Ok, sorry this is going to be a complicated post, I just feel like I need some advice on what to do.
The back story is that we've been together for about 7 years, and living together in the US for 5. Fingers crossed I will be finishing my phd next May, and then we'll travel for 3 months in Asia, and then move to the UK. We are definitely ready to be married, and have been for two or three years now. But we haven't been ready for the wedding for various reasons: never knowing when I would be finishing my phd/writing up my thesis; money; not wanting to deal with the stress of a transatlantic wedding (or any wedding for that matter). But now that I'll be graduating next May, I can finally imagine us being able and ready to do this. We would probably have a smallish wedding - invite 100 and expect 50 or so to come.
But there are so many things to consider. Here are my pros and cons:
Pros:
-We're ready to get married!
-Boston is a really special place for us. It's where we met and have lived together for the past 5 years.
-Many of my family and friends haven't visited me out here (only a handful have). It would be nice to introduce them to my "world" here.
-Seems like a great way to say goodbye to our lives in Boston and begin this new chapter of our lives in the UK
-My family/friends will be more willing to travel to the US than boyfriend's would to the UK. I can imagine only boyfriend's immediate family and maybe one or two friends would be able to travel to the UK if we had it there, making it a lopsided wedding.
-If we don't do it now, when will we do it? When we move over to the UK, it's going to take us a while to find jobs and get on our feet, and then we'll start thinking about our goal of buying a house and having kids. It just doesn't seem like there will ever be a perfect time.
Cons:
-Boyfriend may lose ILE eligibility - if it still exists then (complicated and not clear, but see my post here:
http://talk.uk-yankee.com/index.php?topic=70817.0)
-We may have to make it a "commitment ceremony" rather than a legal wedding for the above reason.
-It may be asking for trouble to deal with writing up a thesis, planning a wedding, doing a visa application and planning our post-Boston traveling trip all at once.
-Some of my family and friends won't be able to make it. I know that's the same if we did it in the UK, but I think our strongest ties are skewed over to the UK a bit. Although most of our current life is obviously here in Boston.
-I think it might be cheaper to have a wedding in the UK than in Boston.
So what should we do, have it here in May, or wait until we move to the UK? My heart tells me we should just go ahead and do it here. But logically, there are good reasons for waiting until we move...
