Moving without Family...

Hi all: So moving to the UK has been a dream of mine for nearly 20 years (I'm 32, American) and I can finally make it happen now that I have my Irish Dual citizenship. The company I currently work for has an office in London but can not guaruntee me a job as yet since we are still in a hiring freeze, but I've been told I am at the top of the list should something open up. My husband and I are flying over in February so that I can meet with HR and visit the London office and of course to flat hunt. We've decided to move either way, job or no job offer, come the end of May. My question is...I've been thinking if I do not have an offer by March then I should move over by myself two months prior to look for a job, find a place and get things situated, but I have a four yr old son and although my husband says he is more than able and happy to take care of him by himself for a month or two I'm not exactly sure it would be good for my son. What are your thoughts on my dilemma? (Sorry for the VERY drawn out explanation )

Hi, and welcome!

I have a four year old as well, and she and I just moved over here to live with my husband. Her father was originally planning on joining us here via the highly skilled route, but he changed his mind about moving for now (possibly in the future, or maybe we'll move back to the states; we'll see).

She's adapted totally well to the distance. I felt pretty guilty about it, naturally, but she's happy and they get to Skype chat once or twice a week. At four, they're old enough to understand that mommy or daddy is away for a while but that they still love them very much, and that they'll get to see them soon. They're also young enough to be easily distracted, and unless your son is so attached to you that you can barely drop him off with another caregiver, he should be fine for a little while.

If it's just a month or two, I would say give it a go. Honestly, at his age, you'll probably suffer from the separation a whole lot more than he will. 

Good luck! I hope you get it sorted out. 

What are the advantages of you moving over two months earlier than your family?

Are your husband and son Irish citizens? There are many relationships on this forum where couples had to get married and each spouse needed to be physically separated in order to return to their home countries to get visas taken care of. If it is only for a short time, I'm sure your son will be fine. However, you have to take into account that the job situation in the UK is not at its best, you may find a job with your first application or you may wait longer than two months. I recommend that you plan this very carefully. You as a family will also have to take care of visas for your husband and son, if they aren't Irish/UK/EU citizens.

Those are good questions - does anyone know if a new citizen can get ILE for her spouse if they've been married for four years? Can their child automatically become a citizen?

Thanks for the replies. I am an American who received my Irish dual citizenship a year ago. My son can not acquire citizenship because he was born before I got mine; both he and my husband are also American. Because of my Irish citizenship, I have the "right to live/move" anywhere within the EU...that's how we got to this point. My DH and DS would be entering the UK on a EEA Family Permit.

My husband isn't necessairily thrilled about the move but is being supportive since it's been my life's dream for so long. I have many business connections as I currently work at a international law firm and we have several UK based clients I can interview with should my transfer fall through. I suppose I thought if I had to come over earlier (due to the transfer falling thru) it would make things easier on our family as a whole since I would have time to find a job, flat and get acquainted with the area prior to them joining me. I thought it would be less stressful on the family if I got work first, settled us and then had them join me.

I suppose I thought if I had to come over earlier (due to the transfer falling thru) it would make things easier on our family as a whole since I would have time to find a job, flat and get acquainted with the area prior to them joining me. I thought it would be less stressful on the family if I got work first, settled us and then had them join me.

As a kid we moved around a lot, internationally and in the US. My father always went out ahead a month or two before us kids. But then there was 4 kids and wife and a dog so I think it made more sense to do it that way rather than a family that size living out of suitcases and then trapezing about looking at places with all of us in tow. Not saying we were bad, but it would not have been a wise move to have left me and my sisters alone while they were out looking for a home for us.

Anyway if it's only a few months and you guys are ok with it, then that would be a good way to go about it. With you being here before hand, you could organise things to sort of buffer his culture shock when he gets here.

IME, it's best to stick together.  It's going to be hard enough to uproot everyone when you move but if you separate, if only for a few months, you're going to be disrupting the family twice.  In the end, the thing that kids (at least my kids) hold on to is the family because the stability in environment will be shot to hell.  It would have killed my kids to have us separated during such a time of upheaval (and I've done this more than a few times..).  Be patient and wait until  you have your ducks in a row before you make the move.  The UK isn't going anywhere. 

I agree with MrsPink.  I can't see the advantages of you going over earlier than them. You will be alone in a new country and looking for a job and place to live can be emotionally and physically draining. Plus I think it would be nicer to explore the area together.  I'd want my family with me in this situation.

I'd agree that it's be nicer if a family can all go together, but living out of suitcases (and possibly in a hotel) for a few weeks can be pretty hard on mom, dad, and a wee one. If your job prospects look good, and you can use the time to get settled into a place, I don't think a month or two away from the family would harm anyone. I would personally prefer to move the family into a nice, cozy home upon arrival rather than apartment-hunt and pack everyone up (again) during the first few weeks of living here (which are pretty stressful, as is).

But, to each her own.

Thanks all, for your responses. It's good to get other perspectives and your responses were insightful. Well, we still have a few months before DH and I fly over for my "informational" interviews, I suppose I'll have a better sense of what to do during that trip. I really do not want to leave DS (4 yrs old), even if only for a month or two...only if I absolutely have to will I

I know I'm late to this thread, but I just found it because of your other posts kdhgreen. When we moved over my husband had already found a job and they needed him to start right away.  It wasn't possible for us to pack up all our belongings, sell our house, etc. in only two weeks so he had to go ahead while I stayed in the US with our two children (4&7) to do those things.  We were apart for 5 months and it was very hard on all of us.  It worked out OK but would not have been my choice.

If I were in your postion (it seems like you know the transfer will probably come through) I would prefer to try and rap up things at home as much as you can, be prepared for the move, and then try to move over together as a family when the job offer comes through.  I would be too nervous to move over without a firm job lined up though.

I agree with what Cellar Door is saying about the stress of living in limbo, and it may be there is no easy way to do this.  My thoughts reflect my own temperament and experiences, and you'll need to think about what will work best for your family.