My husband's and my friends from the UK are the ones giving us a hard time about leaving. Every time we bring it up, there is some sort of negativity about moving back there. However, the ones who are older and closer to retirement or are retired are planning to move back and generally have good things to say. When we ask the younger ones about their future plans, they say to retire in Britain, of course! Meanwhile, they have a laundry list of complaints about living back home, and they sound just like the social problems we have here in America.
The hardest thing for me right now is telling my parents we are actually leaving. They still don't know. My husband and I have been considering moving back for about a year now. I have been going through a grieving process, trying to decide to leave or to stay, feeling guilty for leaving my parents in the golden years of their lives. I go over and over in my head the reasons I should leave for Scotland or why I should stay in America. For one thing, my husband is now 47 and sees no prospect of retiring here in the US. In the 10 years we've been married, he's only seen his father once in that ten years and his mother, twice. I fear I will not be able to see my parents again. I will miss my family. I will miss sunshine. I will miss mild winters and long summers. On the other hand, I think I will be giving my children a good education and a unique life experience in a beautiful country their father talks about. I also think about how I am starting my life fresh again. I am excited to perhaps go back to school to get a masters degree (that is if they honor my bach.) I will be able to experience something few people I know have been able to say they've done, which is live abroad.
Then here comes the downer...Telling my parents. I have been bringing it up quite a bit over the last several months. I recently had a baby in March. At one point I refused to let my parents buy any more large items for the baby because I knew we had plans to leave as soon as the baby was born. My parents went crazy! I felt like I was sixteen years old again. They were telling me it was pregnancy hormones and I needed something from the doctor. It turned into a major emotional ordeal. Another time I mentioned leaving (after the baby was born) they blamed it on post partum. I can't talk to them without crying and sometimes raising my voice. I am hurt that they are afraid to lose me and their grandchildren. They are retired doing their own thing, living their lives, travelling when they want to. Why can't they see I need to do this for my husband? I can't expect him not to take care of his parents. I can't expect him to work until he's 75 and still not have enough Social Security or retirement to live on. He'll never be able to have the lifestyle my parents are enjoying now when it is his turn to retire. I can't expect him to continue to be miserable here in America.
So here I am about to apply for my spousal visa and my parents are oblivious to the fact that we are serious about moving.
Everytime I talk about moving or Scotland in general, my parents always have something negative to say. They've never been there and my mother would barely look at our pictures from our visit. How can they judge something they've never seen or experienced? They said the "magic" would wear off. They said we would regret it. Well, I hate to tell them but this is not about magic or enchantment. This is about taking care of the needs, dreams and desires of the man I vowed to love, honor and cherish. There will be regrets, but how can I live a life of "what-ifs?" all the the time? It's certainly not living!
I can't say sorry for needing to get that off my chest. I'm just wondering if anyone has had similar over-reactions from anyone- family or friends.