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Topic: Does anyone have kids in the USA while you are in the UK?  (Read 948 times)

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Does anyone have kids in the USA while you are in the UK?
« on: May 04, 2010, 01:39:10 PM »
I was wondering if any parents here have their kids in the USA while you are living in the UK?   If so how old?  Do they live with your ex husband/wife?  Was it a hard decision?

My situation:

I have a 2.5 yr old daughter.  I am divorced and have joint custody, but not the joint custody that is normally arranged.  I only get to see my daughter 4 days out of a month.  I live in a different state than my ex husband and daughter.  I lost my job at the time of the divorce, and was forced to live with family.  In light of this we both thought it better for my daughter to stay in the marital home (which my husband nows owns) and continue going to the daycare she has gone to since born. 

I an now engaged to a Uk citizen, and being that my daughter is here we tried to get him over in the USA for a green card, but that is not possible.  Me being a dual citizen I plan on moving to the UK in Sept.  In light of this move, I contacted my ex husband (who I am on good terms with) and informed him of this, and tried to work out a custody schedule of 6 months in the usa and 6 months in the uk (while she is not in school yet).  Then after she starts school 3 months in summer with me in the UK and holidays.  He does not agree with this, and does not think its good for my daughter.  I think its bad for her to be with me.  So now a custody battle will have to ensue. 
My question:  am i bad mother for moving to the UK?  I am going to try to get either full custody or part.  Full might be hard as I wont have a job in the uk when i get there.  I have a job now.
My family disapproves of my decision to move.  I know that you will all be honest with me.  Please tell me what you think :-\\\\


Re: Does anyone have kids in the USA while you are in the UK?
« Reply #1 on: May 04, 2010, 03:05:31 PM »
Honestly at 2.5 if you only see your daughter 4 days out of the month my concern would be that she's not that used to living with you and by moving her to the UK 6 months out of the year will be difficult for her...especially with you being so concerned that she be with familiar & comfortable surroundings after your divorce that you left her with her father. Her father has been her primary parent and it would be extremely upsetting to her essentially losing that parent for 6 months at a time.

You also have to explore the visa situation for your daugher if she were to live with you 6 months out of the year...you state you're dual citizen but is your daughter? If she's not she'll be a visitor during her periods in the UK, not eligible to any NHS services so you'll have to get private health insurance for her, she will not eligible to go to UK schools or nursery without you paying for it 100% out of your own pocket as she cannot be benefit of public funds.

Lots of things to think about and I've only mentioned a few. My daughter is just turning 2 and thanfully her father & I are happily married, but I could never imagine taking her away from her Daddy for 6 months at a time...it would break her little heart and his as well. I couldn't do it to them...her happiness is more important than mine.

Best of luck to you and I don't envy your position one bit.


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Re: Does anyone have kids in the USA while you are in the UK?
« Reply #2 on: May 04, 2010, 03:17:02 PM »
You have to make the decision yourself but somethings else to consider:

Could you attach your 4 days this month and next together and go and see her in the US for 8 days every two months?   Also how is she with flights and travel?  Does she know anyone in the UK do you have a support system here?  If all your family is in the US it is hard to have a kid for 6 months on your own.   I brought my daughter (now 4) to the UK 7 months ago and we haven't even been for a night out because at the younger age you are less likely to leave them with a stranger for an evening or overnight.   For anyone 6 months full time by yourself with no breaks is hard.   If she is able to get UK citizenship at 3 she will be eligible for UK nursery vouchers while she is here - would you put her in school here?

IMO I would be very hesitant because socialization is so important at that age and kids are socialized differently in both countries.  It was a big adjustment for my 3 year old to go from US preschool to UK nursery and the differences in lifestyle.  To have a little one go back and forth and leave friends and her routine each time would be really hard.   
Moved from Chicago to Sheffield Aug. 2009


Re: Does anyone have kids in the USA while you are in the UK?
« Reply #3 on: May 04, 2010, 04:58:44 PM »
You both have good points.  I am looking into getting her dual citizenship...if i can.  I didnt realize that she wouldnt be eligible for NHS etc.  That definitely plays into it. 

I love my daughter very much, but I feel that I have to move to follow my heart...even though a piece will be left here with her.  I was talking to my ex about possibly getting her in the 3 months for summer, and then holiday xmas of course...every other one.  I think that sounds like it might be best. 

In addition I was going to set up a camming date every week to chat with her...this will be more beneficial when she gets older, but still.  Then of course when I visit the USA I will see her.  Just hate to leave her, but 4 days out of a month isnt much...and i cant help how the custody went and that my ex has her... :-\\\\


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Re: Does anyone have kids in the USA while you are in the UK?
« Reply #4 on: May 05, 2010, 01:34:12 AM »
At her age this might not matter yet but keep in mind the US 'summer' doesn't match up very well with the UK 'summer' depending on what her school year will be.

For my children the US summer was end of May until end of July, so that meant no day care would have been available for them in the UK until mid to late July when UK schools broke up for their summer holiday.

I know not all US summer breaks work that way but short term child care in the UK wasn't always easy to arrange if you worked.


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