Just feeling lonely and rambling about it...

Some days, the distance is bearable, if only just. Some days, it's flat-out impossible.

I just need to vent/ramble/feel sorry for myself a little bit to folks who'll understand. All of my friends are kind enough to listen, but they don't really get it. They seem to be annoyed -- well, maybe that's too harsh a word; confused, maybe? -- that I can't just be grateful I've found this really, genuinely amazing guy who makes me happy beyond measure. Like I have to find something to complain about. Being told how great he is doesn't exactly ease the pain of a 5,000+ mile gap. I don't blame them for not really understanding or for not knowing how to respond or how to comfort me. I have no idea, either, short of magicking me into a visa and across the ocean. 

Of course, I talk to him about it when it gets really unmanageable, and he does the same. But then at some point, he has to go to sleep, and it's the middle of the afternoon here, and I'm sitting at home trying to distract myself from feeling lonely and impatient. Neither of us can afford a trip to see each other until this summer, so I have six months before I even see him....

Anyway, tonight's just one of those nights. A stressful week, with not much time to speak over the last few days makes for a bit of a miserable Friday night. I know there's really no answer other than to hang in there, and this will pass just as the other times have. But I just needed to get that out before I lost my mind. Thanks so much for listening. I'm sorry to be so... blah. I'm going to go relisten to old voicemails now.

Hi there! I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I know exactly how you feel. I have been in an ldr for almost 2 years and being apart never gets easy. Like you, I won't be able to see him until summer because of money issues. I'm sure you've heard this many times, but the best thing to do is keep busy. It makes time fly!!! Also, what makes things a little less difficult for me is to start planning for summer. My bf and I have already begun planning and it makes it feel like summer is just around the corner. Stay strong! You'll be back in his arms soon! 

The distance is hard. And it is even harder when you want to talk to your friends and they aren't exactly too sympathetic. It isn't that they are trying to upset you it is that they have no clue what you are going through...It is hard when you won't see each other for 6 months.. But there are fun things you can do. I am sure you skype..if you don't skype you should both look into it. And maybe set up a date day or night depending on what time of day you are on.. and when you are on that time just talk and have fun like you are on a date. Skype did help with the distance a little, getting to see my now husband on camera. Think of the positives. It is the most amazing thing in the world to see them arrive at the airport and the time you will have when you are together. Somedays it feels like the time is just dragging. But I agree with bluepanda..try and do stuff to keep yourself busy. Do things with your friends. Don't take being at home for granted. Because someday when you and your bf are living together and you could possibly be in another country you won't be able to just hang out with your friends. So enjoy it now. Someday when the two of you are together and don't have to be separated anymore you won't even remember what it was like to be apart. What I used to do when my husband was asleep in the UK and I was awake.. I would send him an email anytime during the day just talking to him like he was here with me..and then I would send him cards or handwrite letters and he would write back. It was just the little things. In his letters he would include clips from magazines and the paper of things we talked about or he thought was interesting and I would do the same. It was nice having something from him that he wrote and sent me.
I hope you start feeling better.

Thanks so much for listening and responding. We do rely heavily on skype This has just been a long, hectic week for us both, and our schedules didn't mesh well. Usually, I can handle short periods like that, because we'll find our way back to more time to be together soon. Just something about last night really hit me hard. I had a paper to write and am fairly broke, so I hadn't gone out, and was sitting at home trying to focus on the paper instead of how down I was, but just needed to get it out so I could move on.

I'm feeling better today. We've exchanged a few texts, and actually have a date scheduled in an hour

What I used to do when my husband was asleep in the UK and I was awake.. I would send him an email anytime during the day just talking to him like he was here with me..

I love emailing him while he's sleeping with the various things that pop into my head that I can't share with him immediately, and that probably wouldn't really be relevant enough to mention when he wakes, so I totally know what you mean. Often times, it'll turn into a long treatise on really meaningless little things, like chicken being on sale at my neighbourhood store or something. It makes him laugh, and I still feel a connection. Sometimes I'll email him about things I'm feeling, but when it comes to aching over the separation, I feel bad doing much more than having a quick conversation about it. He feels it just as keenly as I do, so to put it in writing and brood over it just reinforces it, and makes him feel the need to find a solution where there isn't one yet. Since that's where my head was at last night, I was staying away from the email route

Also, what makes things a little less difficult for me is to start planning for summer. My bf and I have already begun planning and it makes it feel like summer is just around the corner.

That's a good point. Things about the trip are rather nebulous right now; we haven't even nailed down exact dates quite yet. I know things I want to take him to do, like a day trip to the Grand Canyon and showing him the places I spend my time (he's never been here before, so I have a very long itinerary ), but I think you're absolutely right; it would help to solidify those plans. I've been called a flexible control freak: I have to have structure and know exactly what's supposed to happen, but I always end up being spontaneous in the end and rarely stick to a schedule So, even though I know the timing may change, it would help a ton to know what we'll do, when and where.

Anyway, thanks again for listening to me. I really am feeling better in the light of day. That hopeless feeling doesn't last long and strikes me rarely, but it hit with a force last night, and it really helped to have a place to put it where others understood exactly what it felt like. <3