Advice!

So, we're getting married next month.  Very small registry wedding (we got the smallest room, just some members of our families with a dinner afterwards.   We have to have a larger family wedding in New York next year (3/4 of my brothers can't make this one!) so this one (while significant to us) is also to help facilitate the visa process.

The next day, however, we wanted to do drinks at a local pub with our larger group of friends, sort of as "hey, we got married, come hang out with us for a little bit if you don't have plans".  Very  low key - I'm going to sort out some wine and nibbles, although depending on when people show up, I don't know if there will be any left.  Truth be told, I'm trying to avoid an open bar tab for the whole time simply because a) I am going to be made redundant and we're trying to keep tabs on money and b) man, I know some big drinkers, and even if I had a job, that bar tab would be massive.    How do I indicate when telling people that while there will be some drinks/food, it won't be an open bar affair?  I don't want to seem cheap, but we're saving that sort of formal reception for New York.  (which the same people would be invited to if they felt like taking the flight). 

Thoughts? 

I would never expect that sort of thing in a pub to have the tab paid. If you mention that there will be SOME drinks and nibbles available, I think people would assume that you're not paying for everyone's tab and a huge meal. That would certainly be my expectation anyway.

i agree with drsuper on that one.......i would simply say that soda, hot tea, coffee, and nibbles will be available......at my wedding reception i put byob.....no one seem to mind at all

I was actually quite thrown when my DH told me people pay for their own drinks at the receptions.  I'm extremely used to the US "we pay for everyone, for everything" and needed several people to explain it to me that it was alright, that this was the norm in our town.

So basically we made sure they had nibbles and they bought their own drinks.

Put a set amount behind the bar and when it's gone, it's gone!  Also just keep any eye out for any latecomers and make sure they get their first drink on you whether or not the money's usedup.

Not all US weddings are open bar.  I used to work in events and have seen many weddings that had cash bars. Conversely, DH and I just recently attended a reception in the UK that had a free bar.  It's a case-by-case thing in both countries, I think.

Yeah, 90% of the time it's been open bar in the weddings I've been to in the US, but I haven't attended one year yet, so I wasn't sure.

Anyway, thank you for all the advice!  I'm going to figure out how to structure the invite (which is by e-mail, cause again, casual!)

We recently went to a retirement/birthday party (FIL's) where the host and hostess paid for the first round of drinks.  The invitation said something like "Come join us for a drink and a snack".  It ended up being A LOT nicer than I expected.  They rented out a social club (football) for £60 for the night so it was only our party there (about 40 people).  That included the DJ who played music and took requests until midnight.  Because it was a social club, the drink prices were MUCH cheaper. No one minded paying for their own drinks.

I'm considering doing the same for my upcoming 40th birthday (since I've never had a birthday party. EVER).  Sandwiches, mini sausages, crisps, cakes, cookies, and pizza were catered.. but I think I would do that on my own as this was only mediocre.

I agree that Brits would never expect an open bar. It's definitely a US thing. It's up to you if you want to provide free drinks, but don't feel like you have to!

Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!

The idea of buying the first round is a very nice one if you can afford it and would like to do it.  But don't agonize if you can't. 

Oh forgot to mention. Even though it was a cash bar, I made sure that one of my friends never needed to pay.  She and her husband were the only people on my side since none of my family has the means to get over here.  I was so thrilled, that I made sure my husband understood I was paying for their pre-reception dinner and any drinks at the reception.  So if there is anyone you want to take care of in that fashion, thats an option as well.

Thank you!  We are very excited.  Truth be told, I would not plan the NY wedding but so many of my family and friends wouldn't be able to attend this one, it's sort of a non-negotiable.    And goodness, so expensive. 

We just got the wedding bands yesterday!