I just wanted to say, that while this to you might be unacceptable behaviour, it is very common in the small rural village where I live for teens to stay home, my DH's oldest brother didn't even leave until he was 28. At the moment, it is hard to find a job (though, granted, your stepson might not be looking very hard for one anyway) and when my DH was that age, he was also on the dole because this is a small village and there aren't many jobs to be had. He did finally find one a few years later, and he has worked there for 17 years now, and worked his way up in the company. At 19, though, he was still living at home, his mam did all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc, and he was on the dole, only popping by the JobCentre every 2 weeks or so to check and see if anything came up. And he did go out with his friends whenever he wanted, stayed out all night if he wanted, or even all weekend, and did things teenagers generally do at that age. Party, mostly. So, although you may see this as unacceptable behaviour, it actually sounds pretty normal, for the area we live in, and it's definitely accepted here. I can certainly remember taking a lot for granted at that age - my father paid my tuition many times and I dropped out, but now I have a masters degree, so I did shape up eventually, as did my DH.
There are some issues with certain things, like your stepson being disrespectful and asking for rides in the wee hours of the morning, but, he is a teenager, so he is going to be mouthy sometimes, and as far as what his father does for him - he already had this relationship with his father, so it will be difficult for you to change it. I think you should try to just let things go a bit, and it is very possible your stepson will turn out just fine. You can, of course, give your husband your input, but ultimately, he is the one who has to take charge if he wants anything to change with his son. I know it's tough, and I am a stepmom of a toddler, and don't always agree with certain things about his upbringing (he still gets a pacifier sometimes at 3.5 years old which drives me nuts) but ultimately, it is up to his parents to decide what they want to do about certain things. I can only just try to have the best relationship with my stepson as I can, and hope that I can be a good influence on his life. Hopefully he will start itching for more money and his own place, and all those good motivators soon enough and start trying harder to act like an adult.
Just my two pence. I hope it gets better for you soon.