Feeling increasingly homesick since getting pregnant

Hello.

I joined back when I was trying to sort out my original visa and now, 4 years later my husband (british) and I (american) are expecting our first in October.

Since finding out I was pregnant, I have been getting more and more homesick.  I'd never really experienced it before except just before and just after a visit.  Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones, or maybe it's the realisation that my family will not come to visit anytime soon (sister is moving to the west coast, parents are getting older, and the other, well, she's never accepted my choice to move) but I'm getting really scared about not having the support here that I would if I were back at home. 

I'm just glad to have found other people who may be going through or have gone through similar things like this.  I welcome any advice or tips to get through this and to just get to know more people who understand.

Cheers,

Pengi

Ah yes, I can completely relate.  I had been living abroad for seven years and out of my parents home for nearly 14 when I had my first child.  I couldn't believe the difference.  Also, you learn that in-laws don't always help the way your own family would. 
I missed my own family a lot, and they came for the births, for frequent visits, etc but during those first few years/ months I really missed them.
Now the children are older (altho another is due this summer) I miss my family seeing them during special events. Always get a bit sad at their birthdays or special school things.

My in-laws are quite well off and live in France, but it is easy for them to get here.  I remember just after I'd had my baby assuming they would come right out to see their new grandbaby.  I had her in February, so I was quite hurt when they announced they'd be making their customary visit in June.  It just wasn't how things would have been done in my family, so I was hurting that they wouldn't make an extra effort to be there with us.  They love us.  I'm very thankful for them, but it's just different.

I think there's something about pregnancy that really brings out an almost instinctual desire to cling to your roots and what you know.  Of course you are missing your family!  I'm sorry it's hitting you.  It will get better though, and you'll find your support network here.  I've been amazed at the support I've found, especially from other women with babies.  Seek out friends who know what it's like.  Find mother and baby groups if you don't know others.  Hit the webcam for back home, and know they'll come when they can.

(((hugs)))

I'm feeling a bit like that at the moment. I have a big family back home and would have about 5 babysitters on call 24/7 if i needed them in the form of cousins, aunts, grandparents.. but over here, I have nothing. My in-laws even live an hour away so can't just watch the baby for an hour or anything like that. It would be a big ordeal for them to come down, watch the baby, spend the night--just because DH and I want a night out or something.

I also feel a bit like people have forgotten about me, 6 months pregnant over here. Everyone was excited at first, but that has sort of fizzled out and no one ever calls or emails and asks how im doing, when I know if i were home, everyone would be making a big fuss over me. Is it wrong that I want the fuss? I don't even get a baby shower over here and no one has even asked me what we want/need for the baby. 

Awww (((HUGS))) to you all! I felt the same way when I was pregnant with my little girl. I felt very alone at times and very emotional as well and more than anything I missed my mama. I too have a large family back in the US with loads of potential babysitters and like Chrissy had no one else here to rely on for help. And yes Chrissy, I just wanted to come on here and respond to you that it's perfectly normal to want a bit of fussing as well. 

First of all, *hugs*!  Secondly, what you are saying is the same reason I'm not sure I ever want to have children.  My husband's family has no interest in us and frequently lets us down.  They don't even really call my dh to check in.  I never had a big family, but I always had people around me who loved me growing up and my grandmother was a big support to my parents in helping out and looking after me.  I know in England I will never have support and it's very scary. 

I hope that you have better in-laws than I do who will pitch in a bit and help out.  Or maybe even that you have friends who will help or find a baby group that will offer you the support of other mums who have new babies.  But for now, I'm sorry that you are feeling down and good luck with your pregnancy. *hugs again*

I went through this early in my pregnancy also.  I had just moved to the UK and everything was ok...then the pregnancy hormones kicked in.  (Me and my husband were also having issues with the whole adjustment to living together and everything...so that didn't help.)  I even called my mom and begged her to send me the money for a flight home so I could move back to the US. 

It only lasted for about 2 weeks and then the homesickness was gone.  I do still think about how my parents will miss so much with this baby (I lived with them for 9 months with my first child...so they have always been very very close with her) and I get kinda sad about it...but I know I have my hubby standing beside me to make everything ok (yeah, I know it's not the same...but still).

It doesn't go away if you are very close to your family and/or you have no help from your spouse's family in the UK.

Sorry, just my experience, but there it is.

It doesn't go away if you are very close to your family and/or you have no help from your spouse's family in the UK.

Sorry, just my experience, but there it is.

Umm, yeh, cheers for that. 

Umm, yeh, cheers for that. 

I did say it was just my experience.

It isn't the same for everyone, but in my case it's gotten worse.

I did say it was just my experience.

It isn't the same for everyone, but in my case it's gotten worse.

Yes, I know, its just not the most comforting thing to say to a bunch of overly emotional pregnant ladies who are missing their family.

Yes, I know, its just not the most comforting thing to say to a bunch of overly emotional pregnant ladies who are missing their family.

A bunch? 

There were only 2 on the thread.

I was just being honest.

My bad, obviously.

 

Um, I'm one too, and I'm sure there are others who read this as well.  I'm sorry it's been your experience.  I've found my experience to be the opposite.  I've been even happier and content here.  I definitely had bad spouts while I was pregnant and hormonal the first time (like a full crying session when my sister had a baby shower and I knew I wouldn't get one), but I've had so many reach out and made a lot of good friends.  I'm very happy as a mum here.  I do miss my family, but things have been very good.  Hopefully this go around I won't be as hormonal.

Hiya,

Sorry for the delay in replying, things have been hectic here this past week.  I sometimes wonder how much more they can put on my plate at work! It sometimes feels that because I actually do my job, everyone just thinks oh give it to Pengi she'll do it.  HA looking forward to mat leave already. 

Thank you for your kind words, in away, knowing I'm not alone in feeling this way makes it easier.

I think the kicker was when I was told by a sister earlier this week that it was decided to stay and see more of the other sister instead of coming to visit me this year like they had planned and then being told that 'maybe' they could come next year when they go visit their exchange student!!!!  All I could think was how nice it is that my family thinks seeing someone they've known for less than a year is more important than seeing me and the baby.  In someways, hearing that makes me not homesick at all and glad that I live 4000 miles from the nearest family member.

I also won't be having a shower here, but i'm ok with that. It would be nice, but I'd probably not have had one in the States either. 

Pengi