Having a hard time making friends

I'm from New Hampshire, and I moved here last Sept. with my husband and dog to the Nottingham area.  I've found it really hard to make friends.  I'm 30 (out of the partying college mode), yet I don't have kids and don't plan to for a few more years.  It seems like we're right in between those 2 "groups" of people.  I meet people, but never really find like I can connect with anyone.  I've tried joining sports clubs, tried to form a book club at the local library, tried chatting with neighbors, but I'm just not feeling like I fit in here.
I'm losing motivation to go out and join more clubs.  I didn't think I'd be homesick, but I am.  My husband travels a lot, and I only work part time in an office (by myself mostly) so I feel like my dog is my only friend!
What have other people done to make friends here?  Thanks, Violet

Hello!  Are you close with your mother-in-law?  For a while, my MiL was my only friend around here.  Other friends I've made around here have come mostly from the internet: people I know from this forum and other folks I met via LiveJournal before I moved here.  I also knit, and I've met people via Ravelry and joined knitting groups.  Don't give up!  It does take a while to get a good group going and sometimes you just have to keep at it.  Best of luck!

I'm from New Hampshire, and I moved here last Sept. with my husband and dog to the Nottingham area.  I've found it really hard to make friends.  I'm 30 (out of the partying college mode), yet I don't have kids and don't plan to for a few more years.  It seems like we're right in between those 2 "groups" of people.  I meet people, but never really find like I can connect with anyone.  I've tried joining sports clubs, tried to form a book club at the local library, tried chatting with neighbors, but I'm just not feeling like I fit in here.
I'm losing motivation to go out and join more clubs.  I didn't think I'd be homesick, but I am.  My husband travels a lot, and I only work part time in an office (by myself mostly) so I feel like my dog is my only friend!
What have other people done to make friends here?  Thanks, Violet

Hi!  You're me aren't you?  I'm 32 and no plans to have a kid yet and my workplace is really small, so no real friends here.  Sadly, I am in Cambridge and we have no car. 

Where did you live in N.H.?  I lived in Gorham for a summer. I loved N.H., but I know Gorham/North Conway is not really representative of the state.

Hi Violet,
I feel just like you, right between the age groups, I have no kids, yet feel to old to drink every night! lol
I see you live in Nottingham, and I do too, so if you ever want to chat or meet up give me a PM.
Other than that I have no advice because I'm still trying to make friends myself. My only friends here are from UKY, and I wish I got to see them more.
Good luck.
xoxo

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time   I wrote this post about two years ago, but I think most of it is still relevant!

http://talk.uk-yankee.com/index.php?topic=34039.0

One thing I am toying with when our eventual move happens is the possibility of going along to a local Quaker Meeting House. I am pretty much an atheist and not at all a fan of organised religion, and yet at times I have found it interesting and worthwhile to go along to a Friends (hey!) Meeting and sit in silence for an hour and then have tea and biscuits with some very nice and thoughtful people.

Is there a religious group you might consider attending?

I always say the same thing about making friends, if you meet someone and you have a nice chat for a few minutes or whatever, don't be afraid of asking for their phone number or email address, and make the first move by asking them for a coffee, or something like that. Thats how I met some of my best friends!!! Good luck! Happy talking to strangers!!!

Aww,sorry you're having a tough time.
Have you tried something like meetup.org?

I always tell someone who is having trouble meeting people (be it they've lived in the same town their whole lives and want to meet someone new, or someone who just moved 8000 miles from home) is to find things to do that keep you interested.  We all love to be social people and feel like we need friends, but the key is to find activities that you love to do, regardless of who its with.  If you're at your happiest moment, doing what it is you love, then people will automatically be drawn to your happy attitude and want to talk to you. What are you into?  Once they do, take the opportunity to talk more, if they don't ask first,  take down their numbers and make the first move. It doesn't need to be on the first meeting- but if you're doing a regular activity and you find you get on with folks at the activity and you feel comfortable with them, its a great way to branch out from it.  You'll then be able to go from there.

 

I know this thread is a bit old, but I just felt compelled to speak up.  I've been in Swansea for 3 years and have not really connected to any friends.  It seems that there are plenty of false starts that never get beyond the acquaintance phase.

We visited with an old school friend who also moved to the UK from the US and he commented that it seems to take about 18 months of hard work and polite "acquaintance" type interaction before a Brit will finally cross that line to being a friend.

I ended up going to a therapist for my loneliness and depression.  Even she admitted that you have to work quite hard here to make friends due to how naturally reserved most Brits are.

That said, just this week I finally worked up the nerve to go to a craft show in Cardiff all alone and couldn't believe how chatty and friendly everyone was - I think its because they enjoy particular crafts and its easy for them to talk to someone who expresses even the smallest bit of interest and love to share tips.  The next week I went out for coffee with a group of knitters and its the first time I felt like I was back in the social environment that I was used to in the US.  In other words, it felt "easier"

So, I think it helps to find a "safe" situation where people are gathering due to a common interest to begin with.  There's so much more outgoing interactions and people don't need to talk about themselves, or ask personal questions.  They can talk about whatever the common interest is that brought you together in the first place.

Good luck!

meetup.com  has  groups  that will have similiar interests.. I ended up  beig part  of  a movie  group and  an Italian group  in Birmingham..  figure out what you like to  do.I am sure there is a group out there..

I've been here 8 years and only recently have I started to enjoy being here.  I do have children and have through the years met a few mothers who I thought could be good friends but found that for the most part they only wanted to be friends as I live close to the school and the mainline train station that goes to London, so I was great for after school child care and for free parking when they needed to go into London.  What a fool I was.

Last year I decided to try my hand at playing golf, my husband has been playing for years.  I went to the local county golf course and took lessons, practiced by myself over the summer on the small par 3 and then a year ago took part in a round of golf with the lady members that was especially for beginners.  They continued to invite me to play with them and by April of this year I became a member.  I was really stunned that after all of these years of lonliness and false friendships that there was actually a group of women out there that really were kind, warm and welcoming.  I do not see these ladies outside of golf but we get together 2 to 3 times a week so I now have that all important social interaction that was missing in my life for so many years.

Find something you enjoy, sports are usually a good bet, tennis, squash or even try your hand at netball.  Gym memberships are great for getting fit but I have found they are not a great place for meeting and making friends, but that is just my experience.

Best of luck.

Most of my friends are my husband friends wives and girlfriends.  He works with a very social group of lads and they get together all the time and over the years I've met some of their girlfriends I like, and some that I tolerate... but my best friend over here is actually his best friends girlfriend.  Your partner can help you make friends and should do as for most people on this forum, they're the main reason you're over here. Ask him to introduce you to people. 

It is really difficult to make friends, I think.  I am struggling as well, mainly because I'm fairly shy and extremely socially awkward, so I don't always send out (or understand!) social cues.  I'd second the friends of spouse idea--the one girl I would count as a good friend here is the wife of one of DH's close friends.  I also think that sports and other hobbies are great places to find friends--as is UK-Y of course.
I think racheeee is right, you have to be really proactive to make friends at an older age and in a new culture--but hobbies are great--anything that gets you smiling and excited is bound to be a place where you can make friends!

violet:  Send me a message with your email when you get a chance...I have a friend from Boston who just moved with her husband to Nottingham.  They are close to your age with no kids and don't really know anyone yet either.  Perhaps you could meet up?