House, work, money, wedding arrrghhhh

Hello,

Just need some space to vent my stress, and this seemed the best place to do it, seeing as although centred on the wedding, it's not ALL abut the wedding, plus Hitching Post is pretty fluffy and positive, and right now I feel far from fluffy and positive about my wedding.

Here are the stress factors:

1) His family are coming over from the States for the wedding.  His mother has never been to the UK before so feel HUGE pressure to make sure she doesn't think I've lured her son away from the USA for a lower standard of living here.  This is in part related to:

2) We're moving house just before the wedding.  In principle, this would be fine, because we are only moving round the corner, we have lived there before, and we are good friends with the landlord.  In practice: IT'S STILL A BUILDING SITE!  The brand new, lovely kitchen was supposed to go in 3 weeks ago but hasn't.  All the other work depends on the kitchen being in place because the kitchen parts are currently sitting in the living room, so no space to move things around for decorating purposes.  No word yet when this is going to happen.  I don't want his mother to think we're going to be living in some crappy half-finished slum, when acutally, it should be a really nice house.

3) The best man (DF's best buddy from US) and his wife and other friends, are meant to be staying at the new house.  We have other people staying at the old house.  If we have no new house, they have nowhere to stay.  Will have to think of backup.  I don't want to have to think of backup.

4) I have a big freelance job on at the moment on top of my other work.  I really need the money because OH is about to start a distance learning qualification which we have to pay for somehow.  He needs to do this in order to earn more money in the future and get anywhere with his career, but the timing couldn't be worse.  This is adding to the stress.

5) OH's FLR(M) visa application.  I don't think I need to elaborate on this.  I'm sure you all know the stress.  And ANOTHER cost.

6) Planning the wedding.  I just resent every minute I have to spend doing this right now.  I don't believe any of the 'best day of your life' crap.  If this is it, then why don't people just shoot themselves the day after to avoid the following 50 years of disappointment?  The trouble is, if I don't put any effort in it's going to be rubbish.  I am worried that I am about to burst out of my clothes and become BRIDEZILLA.  Which won't be pretty...

HUMPH.

Thanks for reading.

You have so much on right now!  That's insane.  Moving house and getting married are supposed to be two of the most stressful changes in a person's life and you're trying to do both at the same time!   

When we were getting married we had people who it was their first trip to the UK and I felt pressure to impress them, plus if there was anything that I forgot to tell them, I felt horrible.  You can't focus on her though trust me.  I didn't enjoy my own wedding because I was worried about where I was putting everyone in our house plus those who didn't stay with us, but it was their first trip to the UK. 

The visa, as long as you get everything together that is required, you should be okay.  I know it's hard to think that right now, but as long as there aren't any other factors that could affect it, it will probably be fine.

Good luck with it all!!! 

Thanks for the reply!  So glad someone else has felt the same pressure!

When I say "moving" I really mean that we're preparing the new house and hope to have people staying in it when they're over here.  Luckily we live with good friends so no pressure to actually physically move all our stuff before the wedding.  But we at least need a kitchen, heating and beds!

I keep making up nightmare scenarios about the visa in my head.  Stupid stuff, especially as there's nothing special about our application.  We have money, we have a house, we have lived together for 2 years, been together for 3.  Doesn't stop my imagination though...

Sorry to hear you're having a rough patch...your problems are exactly why DH and I decided to do a small civil ceremony at the County Clerks office where I grew up in California...we asked that only my parents & brothers show up but in the end we had about 20 people (all my family) show up and then we went across the street to a pizza parlor and had pizza & salad buffet that my parents (as the parents of the bride) paid for...Cheap, cheerful and only 1 visa to pay for  .

Good Luck!

Luckily he's here on PSW (we met while at university here in the UK), so we haven't had to do the fiance visa route!

In part I think we would both like a small wedding, but I being the only daughter, oldest child, oldest grandchild, and he an only son, not to mention the first of my family and friends to get married, we felt there would always be a tang of regret if we didn't go for a big ole party...  But cheap and cheerful sounds lovely!  We're trying to keep costs down as much as possible (I learnt to tie my bouquet last week!), but your way sounds really appealing.

Thanks for the good wishes!

I guess I stand by our decision, but reserve the right to whinge about the consequences... 

I guess I stand by our decision, but reserve the right to whinge about the consequences... 

We all have the right to whinge now and then, and I think with all you are dealing with you have extra rights to it! Even good wonderful things can be annoying and stressful! I am sure it will all be worth it in the end

  Thanks.  I have an inkling it will be too.  Feel so much better for sharing!