He didn't believe in marriage before he met you

So many people dismiss marriage with "It's only a piece of paper."  But for us, it's a very important piece of paper, perhaps the most important.  When did your Brit realize that the only way you two could be together was to be married?  Was it a struggle?  Did you split up temporarily?  How do you recommend the subject be handled and when?

For me and Steve, I don't think it was a struggle really. We've been 'together' roughly 3 years or so, but knew each other for longer than that, and he had been married once before me--it could of gone to one extreme where he wouldn't have wanted to get married because of having such a sour experience with the first one, etc. But, obviously it didn't, thankfully

It took us a couple years, and a few visits to realize that to be together, marriage would be the only viable option, but thankfully for us it seemed as if our relationship was naturally progressing to that stage anyway. Steve started to mention it from time to time right before I visited the UK for the first time, since I didn't want to make any major decisions until I had been over there--I was pretty sure I'd be fine with the UK, but I wanted to make sure (well, as much as I could while only being able to visit). And I knew I had pretty good chances of making a life in the UK once I visited, and it clicked kinda. And Steve needed the time between my first and second visit to decide that he was ready to make the commitment, not only to get married but to help me come over to be with him.

So, he proposed during my second visit--he had hinted at it a few times the first couple weeks I was there, but he waited until around Thanksgiving to actually get the ring and propose. I'm an extremely lucky girl in the sense that all of these factors came together just right--it was something we wanted to do, it was the right time in our relationship for it, and it was the only real viable way for us to be together.

When me and Steve first got together, we figured that marriage was just a piece of paper, and I figured 'eh, I could live with us just living together if we could' but now that we are married, I don't believe that really. I don't think I would of been content to just live together forever--for some people that's awesome, but I don't think it would of worked for me in the end. Thankfully enough Steve wasn't scared of getting married again either, and he wants to have a healthy, long marriage unlike the last time--he wants another shot at making things right, and loves me to bits and wants to make it work with me.

As for how and when to handle the subject? I guess it depends on each individual couple, since some people come to the realization sooner than others. It just takes a lot of introspection on the part of the couple, and I think it has to be something you'd want to do *irregardless* of any sort of immigration process, since when everything is said and done, getting the visa is temporary. You still have to live with the person afterward, and all the issues that come with 'normal' marriages ('normal' in the sense of marriages without immigration issues tied into it) will crop up, and the couple has to be ready to deal with all of that.

Tim and I started talking about it as soon as we both realized that we wanted to live together....which was about 6 weeks into my visit. 

We haven't gotten married yet, but it's something we're working towards being ready for. 

We talked about it very early on - about 2 months in.  I had just been through another transatlantic LDR so I was familiar with the visa issues, and I was not willing to do that again for a relationship that didn't have the potential to become permanent.  Happily, my now DH was comfortable with that possibility and we were engaged less than a year later.

We did get married sooner than we would have if immigration hadn't been a factor, but probably only by a year or so.  We definitely wanted to be married for more than just legal reasons in the end.

Ha! the subject describes my fiance perfectly. And all of his friends have told me about his earlier rants about marriage and how it was ownership and archaic and blah blah blah...

I guess he just hadn't found me before so didn't realise he could feel differently! He even knew how important it was for me to get my citizenship on my own merit as an independent woman, and ended up waiting to propose until after I received my ILR. 

So for us, the international stuff wasn't really a factor in us deciding to get married, and I'm grateful for the fact that my office worked so hard for me to get and keep my work permit so we never felt rushed into it. I know others aren't so lucky to have the same experience.

(though I do tell everyone I did this whole immigration thing backwards!)