After school activitites? A foreign concept?

BF has 13yo daughter. Let's face it ladies, 13 was not fun! Although extremely bright she is SUPER shy.  So she has her challenges now: smartest kid in the class, not many friends and puberty. Bad trifecta.

In an attempt to help I keep suggesting for BF to find after school activities for her to get involved with - where she can meet other kids with similar interests. He insists that things like that don't exist. I did a little searching and found some. It's Nottingham area, so not a ton, but some.

I'm hoping for opinions though. Are after school activities (through school or not) nearly as prevalent as US? Anyone have any similar experiences?

Thanks in advance!

this is a really tough age in the UK -  once they hit 13-14, there is essentially nothing for them. 

There is, however, Girl Guides.  I was a leader in the UK for this age group.  It doesn't select for a certain mindset, like it does in the US and Canada, but it does give the girls something to do and if it's a good group, then a good social outlet.  There are a lot of projects she could sink her teeth into if she's self motivated. 

Also, she could start working on her Duke of Ediburgh award which might be through her school. 

What about dance?  Most girls in our community were totally into dance.  We also had a few community theatre groups that my daughter was involved with.  And girls' football; some clubs have girls' programmes because enhanced funding is contingent on attracting girls. 

Look at the local public library.  In our council, there was a whole list of stuff that was advertised there. 

Good luck!  It's hard once they hit that age. 

My niece, who is 10, is into horseback riding.  She used to take dance classes. She stopped going, but I know when she went there were older girls taking classes as well. I've also seen posters advertising martial arts classes for kids - I don't know what the sex ratios in the classes are.

Mrs. Pink, I was a Brownie and a Girl Scout. I don't know what you mean about "selecting for a certain mindset" in the US and Canada. When I went, it was open to any girl.

Mrs. Pink, I was a Brownie and a Girl Scout. I don't know what you mean about "selecting for a certain mindset" in the US and Canada. When I went, it was open to any girl.

Yes, it's open to everyone but generally speaking, and speaking only from my own experience as a leader, is that the girls and families who are in Girl Guides and Girl Scouts tend to be of similar mindsets - this does not in any way reflect socioeconomic situations.  Also, once the kids hit a certain age, such as 13 and up, it tends to not be 'cool' anymore and there is a definite split in mindsets at that stage.  It is self selecting, not imposed by the organizations.  I did not mean to imply otherwise at all and I'm sorry if it came across as such.

I have been a leader in Girl Guides in Canada and the UK and in Girl Scouts in the US -  I've seen the programme promote the self esteem of so many girls.  It's a fabulous organization.     

Yes, it's open to everyone but generally speaking, and speaking only from my own experience as a leader, is that the girls and families who are in Girl Guides and Girl Scouts tend to be of similar mindsets - this does not in any way reflect socioeconomic situations.  Also, once the kids hit a certain age, such as 13 and up, it tends to not be 'cool' anymore and there is a definite split in mindsets at that stage.  It is self selecting, not imposed by the organizations.  I did not mean to imply otherwise at all and I'm sorry if it came across as such.

I have been a leader in Girl Guides in Canada and the UK and in Girl Scouts in the US -  I've seen the programme promote the self esteem of so many girls.  It's a fabulous organization.     

I was a brownie then a girl guide until I was 13, then I discovered boys and drinking.... so I would agree with MrsPink here that it's very self selecting, when I was at school girls of 13 ran the gamut from very innocent to much more mature and things like girl guides where highly correlated to which end of the spectrum you were on.
In the same way a lot of girls did ballet and pony riding before this age, but those activities either got serious (more equestrian and professional dancing) or they became uncool and stopped.

I think girl guides is a wonderful program and I really enjoyed it, but felt a lot of pressure from my friends to do more mature things so it's one of those things I left behind, like my clarinet

I would second the idea of the Duke of Edinburgh award, that;s a great way of meeting people and you get to do lots of interesting things.

Is it worth actually asking her what she wants to do, you may be surprised, like she may have a secret passion for surfing, rock climbing, horse riding, playing guitar, skateboarding, cheese making or whatever, and it would be much better if she could pick an activity she's interested in.


 

Great info everyone. It's truly appreciated. Especially the DofE programme.

Is it worth actually asking her what she wants to do, you may be surprised, like she may have a secret passion for surfing, rock climbing, horse riding, playing guitar, skateboarding, cheese making or whatever, and it would be much better if she could pick an activity she's interested in.
 

Great idea. Funny enough, I had that conversation (for the first not last time!) with her when last over. But need to continue it and encourage whatever she may want to try, and also remember how much I changed my mind as a 13 year old! 

DD is 6 and her school just started offering an after school craft program, which she is involved in.  It only last 6 weeks and it's only one day a week.  Granted, her school is understaffed and small.  They do have an after school "babysitting" scheme for those who work and need help. 

There are a lot of activities for kids at our local sports center...though most of those aren't specifically after school...more in the evenings and weekend and more geared towards sports.

If we expanded into town near us, there are a lot of activities available in the evenings for kids...swimming, ballet/dance, karate...pretty much anything you could think of.  And it's a pretty small town.  I guess it's mostly down to your specific area and how far you are able to travel. 

When I was 13/14 (in the UK), I remember doing lots of after school things - I went to ballet/modern dance classes 2-3 nights a week (both at school in the evening and at a separate dance school), I went to Scottish Country/Highland Dance classes on Saturday mornings, I was in the Girl Guides (although I gave up going at 13) and I started Duke of Edinburgh when I was 14 (Year 10). I also had a morning paper round from age 13-15, so I spent 6 mornings a week delivering papers to local houses.

I was a brownie then a girl guide until I was 13, then I discovered boys and drinking

OK. I agree with this. I quit Girl Scouts when I started Junior High School (age 12), not so much because of boys or drinking, but because I was more focused on my school work and planning for a career and being in Junior High School made me feel like I should be doing more grownup things.

I know someone who was very involved in Boy Scouts and stayed with them through High School. He eventually joined the Coast Guard. It's just my prejudice, but seeing an older teenager (almost adult) in a boy scout or girl scout/guide uniform does seem kind of weird to me.

I guess fourteen is kind of borderline.

Cheesebiscuit said what I wanted to say - ask her what she wants to do. The worst thing would be to push her into doing something that she doesn't like.

Also -has she said that she wants to join activities and spend more time with other children? Maybe she is happy how she is.  As an introverted person, I have to ask if you are confusing being shy with being introverted.  Shy is being wanting to be around other people but being afraid of being rejected. Introverted is being comfortable around other people but being happy and content by yourself and needing time by yourself to relax and recharge your energy.  Maybe after spending a day in school around teachers and other kids, she is mentally tired out and needs some "alone time" .

I would definitely look for a particular hobby or interest rather than age group.  There are a lot of sports teams and etc around here, and I see a lot of teenagers going to and fro, so I assume they're all welcome!
I second the checking to make sure she's interested thing. At that age, the last thing I wanted was more time with people my own age.  I was mostly into horses and reading, neither of which really meant that I would necessarily run into people my own age, which was a bonus as far as I was concerned.

Another one that hasn't been mentioned is something like joining the Air Cadets.  It wouldn't have been my thing, but I know several teenagers who absolutely love being in the Cadets.  They are around 13.

I've also known lots of kids that did music groups, lessons (more my kind of thing), dance classes, sports, etc.  There were a few connected to the schools themselves, but I think a lot of them are separate here.