ways to help a child deal with fear?

Sadly, my two boys had the horrific experience of watching the neighbor's house burn down after it got struck by lightning. My 8-year-old seems OK now, but my 5-year-old has really been affected.

Unfortunately, we live in an area where lightning storms are quite common, and last night's lightning show was particularly bad for him. I know that many people here have lived in areas with natural disasters - so, I'm wondering if anyone has suggestions of how to help a child deal with this sort of fear?

I should add that my boys are incredibly articulate and able to understand/deal with many complicated situations. I do not want to shelter them from reality or tell them 'everything is always going to be fine.' 

Has anyone had to deal with this?

Well- I haven't had to deal with exact situation with my kids, however I know I always feel better when I plan for situations ahead of time.  Maybe setting up a fire safety plan with your boys "just in case" will put your 5 yr old at ease. Make posters, do fire drills, practice till you have these things down as a family.  This way, your boys can feel more in control if something did happen. Maybe a trip to the fire station so he can learn how fast the fire fighters respond, and learn some more safety tips (plus boys love playing on the engines) 

  My 8 yr old seems to get fearful easily, and when we plan things or if I show him myself he seems to lighten up. Hope things go well! Good luck!

I haven't dealt with it, but I'd definitely talk to his school about it and see if perhaps there is someone there he can talk to, perhaps reassurance from as many trusted adults as possible will help?

I haven't dealt with it, but I'd definitely talk to his school about it and see if perhaps there is someone there he can talk to, perhaps reassurance from as many trusted adults as possible will help?

GPs are also good for referrals of this sort.

When my nephew was two, his house burned down.  When he was 7, the library at his school burned down.  All the adults around him told him that "this was a freak accident.  It never happens."  Until, the school counselor said how dumb that was because this boy had it happen to him TWICE.  He does remember the fire when he was two - he barely escaped unscathed, another 15 seconds and he would not have made it out; and it was him who alerted his parents to the fire. 

Once they all acknowledged that fire does happen and happen to him, he was able to talk about it openly and the adults around him were able to reassure him.  The most important thing is that he felt comfortable enough to talk about it and eventually, he stopped being so anxious about it.

Another thing I thought of with lightening is that when it happens, have them count 'elephants' from the flash to the bang.  That way they can tell how far/close the storm is.  Do you get a lot of flash/bangs at the same time? 

OMG, S, how scary for all of you! We have had some crazy bad lightening here lately and it must be stressful for all of you. 

Thanks for all the suggestions!

Maybe setting up a fire safety plan with your boys "just in case" will put your 5 yr old at ease.

That's a great idea. Thanks!

When my nephew was two, his house burned down.  When he was 7, the library at his school burned down. 

OMG!     That is so horrific. Poor boy!

When my mother was a young child she was watching a lightning storm through her bedroom window and a huge flash hit the house so close she felt it (no fire fortunately) and she was deathly frightened by thunder storms all her life. Her way of coping was to retreat to a pantry or bedroom and draw the curtains until it was over. I remember as a child we would go into the little pantry off the dining room and play games or draw pictures, etc. She never transferred her fear to me; I just thought it was a fun thing to do.
So, maybe if you planned special things to do with your little one it would help distract him.