An update, as well as what to do next..

Ugh. It frustrates me just to read this thread, and it frustrated me to read the other one you posted last year. I could never let my family or anyone else control me and would do anything I could to live my OWN life at 19 years old and make my own decisions. They would just have to deal with it and love me for who I am. My mom tries to force the religious crap down my throat all the time but I won't hear it anymore and will hang up the phone or walk away if she tries to go there. What I do and what I believe is none of her business. It doesn't mean I don't love or respect my family, because I do, but I won't let them make decisions for me or try to control me now that I am an adult. Period. I hope you can find a way to walk away and live your own life someday. You can't go on allowing your family to treat you like an insolent child. To be honest, if I was your boyfriend, I wouldn't really stick around in this situation for very long. You are an adult with a job and could find a roommate or something and get your own place and distance yourself from your family. Report your passport as stolen and replace it. Just because you owe your mom a bit of money doesn't give her the right to hold it over you and tell you what to do or when to see your boyfriend. It seems to me like you know what to do and just don't have the courage to do it.  Sorry to be harsh, but really, what sort of advice did you expect?

Jewlz, I appreciate your honesty, and no, it's not harsh. It's just the truth you are speaking out. You are right that I should be able to walk away and live my own life someday. My boyfriend has actually helped me grow up a bit and become a bit independent, (encouraging with my job search 'til I found one, getting a passport, standing up to my mother little by little, etc.) I know that I owe him a lot for standing by my side and for sticking with me.

Jewlz, I appreciate your honesty, and no, it's not harsh. It's just the truth you are speaking out. You are right that I should be able to walk away and live my own life someday. My boyfriend has actually helped me grow up a bit and become a bit independent, (encouraging with my job search 'til I found one, getting a passport, standing up to my mother little by little, etc.) I know that I owe him a lot for standing by my side and for sticking with me.

No, I really was being pretty harsh. I'm sorry about that. I kind of lost my grip there. I just hate to see someone being picked on by other people and not standing up for themselves.  Makes me want to phone your mom and tell her what's what... lol. I really hope you continue to gain more independence. Good luck.

Jewlz, I appreciate your honesty, and no, it's not harsh. It's just the truth you are speaking out. You are right that I should be able to walk away and live my own life someday. My boyfriend has actually helped me grow up a bit and become a bit independent, (encouraging with my job search 'til I found one, getting a passport, standing up to my mother little by little, etc.) I know that I owe him a lot for standing by my side and for sticking with me.

Isn't it amazing how just a little bit of help can make such a difference? When DH and I were dating he would watch my sister and I interact (not...uh, the healthiest relationship ever) and once, out of the blue, he said "you know, you really shouldn't let her talk to you like that".  Next time she started ranting at me I blurted out "DH says you shouldn't talk to me that way and I agree!" Shocked her right down to her snide little toes.
Do what you can to keep relationships positive but, yeah, start looking for a way out.

It's ok Jewlz and thanks Jennie.
I have a bit of an update. I now have my passport back now (my mother has decided to give it back to me) and I was quite surprised. The reason she gave it back was because I was helping her so much lately (with the cat, helping with food, etc.) and I believe she is starting to try to show at least a little interest. She did ask about my uncle and how well that was going (she knows that communication has been pretty much broken between us), and when I talked about my boyfriend she did not do the usual (roll her eyes or make a rude comment). I was thinking either she is starting to turn around, or she is just trying to get me on her good side again. I am still weary about her though, and on guard.

dude,leave!

the situation you're in is totally unhealthy!

Get that passport, and yourself, out of that house.  Do you have a friend who could hold the passport, just in case your mom changes her mind?

Get that passport, and yourself, out of that house.  Do you have a friend who could hold the passport, just in case your mom changes her mind?

Please do this.

I'm glad you got your passport back.  Best of luck to you!

Yeah, I know whatever you decide to do isn't going to be easy, but for one thing for sure, please get your passport away from your mom's grip now that you have it back. Best of luck to you!

Agree with the others... if you can't bring yourself to leave now, then at least hide your passport somewhere any member of your family would never find it (at a friend's house would be preferable). Best of luck in whatever you do. 

I have my passport safely tucked away where my mother cannot find it. It seems like things are looking up a little. I have gotten back into communicating with my uncle again and there is a little less tension within the household. It really helps that I have all of your advice and support, plus support from my boyfriend and friend who is also also in a similar situation (as regards to a distance relationship.) I thank all of you for your advice. 

Phantomrose, I am not going to beat a dead horse here.  You know what you should do for yourself and I'm hopeful that one day VERY SOON you will get there.  We can give you all the advice in the world but until you are ready, things just won't change.  Change occurs when you change.  It is your choice to either sit and hope others do or YOU CAN make the change.  Most of us here have probably changed many times.  Long distance relationships demand you be flexible and open to change.  I, myself, have reinvented more than Madonna!

My mother was so against my relationship with my boyfriend now husband.  She was so against it that she bad mouthed me to my whole family and I've been banished since last July.  People that I loved and was loyal to my whole life from my mother, younger brothers (who I helped raise), a very young step dad I accepted and a grandfather that raised me like a father have all disowned me over my choice, my decision.  It is sad and more times than sad, infuriating.  BUT, in the end, this is my choice, my life to live.  I am happier than I've ever been in my whole 40 years and no one can change that for me.  If I had listened to my mom (who I spent my whole life pleasing by the way), I would still be in a one sided, very selfish marriage (she loves him ... so much so she took me out of the will and put him in recently), living in NY which I hated for 5 years and let pass by the most amazing person I have ever met in my life.

My point is this:  it was terrifying to leave a marriage that was failing for over a year (because even bad it's still familiar) before I met my now husband.  I lost everything in my divorce including my family (except my dad, his wife and older brother) and had to start from scratch all while conducting long distance, fighting immigration and spending all my savings to do it all - BUT I'm happier than ever before and I wouldn't change it in a minute.

This is your life, girl.  Yours alone.  Your choices are yours to make, your mistakes are yours to make.  People can care and worry but they can support you as well.  If they don't, then you need to stand strong and live for you, not them. 

Be strong, Phantomrose.  It can be scary and even dark sometimes but I promise you there is absolute beauty in the struggle!

Good luck!