Coping with Missing Him

Hello

today I have a heavy heart and the tears keep coming, I always try hard to keep focused on other things, but it doesn't always work as I'm sure many of you know.

Just for those of you who don't know I'm in the UK and John is in the us. I came back from a visit just two weeks ago and now it seems like a lifetime.................. It was our first visit and we thought maybe it would be easier for us having meet, but boy now we know what we are really missing.

We have set a goal plan which helps immensely. We have a blog which we use as a diary for our eyes only.

We talk every day sometimes for hours, other times we have skype on and running even if we are doing our own thing as this seems to help us both feel closer. But its the touch and feel thats missed,

I would love to hear your stories on how you coped or didn't as the case maybe.....

Looking forward to hearing from you

Love Cassie
xx

One thing that helps is planning on a date for the next visit--either in the US or UK.  Then throw yourself into work (that's what I did, anyway!) to make as much money as you can to save up for flights, visas, etc.  It's a tough time, but it's also an exciting time--falling in love.  It was for me, anyway.  Anyway, this site is great and I'm sure you will get lots of support from others who have gone / are going through the same thing.

One thing that helps is planning on a date for the next visit--either in the US or UK.  Then throw yourself into work (that's what I did, anyway!) to make as much money as you can to save up for flights, visas, etc.  It's a tough time, but it's also an exciting time--falling in love.  It was for me, anyway.  Anyway, this site is great and I'm sure you will get lots of support from others who have gone / are going through the same thing.

Yep! I think having a date in mind makes a world of difference. I even made a count down on a calendar I physically cross off everyday. And then I worked and worked. I got a second job so I wouldn't have as much time to think about it AND I got an extra paycheck. Bonus! And keep in mind that even if you can't afford it now, you can pick a date in the future you'll visit and work towards that. DBF and I picked March 5, 2009 at first, and I saved and we made plans, and then it turned out that I could afford the visit in February!

DBF and I chat online all day, every day. We play board games on MSN or Skype. We watch movies together we find online. And we plan for everything that's happening after "the date" (which is August 23. )

It seems like you're definitely on the right track. Keep your chin up. Remember this is only temporary. And, honestly, the anticipation makes the together times EVEN BETTER! Look forward to that.

Oh, you poor thing....

Vincent knew each other 2 or 3 years before meeting in person. We had been "together" 6 months before we actually met.... When he left, the first time, I cried for days. My mom had to give me benadryl because my face was so puffy. I mean, I was 16, so it felt like the end of the world to me then. But I can't say that it ever got much easier.

Even thinking about it, now that we are together forever finally, I feel sad. Those were the worst moments of my life. The saying goodbye, just from the moment we saw each other I would start thinking about it, how it was inevitable. I'm sorry that you have to go through this as well. But know that the sadness you're feeling is because you have a love that other people search for their whole lives! It's a lot more complicated, but it makes you appreciate each other so much more...


The way Vincent and I coped: We, too, would leave skype running a lot of the time. I would try to throw myself into school/work, because otherwise I would think about it too much, and it just wasn't healthy... But rather than sit there talking about how much we missed each other, we would watch movies and tv together via the internet. Sometimes we'd read to each other on the phone. Or we'd do the "if I was there right now, what would we do?" One Valentines Day, we cooked the exact same meal and ate on webcam and phone. It sounds a bit pathetic I guess, but it's the only way we could "be together" so we did it, and we made do. We also tried to have lives away from the computer, though we were a bit weak.

The best advice I can say is: Mourn after the goodbyes. Give yourself time to miss him. But then, don't dwell on it. Go out with friends and live your life... It helps to have friends in UKY because many of us have been through the same thing. If you ever need to talk, don't hesitate to PM me.... I hope that you feel better soon. *hug*

Wow I'm so glad someone recommended this forum!

I'm in exactly the same position as you Cassie. My boyfriend is in the US and I'm in the UK. I'm seeing him in October for two weeks and believe me I am counting down the days but it still seems like a very long time. It's actually comforting to know that there are others who understand how I'm feeling. My friends in the UK mostly think we are insane for being together against all the odds. I tell them they obviously have never been in love 

We spend 4-5 hours minimum talking on skype video calls every day. Luckily I work from home on my own schedule so the time difference doesn't cause too much of a problem like I know it can for others. At the weekend we'll leave the webcam on and both lie down for a nap together, sometimes if it's late where he is, he'll drift off talking to me and I get to watch him sleep until the call goes down. We watch TV online, football matches etc, listen to music together or sometimes just sit surfing the net looking at places we want to go or things we want to do when we're together. Even having a video call going as we're answering emails or talking to friends on the phone helps integrate us into each others lives. It makes us feel amazingly close and the way I see it is that putting in all these hours into the relationship when we're apart, without the physical side, means we have built an unshakeable foundation for the future.

Our story is amazingly star-crossed, we really have beat all the odds to get where we are. I have never doubted it though and neither has he. I don't know of a stronger couple despite or maybe because, of the distance and obstacles we have faced.

We will have our happy ending, my engagement ring is picked out and will be on my finger in October when I visit. We're getting married in Hawaii in May and coming straight back to the UK to live for at least a few years.

I'd love to chat to anyone in a similar position - just PM me if you like.

Good luck to all those in long distance relationships out there. Keep believing in your happy ever after!

I too, am a lot like you guys. Only I'm the one in the US, my fiance is the one in the UK.

He and I met via internet back in 2003, but we have no records for it. Neither of us come from wealthy families at all, and it was only this year that I got my own computer and whatnot to talk to him. We met this year, finally, and it tore me up more than it helped to see him. And that takes a lot, because it was amazing to see him. We'd been dating off and on for about a year when we finally got to hold hands for the first time. Since I'm 19, I have to wait till I'm 21 to even try. By then, laws could change and get harder.

I'm trying to get a job or something to occupy my time, but there's literally barely anything around where I live. I also have some social problems, so I do not work well in places like McDonalds and whatever else. Since he and I don't have a lot of money, he and I won't be able to see one another much either by the time we finally apply, which is a worry that it may look bad on us, but trying not to think that far ahead.

We use Yahoo call instead of Skype, which needs to change soon and I've been meaning to change that actually. I've always been a paranoid person, but really it wasn't until I found out about all the requirements and things did I seriously stress out. If you go to the Visa boards on this forum, you'll see a lot of nit-picking questions about the process that I shouldn't even be worried with because it's two years down the road.

My mom is on SSDI and has a lot of health problems, so it's not like I have some parent that could help us with the processing or getting him over here or vice versa, either. I know the woes of being apart from someone that means the world to you, and I also know how it feels to be forced to wait.

He's working a full time job right now so he can come see me in November for three months. It's worth seeing him, but with the time change he and I only see one another about four days out of the week. I just can't stop thinking about seeing him again. As grateful as I am for that, a part of me wonders if I'm not just setting myself up for more hurt and whatnot. But I'd rather see him and be hurt than be in a long distance relationship and the closest I get to a kiss is his lips on the webcam.

For any and all who'd ever like to talk to me, I am free to help out and can be a shoulder. It's a tough process, but rewarding too. It's best to take it as it comes and remember just how much the other person is worth to you, to give you the inspiration to dry the tears and carry on.

Hope my story helped, somehow.

I completely second or third that having a date to see him again in place helps a lot! Keeping a countdown is one of the thing that really helps to keep me sane. 

Tim and I play on Google Earth a lot while we're on Skype.  We'll start showing each other the places we lived, or the places we want to take the other, or sometimes we'll just go on a "trip".

....and then we discovered Google MOON (in the upgrade of Google Earth).  We also spend way too many hours on Wikipedia together

I still cry occasionally because I miss him, but I'm focusing on the future we'll have together. As most of you know, I'm waiting for that elusive special question while at the same time listening to Tim plan our future (Seriously. Today he told me that "we" need to get the walls re-plastered before Winter). Oh, it's so frustrating....but worth it. 

My fiancee lives in London, I live in Texas, so I know what you are feeling.  It can be very difficult to cope with, I cry myself to sleep alot of the nights.  Definately having dates when you will see him next is helpful!  I see mine in two weeks.  Then we plan to be together permanently in December at the latest.  I am throwing myself into work, taking on two jobs, just staying busy, talking to him everyday, and anxiously trying to pass the time. I know it feels like forever, but the way I see.....its worth it.  You will appreciate eachother more, and know your relationship can withstand such a big obstacle.  Sometimes I feel like if we can make it through this..we can do anything together, unstoppable like Bonnie & Clyde.  Just try to stay positive, communicate with your mate, and remember eventually you will be together permanently.   

I totally agree with Erika, what doesn't break you as a couple makes you invincible!

Days seem to take forever to get through for me. Rory is working full time AND studying full time so he doesn't have time to dwell on it as much The downside to that is that whilst we used to talk for literally hours every day on video, now we are reduced to a couple of 10 minute calls during the day as he walks to and from class which has been hard adjusting to over the last couple of months. He works from 4pm to midnight his time as a police sergeant so he will call me as he patrols in his truck most nights unless it's really busy. Most importantly, he calls me just after midnight every night without fail as he leaves work (just after 6am for me!) so we get to talk right before he goes to bed and just as I'm starting my day. That keeps me sane through the never-ending morning/early afternoon "Rory sleeping" hours until I can start looking forward to him calling again and he gets to go to sleep with a smile on hs face and with me having said good night and I love you. I also email every single morning whilst he's asleep telling him my news and all the mundane things that I've forgotten to tell him on the phone. That also helps keep us right there in each other's lives despite the distance. He usually reads them when he wakes up and we'll talk about stuff from them when he calls during his morning at college.

I would say that if you have a date to look forward to, say when you are going to see each other, then do something every week until then to make the time from week to week go faster. For instance we would take it in turns to send each other something in the mail with a little handwritten note. To give you an example, a little wooden box with a key with "treasures" in like a baby photo of me, a key ring I'd made him, a poem I'd written for him, some british coins minted in our birth years (me), then one of his ex-military firefighter shirts which he'd worn as an undershirt for the day before sending for me to wear to sleep in (him). I spend a lot of time thinking of ideas of what to send and it really passes the time and marks off each week

We also make stupid bets with forfeits for the loser and rewards for the winner. Like who can finish a book we're both reading first or who has been to the gym most that week (I spend so much tme at the gym these days, it's a win/win situation, it passes time and vents frustration at being apart from Rory plus I'm in great shape :p). The great thing is I usually win the bets because I have WAYYYY more free time than him hehe.

Basically you both need to be committed to making the effort, it is so much harder than being a "normal" couple but the pay-off is that you will be extremely strong and able to support each other like a couple who have been together forever by the time you get to be together permanently