize that.   

sadly, i'm in the same boat as the OP.

it's tough. currently he's working crazy hours and i feel totally ignored. things have been like this the last 3 months or so and it's rough. though the lack of attention has been going on much longer for me.  i know he doesn't get it and i've tired explaining/showing him and it doesn't work.

things pretty much suck right now.  all i can say is you're not alone.

Pinkstar I see from your ticker you're to be together in 27 days. In my opinion and from my exprience it is indeed very stressful right before a big move. There's so much to sort out and tensions are running high. I had the same thing with my husband when we were still in the LDR stage but it was me who seemed to be cooling off. It didn't mean I loved him any less I was just getting anxious and stressed about all the changes going on esepcially the last few weeks. I was a wreck! I didn't have second thoughts about him or the move but by coming across as a bit cold was just the way I managed to get through the last phases of the move. Best of luck!

thxs for all the support I told him how I felt hes trying really hard now, I guess moving and all is so hard, I keep on thinking if im doing the right thing im so annoying lol I mean I come up with the most stupid excuses like maybe im to young what if what if..what if..eh I guess everything has to workout, one way or another. thxs all..