Thoughts on un-repatriating, and when living in the UK is miserable.

I think it's really important to remember that there is no such thing as a perfect place: if there were, then it would be horribly crowded because everyone would want to live there.

amen to that. and i know a lot of people are in my position, where both adore and despise things about BOTH places, so having to make such a huge decision in choosing one over the other can feel really internally dividing!

I agree. My Brit DH and I always say how great it would be if you could combine the best of both the US and UK. Like a little island out in the middle of the Atlantic somewhere. If that were possible, it would be very overcrowded. 

Its kind of like my DH said to me way back when I first moved to the UK and I became pretty disillusioned about my move, he said,  "once you have lived abroad, you are never the same, you will have a completely different perspective on things" and I remember thinking "Ha....whatever".    Now I understand what he meant and now that he has lived in the US, he understands and sees things differently as well.

Its kind of a blessing and a curse to have had the opportunity to live in another country because some folks do feel caught between the two and can never seem to fully reconcile themselves to just one country.

I don't think we will ever reconcile to being in one or the other or a third yet unknown nation.    I was raised a tumble weed and a tumble weed I shall stay I think. 

That said I love love love love love where we live in Virginia... but only because a lot of the important things we like in the UK are here.  We live in a city and county committed to local produce, farmers, green ways, parks and commuteabliltiy. I look out my back yard or my bedroom window and I see mountains and glorious color. 

 I think it's a matter of finding the right fit for you no matter where you are.  I hated living in the box store southern 'burbs of Atlanta.  You couldn't pay me to move back.  If we went back to the UK I would go to Devon or Cornwall or maybe even Dorset.  I'd never live in London or the surrounding area.  (Well okay yes, if it was a village, and I never had to drive into London or commute for hours on end.) 

I highly recommend making a list of what it is you want out of life and what type of area you want to live in and going and living in a place that makes you content.  Sure it will never be perfect but you can at least strive for pretty darn good.    I honestly go with my gut.  If I can sit someplace and really feel a sense of peace... that is all I need.

I do very much miss the sea though. 

Fantastic post. Really got me to think why am I really so un-happy here. Although I have my reasons and I still want to go home and prefer it there than here. I am not young but I liked the idea of wanting the ability to see another country and how things are outside the U.S.

What I wasn't prepared for were my expectations. I do not think they are out of sink but moving here and seeing with wide open eye balls WOW. Wow in not such a good way for me. The charm has worn off and so are the rose colored glasses I wore when I arrived. Reality set in.

I had my own business that I loved and gave up to come here. After 8 months I finally found a job, nothing great but it gets me out of the house. The horrible treatment of employees and the supervisors expectations of you and horrible pay slapped me in the face hard. Even my husband gets treated horrible with great disrespect for each other.

It's not even about the low pay it is more about why on earth do they feel the need to treat you like you are a rodent. I see that everywhere here.

Labor laws? They exist but no one implements them. Expected to work 48 hours a week for low wages. We may have worked 50 hours a week in the U.S. but you got paid over-time and double time on holidays. If not you reported them and something got done about it.

The materialistic side I accepted, and I am ok with the downsizing part and can actually laugh about it now. But two-faced behavior here is something I am so not used to at all. Where I came from people told you like it was. Here you have no idea where you stand with anyone. Nice to your face but look out.

The typical complaint I am sure is always the weather. Which won't ruin your life but it takes a hold of you enough to affect your mood and the ability to really enjoy being outside without it always being muddy, rainy well you know the rest.

The constant rudeness when ever you call your bank or anything that has to deal with customer service. I am appalled really. Not to mention they charge you for the call on top of being extremely rude and un helpful most of the time. That one is tough for me to just accept. You do not need to be so rude or disrespectful towards people do you?

I agree where the U.S. is very materialistic and friendships are on the surface at best. But here I have found it very difficult to make friends because you are an immigrant afterall. I have made a few and good ones. It took some hard work on my part though.

I have dealt with the NHS and I laughed when one commented to the fact they tell you like a script in a movie, take Paracetamol and go home. That is their cure for anything here it appears. I had my tooth surgically removed without anything for the pain. I feel like when I go to the NHS it is no different then seeing my vet in the states. I'll happily pay extra for proper Health Care in the U.S. even though when I lived in the U.S. I whined about the cost and now have learned you get what you pay for.

I guess it really boils down to what you can deal with and what to you is more important. I will never fit in here and with all the screaming about immigrants stealing British jobs just makes me want to go home even more. (yeah I know they do it there too) Its tough, really tough to figure out what is the right thing and proper thing to do for yourselves.

I sincerely respect this post. I will keep considering everything said here to make sure I am not missing more important issues. I have been here now a year and even though it is a bit better than when I first arrived its not by much. Maybe this takes more time or maybe it never will for me. I still have my plan B, just not sure when i will use it and that is go straight home and start over.

I TOTALLY agree with your fine post and appreciate with respect. Obviously, you and I have a few problems that are mutual.

Bump.

Wow. I know this is fairly old but I thought this is a fantastic thread.

It's over a year old.

It's over a year old.

Yes but the issues adressed are still very relevant

...but the truth is that if we have another baby we'll be having it here in the US, my opinion about that hasn't changed.

And yet, you had the third baby over here (UK)! 

Maybe your opinion changed? 

And yet, you had the third baby over here (UK)! 

Maybe your opinion changed? 

When I first saw this thread my heart sank a little and I thought "Oh, no - don't tell me she's unhappy!"  Then I saw it was an old thread.  Goes to show you how things change, eh? 

When I first saw this thread my heart sank a little and I thought "Oh, no - don't tell me she's unhappy!"  Then I saw it was an old thread.  Goes to show you how things change, eh? 

THIS!

Shows you how long it has been since I've been able to spend time on uky - what a blast from the past this post was! Still relevant...  I've been unrepatriated for nearly a year now - so so happy over here in the UK! If only my 3rd little boy would sleep through the night (8 months now... urgh...) I might be able to pull some thoughts together about it all!!