How do I tell my family?

I dont know if this helps, but I did my wedding in stages:
1-Actual wedding just my family and 3 of our friends in Vegas

2- One month later wedding celebration/going away party with my family. Held it at a friends house, had a mixed tape as a DJ, my aunts wedding gift was flowers, we borrowed tents from my cousin, borrowed tables from my parents church, chocolate fountain and fruit as a gift from another person, table lines from a friend, and my parents wedding gift was a cheap caterer & Elvis impersonator.

3-in the UK, get together with DH's family at his parents house. Mid-afternoon thing with basically some cheese plates and sausage rolls

4-friend party in the UK- we rented the football club for really cheap and just had a friend's band play. One of our friends bought cake as a gift and we used champagne we got from DH's family for the toast, the rest of the drinks were from a cash bar (i'm cheap).

All in all DH & I spent probably £450 for all 4, with 75% of that being the actual Vegas ceremony and paperwork. My parents spent a little more than £2,000 for the food (for 80 people), Elvis plus an expensive meal, champagne and limo tour of Vegas. Once people knew we were getting married and trying to plan it all ourselves, we were overwhelmed with suggestions of cheap things and volunteered stuff for free. I probably could have kept the budget down if I didn't insist on the candy floss machine from the caterer and my DH would have let me charge his friends £5 at the door (they were seeing a band ).

I didn't really want anything other than a "let's just sign this paperwork and get it over with" wedding, but my mother wouldn't let me get away with that. It is totally possible though, to have a decent sized wedding for really cheap. If you really don't want it, don't give in, or feel bad, but if it does happen, you aren't too likely to regret it.

I must be in an opinionated mood today because normally I avoid these discussions like the plague.  I am speaking as a mother, grandmother, former widow and a woman who married a UKC last November. 

First of all, it's your life.  Whatever bed you make, you will have to lie in.  If you do not want a wedding, that is your choice.  You do not have to yield to pressure to please anyone, family included, who wants you to have a wedding.  Family and friends if they show any concern at all, should be concerned about your happiness, not whether you have a wedding. 

It's hard for parents and grandparents to "lose" a child through marriage when it means their child will live overseas. That's reality, but you have to chose what you think is best for yourself and not what others think is best for you. A note--if your parents see some obvious flaws or have any cautions about DF, you may want to listen to your mom and dad. 

When I was married last November, DH and I had a service in my home:  two people and a minister.  Period! Except I did ask my next door neighbors because we were very close.  Neither DH nor I wanted any fuss or muss.  We didn't want to spend money on a party for my friends, etc., etc.  Were people upset?  Yes!  My mother wasn't because she understood, but most of my friends were puzzled and some were insulted.  You are the person getting married.  It's your call.  Hope this helps! 

Here's more:  on DH's side of the family, people were inviting themselves to a wedding we weren't having and one relative was sure we couldn't get married without him. 

Stand your ground.  Everyone will settle down after the fact.  They will get over it.
Okay, I'm done.

Man.. I've been struggling with telling my family, as well.  Except my family thinks that anyone under 25 that gets married is doomed to live an unhappy life with regrets.  Every one of my friends that have been married has been completely looked down upon.  So I'm not too sure how to go about doing it :\

Congrats though, and I agree, if you don't want a big wedding I'm sure people would understand; but even just a small party might work!

First of all, it's your life.  Whatever bed you make, you will have to lie in.  If you do not want a wedding, that is your choice.  You do not have to yield to pressure to please anyone, family included, who wants you to have a wedding.

This.

Wait--you went the Fiance visa route and he's not ready?  Really?  That's sort of crazy!  Get thee to a registry office...

We are registered now. I gave him the time he needed and he is now happy about getting married. Our wedding day is September 7th.  There will be 7 in attendance, including us. Then we will have dinner at a local steakhouse.  Then back to our house for music, cake (which I am making), and lots of drinks. (It cracks me up to see his 89 year old grandmother downing vodkas with Coke.)

Steph

We are registered now. I gave him the time he needed and he is now happy about getting married. Our wedding day is September 7th.  There will be 7 in attendance, including us. Then we will have dinner at a local steakhouse.  Then back to our house for music, cake (which I am making), and lots of drinks. (It cracks me up to see his 89 year old grandmother downing vodkas with Coke.)

Steph

Yay, congrats Steph.  I'm glad to hear that.  

To everyone else...if it felt like pressure it would be easier to resist.  I just want to make her happy.  It seems like a comparatively small thing to do for her, considering everything she's done for me over the years.  But she's not making me feel guilty in the slightest and has always done everything out of love.  That's how I would see doing this for her.  And it's not like I vehemently don't want a wedding--I just don't see it as worth spending much of my own money on.  I'd feel that way even if I had more money. 

To everyone else...if it felt like pressure it would be easier to resist.  I just want to make her happy.  It seems like a comparatively small thing to do for her, considering everything she's done for me over the years.  But she's not making me feel guilty in the slightest and has always done everything out of love.  That's how I would see doing this for her.  And it's not like I vehemently don't want a wedding--I just don't see it as worth spending much of my own money on.  I'd feel that way even if I had more money. 

Know what you mean exactly.