The Loneliest Waiting Room

It is almost impossible to describe how I feel right now.

It is somewhere between utter excitement and almost despair.

One week from today, I shall be sitting at Heathrow, waiting for my BF's plane to land from the US.

I want to make plans, and to make arrangements for his stay, which we plan to be 6 months. He has a ticket to return to the US in February, to finalise his ongoing divorce and apply for his fiance visa.

Yesterday, I wanted to go and buy some *special* items of underwear  , I wanted to buy him some foodstuffs which I know he likes, I wanted to do lots of things. This is the excitment part. But I did none of those things.

I was paralised by the fear that he may not make it through immigration.
I have no actual reason for feeling he will not. The only *real* snag is that he was here for 2 weeks in February, and I fear that the IO may pick on him for that and start to question his visit and ***BAM***. All gone wrong. We are not doing anything wrong or illegal, yet the whole system, and horror stories, makes me feel as if we are under suspicion from the word *go*.

I am not sure how to feel. I have told him all about this. He understands my cautious excitment and fears.

I try to tell myself that, *Ok, if he gets bounced, he will go back and apply for a fiance visa and be back here in a few months*.
But that tiny light at the end of the tunnel, makes me feel no better.

I feel very isolated in this sort of waiting room I have created in my mind. I just want to bring him home, with me.

Guess I just wanted to vent. Write it out loud, amongst people who can understand and have been where I am.

Thanks for reading. 

I wouldn't worry about it too much.  The fact he has been over in February for a couple weeks does not hurt his "case" in anyway, IMO.  February was 6 months ago and a two week visit is nothing out of the ordinary. 

Go ahead and start making it real in your mind by getting those things for the visit!  Don't bring any negativity to it--stay positive and confident about the whole thing.  There is a lot of truth in the power of positive thinking--I know from experience.

Andee... Thank you. 

I will do my best to follow your advice. I try to concentrate on how great it will be to spend that time together. We have much to look forward to.

I may well get some *special items* tomorrow 

Don't worry... everything will work out.  I have felt that same paralyzing fear that something will go wrong when you feel so desperate to see the one you love... it's natural to worry because you miss him so much and you don't want anything to stand in the way, but just take deep breaths and realize that he will be there... it seems unreal sometimes, I know, when you are sitting there waiting for them that they are actually going to be there...
enjoy the excitement!
 

hey there beth, just wanted to say two things, one hope it goes well and two u can always use those speical things or items this time when he comes or if for some weird stupid reason they dont let him in when he comes on a finace visa! be positive, get excited:O) sending positive vibes to you! take care, amy

Thank you all, ladies...

The *room* feels less empty right now

All my best wishes to you and your fiance.  I'm sure it will all work out just fine.  And that first hug & kiss at the airport.....  how GREAT that will be!!   

I discovered in the last week that although I am not a *comfort eater*, I am definitely a *worry eater*..

Man, I have been eating like a bovine 

But I am a lot more positive too... (probably all the sugar I am consuming)

Damn. He will probably turn around and go straight back when he realises I have put on 10 stones in the last week 

 

Aww TAL he will love you no matter what...when you finally get to kiss and hug him you will forget all about the nervousness you have felt over the past few weeks and it will be wonderful and you will be together...trust me I know this from experience. Good Luck