We ended it :(

I haven't really posted much about my LD relationship of 5 years (eek!! i know)

Basically, I visited my bf in November which was nice.  But come December, things sorta took a total turn for the worst and basically the bf became distant and went MIA for almost 3 weeks.  I got tired of it and got to the point of where I wanted to know what was going on.  All I got were excuses or just no response.

I didn't want to give him an ultimatum as I was feeling hurt, abandoned, confused and ignored by my bf all of a sudden. 

His deadline was tonight to let me know whether he wanted to be in the relationship and put 110% into it and making it work, or to leave.  I received no response so I left him a voicemail saying it was over and it was over because there was no communication.  A few minutes later, I received an email from him breaking up with me.  How interesting, we both broke up with each other minutes apart.

His reasoning was that he felt that we would always be long distance because of immigration, finding a job and so on.  He felt that we needed to focus on our own lives and our careers.  That right now isn't a good time to fix things with us and he doesn't have the resources to do the job properly (I wasn't feeling appreciated) and didn't want to risk disappointing me further.  He felt he was holding me back in life.  He wants to remain friends and he doesn't want to lose me and can't bare the thought of losing me, but not to expect a romantic relationship.

After I read his email a few times, I basically thought "We clearly don't have a clue about what the other person wants."  That, and I don't think he wants to put energy and effort into making this relationship work, even after 3 months ago when I visited, he at one point said he wished he had a ring.  I'm amazed seeing as how he was always the one who wanted us to get married, have kids and so on and I was the one who was about 20 steps behind.  I eventually caught up and realized that I do love him, but he suddenly turned on me.

We both do love each other a lot ... I guess for me, I'm not sure what happened to him.  granted we will talk about things, but I guess I'm just trying to figure out what the root of his reasoning for breaking up because to me, those are just cover ups for something deeper.

Thoughts??

First off I'm really sorry

2ndly...wow...that's basically the timeline of my breakup too! How insane. He was here in november and come december 19 we were done with...after 6 years.

I know it's hard but it does get easier. I wish you nothing but the best...sometimes it's for the better. *hugs* if you need to talk or vent feel free to msg me.

Also, I agree with Terri. It's not always best...I find that when I don't talk too Adam it's easier. If he pm's me I try to keep the chatter to a minimal. It's just easier

I'm really sorry for your heartache. Before DH, I had a similar experience and know how much it hurts. One thing to consider is that being friends isn't always possible or even what is best.

 One thing to consider is that being friends isn't always possible or even what is best.

Yeah, it's often done to make one party feel better about the breakup.

But it's not always best for both and it's up to YOU to decide on that.

I'm very sorry to hear about your relationship ending.   

I'm so sorry. I've been there too with a LDR and it sucks. 

Just coming in to add my sympathies.  I, too, have been there and I know it's not easy. Hugs!

I'm sorry

So sorry to hear about your split. I just recently split with my bf of 3 years, wasn't LDR but we didn't see eachother that often due to sched issues.  Just as we were getting to a point where we could finally be together the way we wanted to be, things started unravelling.  I know what you're going through!   Sending hugs your way. 

thanks for the support. it's nice especially since i haven't posted very much on here.

yeah, i think his job just became his first priority and he wanted to talk, but hasn't really made time to even do that.  so i sent him an email today saying that i guess what he needed to say or tell me wasn't that important as i still haven't heard from him.

i said it was time to cut the cord as difficult as it is. there's no sense in hanging on since he said he didn't want to deal with the difficulties of immigration and his job was important to him.

i cried a bit today in almost a week. i cried as i was deleting his emails and screen names from my accounts. it's sad. it's a loss.  i already don't see him online very much so you wouldn't think it was hard, but it was.

maybe we'll cross paths again in the future, but i know i need to move on for my own well being ...

An email!?

I knew my ex for about a decade. We only actually dated for two years out of ten.  It was all state side but it was also a LDR.  I was in Los Angeles.  He was somewhere on the East Coast - Pittsburgh and than Delaware.  Anyway, we ended up growing in separate directions, relationships dissolved, nasty break up in an email with even nastier follow-up.

The worst part was knowing that people on Facebook knew that I'd been dumped before I had! How insulting!  I'm still suspicious of the whole thing to some degree. His best friend also broke with his LTR at the same time.  Oh well.  I did see it coming at least.

I did find that it was easier to just break off all contact after a point.  Talking to him just kept things raw.  And feeling angry or sad all of the time is just about the most unproductive, energy-sapping thing that you could do.

The hardest thing was losing my best friend of ten years. But I decided that it wasn't a good choice to "go back to the way things were" because really, we can only move forward.  Going back seemed like a bad idea. 

Regardless of what you decide to do, best of luck.  Things will work themselves out in the end - doors opening and closing and opening as the saying goes.  The thing to remember is that you must do what is healthy and correct for you.  But considering you had the guts to say "This is not what I want" and leave, I don't think you'll have any problem.

Chin up.  Maybe not smiles yet...but hopefully sooner rather than later yes?