She leaves in less than a month :(

My US girlfriend is leaving in less than a month. She will have been here for just under 6 months. As her visa is up she has to go back.

Before she came over here I went to the US to see her for 3 months on the visa waiver thing which was great, however he parents are not exactly thrilled about me since I took her daughter away from them. (she is 24) She still lives at home and her parents have made it pretty clear Im not able to come back and stay as long as I did before.


Ok, so lets get to the point, she cant come back to the country for another 6 months because of the 180 days rule and bacause ive been there for 90 days I can only go back for 3 months (if I can find somewhere to stay in MA)

The main question, what can we do to stay together? The obvious is to get married, which will happen one day, but we want to have a proper wedding where both parents can meet and everything is perfect (not marry just bacause)

Is the only option to marry?
We love each other massively and will get married, I just want everything to be perfect for her.


I hope someone can help, thanks in advance.

I think you first need to decide where you want to settle together.  In the US or in the UK?

 It sounds to me her parents aren't against your relationship but that they don't want you sleeping in their daughters bed under their roof, I don't know of many parents that do like this...mine didn't. Perhaps she can find herself a job & a place of her own in the US that way you can continue to visit frequently.

Other than marriage does she have any skills/education that would prevail itself to a Tier 1 or Tier 2 visa?

Does she want to continue her education? If so she can look into a Tier 4.

She was over here for a couple years studying but failed because of poor tutors. Her parents will want her to finish her degree at some stage but she plans to use her credits to build a partial degree and finish it off.

She doesnt have any skills that would get her a t1 or t2 job sadly and doesnt have the money or the wish to carry on with school over here as she doesnt want to rely on mum and dad.

We are both pretty set on living here as this is where my job is, ( im a photographer and starting to get fairly well known in my area)  we both agree that its easier to live here for the time being.


As for her parents, you are right, they didnt want me staying in the same bed when I was there for 3 months and that was fair enough, but they were ok with me staying in the same house. Although they treat her very much like a child and this has made 3 other guys she has been with run away. Im not easily put off though because I love her so much.
Her dad sent an email about how I was pretty disrectful as we had fallen asleep on the couch together and that I didnt call him by his first name. Plus the fact I had bought her a ticket to come back as a surprise and didnt tell them about it. (but then in my defense we had tried to goto a bunch of places together and they had stopped us each time and she wanted to come back with me)

Basically, they treat her pretty badly and its hard to actually see what they expect from her. It sounds like they just want her to stay at home, get a job in Home Depot and thats about it and not something that would make her happy. (all this from her words)

Im trying to find somewhere I can stay over in the US for a couple months but its not easy. I was thinking about going for another 3 months on the visa waiver and then coming back for a month or so then going back again for another 2 months until she can come back with me again. However im not sure if the IO will be too happy to have me keep coming back like this. The other thing is that she doesnt want to come back to the UK without the ability to at least make money and help out with bills and so on.


My current rather flexible plan is to go over there for 2.5 months, stay with a friend, maybe stay over with her parents, "Meet" them again and start from fresh. They now know how much she loves me so it might make a difference in wether they like me any more.


A lot of information and some of it is just venting so im sorry for the long post.

Not to burst your balloon at all, but you may struggle to spend more than three months in the States during a calender year.  The US is far stricter than the UK regarding immigration and I know my boyfriend and his mate had a hell of a time getting in earlier this year even with plenty of money and ties to Britain.  From what I've heard multiple short trips are fine, but they tend to majorly frown on more than three months per year.

As my dad always told me 'My House, My Rules'.

Honestly her parents don't sound unreasonable. To me it sounds like they just want their daughter to be self sufficient and stand on her own two feet without depending on anyone else..but at this time sounds like she's dependent on you while here and when she's in the US she's dependent on them.

Maybe a job at Home Depot is something you would look down on but it's a job and would provide her with the income to move out of her parents home and then be able to direct her own life without having to please her parents or follow their rules. 'Her home her rules'. Sometimes as adults we have to do things that we're not 'happy' about in order to reach the goals that we want in life.

Given what you have put it seems that her only option for a life in the UK, at this point, is marriage.

Best of luck to you...

However, You probably should have her stop working while she's here. She's not even allowed to model for you either. IIRC she's a part time model and has a history of doing this very thing?

Very bad to endanger any of your future in the UK this way. They're starting to crack down on visitors that violate their visas in this manner and it's very possible that even a settlement visa will end up with major problems because of this.

ETA: you need to be careful when in the US as a vistior unless you have the proper work visa as well as you may be refused entry into the US if they feel that you are working there without the necessary visa. You might want to leave your cameras at home.


2nd Edit to remove links as requested by OP.

Thanks for the info and a little scary stalking

Both instances of those shoots were personal and thus not a working photoshoot, no money would change hands and as far as im aware personal projects and testing things out are not counted as work. As for her working over here, she hasnt been. She has modelled over here before but then she was a student and had a work visa while she was here, however that was a while ago.

Im not looking down on the Hom Depot at all, I just say that because thats where she worked before coming out here. She worked there to gain enough funds to come back with me and have money to spend out here so it served its purpose. I really mean that her parents just expect her to stay in her home town with a job that doesnt make her happy and doesnt have any real progression.

Perhaps you could remove those links from your post as a courtesy though.

Work is work, paid, unpaid or volunteer. She cannot participate with you in any aspect of your work or any work of any other person while she is in the UK. It's part of the terms & conditions of being in the UK as a visitor.

I have removed the links as you requested.

Best of luck to you & your girlfriend.

In regards to getting married and not being able to do it how you want right away; my (now) husband and I didn't have the resources to have the wedding we wanted so we decided to get married in a small civil ceremony in the UK (I came over on a fiance visa) and now we are waiting a year to have a big celebration in the states the "proper" way.  This gives us time to plan, save, and celebrate they way we want for ourselves and our families, but we're still able to be together for the time being

In regards to getting married and not being able to do it how you want right away; my (now) husband and I didn't have the resources to have the wedding we wanted so we decided to get married in a small civil ceremony in the UK (I came over on a fiance visa) and now we are waiting a year to have a big celebration in the states the "proper" way.  This gives us time to plan, save, and celebrate they way we want for ourselves and our families, but we're still able to be together for the time being

I'd be interesting in finding out the basic costs of this if you are able to give me a rough idea. Maybe that and compared to marrying in the US.

I really don't know a lot about this (distant future for me and my boy  ) but I think you would have to go to another country to marry as I believe you aren't allowed to marry in the UK without a Marriage Visitor Visa or something like that.  I'm not entirely certain though so take that with a grain of salt.

Have her parents ever been to the UK?  I know my mom was much happier about me doing my MA over here when she saw how nice our house is (granted just through photos, but still) and also recognized that my boyfriend is a successful, sweet guy who just wants us to live a nice life together.  Some people will never be happy for you though, no matter what, and then you just have to figure the best way forward for you both.  Best to you both. 

Depending on how quickly you want to have her status resolved, since she's going to have to go back to get the proper visa anyway and being able to work is important to her you probably want to look at getting married in the US.


In most states you can apply for your marriage license & get married the same day (California & Nevada Spring to mind).You can find each states requirements for a license here: http://marriage.about.com/cs/marriagelicenses/a/usmarlaws.htm fees will vary from place to place but the above site is a good place to start.

Then she would apply for a spouse visa currently $1030 but that will go up in November. The visa is good for 27 months and she can work immediately upon arrival back in the UK on the spouse visa.


Marriage in the UK:

She would need a Fiance(e) visa currently $1030 and that will go up in November  with the Fiance(e) visa she can remain in the UK after marriage but would need to apply for a FLR(M) in order to stay longer than 6 months, she would also not be allowed to work until she had the FLR(M) and the ID card.

OR

A Marriage Visitor Visa - which is about $120ish and it is valid for 6 months, she would not be able to work and must get married in the UK during the 6 months of the visa and RETURN to the US in order to get her Spouse visa (currenly $1030).

So if you want to marry in the UK it will take 2 visas minimum and at least 1 trip back to the US to get the initial visa, in the case of the Marriage Visit visa it's 2 trips back to the US.

As far as the actual marriage in the UK you would need to contact your local Registry Office for information & cost on a UK marriage as there are notice & residence requirements before you can marry.

We went the Fiance Visa route and then FLR (M) that WebyJ mentioned.  It cost us £33.50 each to give notice and then £47 for the marriage and an extra marriage certificate.  We live in Bournemouth, but had to give notice in Winchester for some reason, I think because I'm an American.  But that was the route that ended up working best for us.  It still had/has substantial cost, especially both of the visas (we are paying priority for the FLR (M) so I can start looking for work as soon as possible and that costs roughly £735).

The best advice I have is really for her to get back, get work and get her own place. I worked a completely horrible job for 4 years, but it allowed me to save money, get self sufficient, support my bf and myself when he visited and eventually pay for the visa process to get him over when we decided to get married. It's not fun, but I can tell you the sacrifice was worth it because it helped us achieve our goal of being together.