Really down after arguments

I just feel down at the moment.  I'm not sure if it's just me, this situation, or what.

 Whenever I fight with DH I just feel so upset. Not just oh we had a fight upset, but deeply upset, where I get that sinking feeling in my chest. I guess it's kinda hard to explain, but I never used to feel like this. I just want to cry.  I don't know how to make it stop and it only stops when we make up. I end up feeling alone, so very alone, with no one to turn to. I don't have any close close friends here and no one to call or vent to really. I end up feeling lost and vounerable, with no where to go and no one to turn to.  It's a horrible feeling really. I have always been independant and strong but it just cuts me down, every time.

Not sure what to do, or if it's just me.

Hugs Steph.

I'd venture to say that given all your difficulties lately with adjusting to the UK (you've not even been here 8 months!), your issues with medication, the time change and lack of light, are all conspiring to make you far more sensitive to these things. That doesn't make it any easier to deal with, of course!

I'm not sure what advice to offer but I suspect your independent spirit will reassert itself. You just need to give it some TLC!

Thank you so much.  hugs!

You're right though, it's been a lot. I guess I'm always too hard on myself. I just have felt so down lately, more down than up and I just wish I had someone close to me to confide in (not that UKY isn't so much help, thank you everyone) but it's not the same as knowing you can go to a friends house for a while, or giving a friend a call and totally having a man bash lol

I'm trying to take it day by day, I just feel so rollercoastery. I really have missed my family lately and don't know what it'll be like visiting America then coming back to the UK. I worry to much lol

Thank you though. xoxox

Well first off, know that you can vent your frustrations and discuss concerns you have with us...maybe we're not your close friends, but I have gotten some wonderful feedback and advice here...and you can ALWAYS find someone who feels the same way that you do and can offer help.

In reference to your situation, I can definitely say that I know what you are going through....you're not alone!  I've always thought of myself as very independant and I'm usually pretty good at dealing with "drama."  Whenever me and hubby fight, I get upset in a way that makes me physically ill.  I can feel my blood pressure rising and I feel sick to my stomach...I have a general feeling of worry, as if I've just been told that someone was in a horrible car accident and might not make it out of surgery alive...and I'm just sitting there waiting to here from the doctor.  And because me and my hubby are physically seperated at the moment, it's even worse because when we "make up", we aren't actually able to give each other a hug or kiss when we say "I'm sorry." 

The best advice I can give you is to try to focus on other things.  I know it's hard to but that seems to work the best for me.  Call a family member, catch up on those emails you've been meaning to send to your old friends, try to bake a new dish, or do something else that you enjoy.  For some people, if you just try not to think about it and focus on other things, the "pain" will ease. 

Of course, I good ol' fashion cry never hurt anyone either...and usually does make you feel better afterwards!

I have a psychology degree and I was a family counselor for 3 years so if you want someone to talk to about details, you can PM me. 

Thank you Smith.
I never said having here wasn't great, I hope that didn't come across wrong. I am very appreciative for all the help and advice I get from UKY, some really great people on here.

Sorry to hear you're far apart at the moment, I've been there, and it is worse. I hated fighting when we were apart.

I appreciate the advice. I have been trying to focus on other things when we do fight. but sometimes we just butt heads and can come to no agreement! We each think the other is acting unreasonable. sigh, men and women eh? lol

I am grateful for your post, thank you

*HUGS*

XX

Steph these ladies here are right...it is a hard thing being in an LDR and then eventually moving to another country..and it takes awhile to settle and you are probably out of your comfort zone...and we have all been thru this...I am like Smith right now...my fiance and I aren't able to be in the same country at this time...and when we argue I feel so alone and like know one understands...that is why I come on here..the people and advice I have gotten on here has been great...and I was in the UK for 6 months and kind of know what you are going thru with missing your family and friends...and once I get my visa I will be moving back...so if you ever want to chat or just need to vent you can PM me anytime....I hope you feel better

josy

Thank you Josy! I really do appreciate everyone here xoxox

Hugs Steph.  Know what you're going through with not having close girlfriends to go out with and vent.     The more friends you make here the better your UK friend network will help with having people to call  and visit to vent with.  Online's still a bit impersonal, in instances like this you just crave human interaction (other than the hubs).   

All in all, I think you've been doing really well with adjusting and coping with everything else.     It'll work itself right, eventually.

Thanks Tabby,
You're 100% right. But I am feeling better about things, it REALLY is an up and down process. Very rollercoastery.
I'm hoping to try to meet up with some UKY's soon and get some real time with friends. It is important, but glad I still have here

My fights with my husband are ALWAYS heart-wrenchingly awful when I'm overseas.  I think they're even worse than when I'm in the US without him, but that's tough to say.  It puts so much pressure on a relationship when you know it's the main reason you're there.

I think, too, that something people don't always take into account is that just being married is an adjustment, even if you're from the same country and in the same place, and those marriage growing pains happen for everyone, not just ex-pat couples.  Throw in some cultural differences and whooo!  volatile!

Anyway, don't feel bad for feeling bad.  I think everyone here relates to this.  The advice above about doing something you love and not being too hard on yourself was solid.   And we're always here to listen. 

Thanks Thaumata,
You're right about marriage in general let alone expats!!

Things are just really up and down at the moment, on so many levels.  I guess what makes it harder is that I sometimes feel so alone when I have no one to call, no where to go, and we're upset at each other. DH is the major thing that makes me feel comfortable and home here

I'm goin' to keep on, keepin' on! lol

so sorry to hear your feeling this way. I have felt this whenever I have an arguement with DH and even still feel this way sometimes.I have being here 4 months,  You will get through it I totally understand. I think you live a bit far away from me, but your more than welcome to shoot me an email  to vent and I will give you my number. I live in Hillingdon with DH.