Humming and Haaring About "Wedding: Part II"

Hiya!!

I'd appreciate a bit of sage advice and support. I dont really know what to do.

Martin (UKC) and I (USC) got married on Jan 12 2002 in a civil ceremony in England. It was a registrar's office doo - nothing fancy AT ALL (I didnt even wear a dress!) and barely anyone in attendance. It suited it us at the time.

My parents didnt know we were getting married (family dispute over me moving to the UK) and because we didnt want to spend the money on a big fancy wedding we didnt think we should invite loads of people. So only two of Martin's closest friends were there, and their girlfriends, his half-sister and brother-in-law, their two kids, and the photographer.

We didnt even exchange rings.

At the time it's what we wanted. We didnt want a fuss, we'd rather have spent the money and DID spend the money on a downpayment for our first house, we wanted the day to be about us GETTING MARRIED. Because thats the important part! Some people get married for the party, I know. But not us

Now, having just celebrated our second anniversary, Im looking back on the day and starting to wish that we'd done more. Im starting to get "fluffy white dress syndrome". Im regretting that we didnt exchange rings. I would have loved to have my family there.

I dont at all regret getting married and I know the pomp and circumstance isnt what its all about. But I cant help but pine for a beautiful cake and pictures of my husband and all of his best mates really decked out from head to toe. The album of my wedding day is missing photos of me and my grandparents (more my parents than anything) and my mom.

So lately I've been thinking about having what I call a "propper wedding" for lack of a better term. Our wedding: part II. A very big part of me is visually oriented. I love colour and design. I love food and friends. I admit Ive always wanted a lovely reception - maybe not a big one, but something that just oozes Sarah and Martin. I want a beautiful photo album that I can look back on and think - that was MY day But a HUGE part of me keeps saying "but you missed your chance. youre not the bride anymore, it wouldnt be the day you got married. It would be a party and thats it. you dont deserve to wear the white dress anymore."

It breaks my heart sometimes. I know Martin sometimes secretly regrets that we didnt do more. He said to me once that he wished he could have given me the perfect wedding day. Of course my wedding day was perfect because I married the man that I loved and love even more now. But I know what he means.

Ive heard a lot of people say they've had two weddings. One in the UK and one in the US. But thats generally within a few months of the original day at the very most. Ive been married now for 2 years. Is it OK for me to relive my wedding day?

I've tried to re-brand the event into something that makes me feel better about it. "Its a BLESSING", "Its a Ring Exchange", "Its a X Aniversaray Celebration". I want to exchange rings with my husband, I want to have my family bless this wondeful marriage I have. But do I still deserve to wear that white dress? We've had our day already. Is it right?

Another part of me wants to run away to the Maldieves and exchange our rings in private on the beach somewhere, away from all other eyes. because we're the only people that REALLY matter in this. Of course that doesnt mean we cant have a humdinger of a party when we get back! That could be "the blessing"!

Yet another part of me says "wait til youve been married for 10 years!" so many marriages fail for so many different reasons. If we make it to 10 that HAS to be a social and personal accomplisment. Thats the REAL time to celebrate!

So as you can see Im in a real pickle with myself. Any input at all is warmly welcomed. Anyone who's been through a simmilar situation or people that have had two weddings - please share your stories. Id love to hear them.

Thanks for sitting through my ramblings! Its much appreciated.

Cheers,
Sarah

OMG I made it sound like I had a misserable wedding day. I SO didnt! It was a wonderful day - cold and sunny and I married the silliest man on earth. But he's my silly man and I love him. Im so glad he's my husband.

"but ricky! I wanna party! waaaaaaaaaa" lol

Honey, there are maternity wedding dresses in white, so why can't a married woman get married again in white, even to the same husband in an uninterrupted union?  A friend of mine married in white with their 7 year old daughter as flower girl.  Not a comment was spoken nor an eyebrow was raised.

The registrar's office was a marriage.  This will be your Wedding.  Go for it!  Do it!  Invite me!

Why not? If thats what you want and it will make you happy. go for it! Theres nothing wrong in throwing a 'renewal of the vows.' Good luck! 

Honey, there are maternity wedding dresses in white, so why can't a married woman get married again in white, even to the same husband in an uninterrupted union?  A friend of mine married in white with their 7 year old daughter as flower girl.  Not a comment was spoken nor an eyebrow was raised.

The registrar's office was a marriage.  This will be your Wedding.  Go for it!  Do it!  Invite me!

Why not? If thats what you want and it will make you happy. go for it! Theres nothing wrong in throwing a 'renewal of the vows.' Good luck! 

I so agree!!!  I had the registry wedding too, with no family and only four friends there.  Although we knew we would have this big one coming up.  Not only that but then we are having another smaller reception in England in July.  Have as many parties you want to celebrate the love you have for each other!  Oh and I will be wearing the big meringue dress for this one! 

Do it do it do it!  There's absolutely nothing wrong with renewing your vows..whether two years into the marriage or twenty.  Get the big cake, the big dress, and the big ring!   

Truly, I think the ceremony will mean so much more now that you've been married for a while.  We've only been married nine months and I would love to renew our vows over here in the UK.  I think they'd mean so much because we really KNOW each other now...and the vows could reflect that.

Thank you all so much for your encouragement. I feel a whole lot better now. I'll keep you updated! Thanks again!
Sarah

We had 2 weddings, a registry wedding in england in March, and a "big party" wedding in the US in July, 4 months later.  I say go for it! We called ours a "vow renewal", and had my little brother write vows for us and "officiate" the ceremony. It was a blast - it was a prty for the sake of a party, a celebration of our marriage, and a chance for my family to be involved. Pople will understand that, and they will probably be happy to be a part of it! Go for it!

Thanks for your support! I really appreciate it

Phil turned to me about 20 minutes after the ceremony, as we were starting to have photos taken, and said, "How soon can we do that again?"     Isn't he wonderful?

Ours is a bit different in that we did have pretty much the wedding we wanted, except for the fact that since it was a civil ceremony in the UK it could have absolutely no religious references at all...so we still would like to have a much more spiritual ceremony.  Not in a church, since neither of us are much into "organised religion," per se.  And even though our ceremony was wonderful and our words and music were very moving, something was still missing...

Who knows when we'll get around to it.  But we do want to do it.  And I dare anyone to say we haven't a right!

 

Phil turned to me about 20 minutes after the ceremony, as we were starting to have photos taken, and said, "How soon can we do that again?"     Isn't he wonderful?

Ours is a bit different in that we did have pretty much the wedding we wanted, except for the fact that since it was a civil ceremony in the UK it could have absolutely no religious references at all...so we still would like to have a much more spiritual ceremony.  Not in a church, since neither of us are much into "organised religion," per se.  And even though our ceremony was wonderful and our words and music were very moving, something was still missing...

Who knows when we'll get around to it.  But we do want to do it.  And I dare anyone to say we haven't a right!

 

awwww!! How sweet is that! I hope you two get around to doing a more spiritual ceremony to celebrate your marriage.

I kinda felt the same way about our civil ceremony. Its not that we're into organized religion but for me it seemd a bit devoid of SOME sort of spirituality. I dont partake in any one religion but I do feel like a soulful person and would have liked a bit more of a personal touch.

Now I love a good bit of humor in every situation so my wedding, of course, couldnt escape it - the registrar who officiated read this HORRIBLE poem that lasted like, 15 minutes. It was so boring I could feel the unreast from our friends just seeping into the back of my neck! We all had such a laugh about it later that night. Ya know, I dont remember a single word of it. I think it mentioned "love" a few times. But its that kind of overly nutral spiritually devoid poppy-*bleep* that I really could have done without, even though it did provide copious amounts of laughter over many bottles of wine at the dinner. So now that you gals have convinced me to go for it Im really looking forward to having my step-dad "officiate" because he's really BELIEVES in love and he's such a great soulfu speaker.

Anyone else have any irritating yet funny moments happen at their wedding like we did?

Hey Sarah, I'll add my "go for its" to the others and wish you a new happy wedding day.  Can't wait to see the photos. 

Me neither! and thanks

my best friend did a blessing a few years later with the full church, 300 person reception.  it was great.

she had to because they did a civil ceremony and moved to guam for 1.5 years cause he's a navy seal....but that day, 2 years later, was still really special.

i say go for it!

Sarah, three words. . .

GO FOR IT!

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