Moving to a new country

What is the hardest part of moving to a new country?

Is is adjusting to a new place? Preparing for the move and all the paperwork/details? I am interested in finding out what is the toughest for people and why they make the decision anyways. All opinions are good ones!

I moved here to be with my fiance whom I married in 2009. Some days, it's ok and I can get on with things at hand. Some days, I go into a deep funk, and cry and if I had enough money, would go back to the States in a heartbeat. Some days, it's hardwork just to get out of bed and all I want to do is stay in our house and never come out again. It's different for everyone. I have a job, I'm learning how to drive, I love my DH. I think I'm the only one, though. From posts I've read, others have adjusted and settled in pretty well. :\

I moved here to be with my fiance whom I married in 2009. Some days, it's ok and I can get on with things at hand. Some days, I go into a deep funk, and cry and if I had enough money, would go back to the States in a heartbeat. Some days, it's hardwork just to get out of bed and all I want to do is stay in our house and never come out again. It's different for everyone. I have a job, I'm learning how to drive, I love my DH. I think I'm the only one, though. From posts I've read, others have adjusted and settled in pretty well. :\

Abbygirl your not the only one who feels that way trust me   when I moved to the UK in July 2004 to be my Fiance now husband.   my first 2 years I hated it an wanted to go home just about everyday but would change my mind by the end of the day an this went on for nearly 2 years. now 7 years on I now & then have a day like that when I feel really homesick an just want to pack everything in an just move back home but it passes. you have more going for you than I do I dont work & I dont know how to drive here so in my book your way ahead of me.  

As mentioned, DW also had a hard time the first 2 years. The first year I would often hear her crying because she felt everything was such a struggle. The big thing I think for her was finally getting a job after a year, a chance for her to meet people and forge friendships away from me, which made her less reliant on me.
I also thought driving would help, but having managed to pass on her 3rd attempt she hates driving here and is scared to drive....she will on motorway journeys but most of the time she won't....she'd rather take the train when she's working on a Sat even though she could have use of the car.
Now though she doesn't really envisage wanting to move back to the US.

So things do change, and as seems to be the case with many people, 2-3 years is the point when people are finally getting settled.

I think it just all depends. I settled quickly, I didn't find the move too hard at all. Got thrown into the deep end and it was great fun. 
 
But things I did/do find really tough:

1.)Becoming quite ill and having to navigate A&E and GPs and referals and hospital trips all by myself, which was very tough as I was feeling so poorly and weak and tired and in so much pain...

2.) Buying a car without any credit history, had to save up and pay cash.  So I didn't have that cash for other things ,like paying off school loans, debt, etc. 

3.) Not qualifying for a mortgage because I don't have ILR, so I have to rent.  I HATE renting, the longer I do it, the more I hate it. (I do like my current flat and landlord at least, so I can last  a few more years until I get it!)

I'm making the move in September.  I have no idea how I will feel when I'm actually there of course, but right now I'm extremely excited, but also nervous about being so dependent on my df and about money.  Paying for a wedding and a house and moving to another country at the same time is daunting!

Even though I'd been coming over for visits for over a decade, the first couple of years were tough.

Everything -- absolutely EVERYthing -- is a learning experience for a while.

When I speak, strangers start and turn to look at me. Not entirely a bad thing -- it can be an easy icebreaker if you want to strike up a conversation -- but, you know, it's a daily reminder I'm a stranger in a strange land. I'll never lose this accent, either.

I hate, hate, HATE driving here. We live out in the country, the roads are narrow and twisty with no shoulders, oncoming traffic on one side, a lethal dropoff into a drainage ditch on the other, and people go flying up and down at unsafe speeds. Huge articulated lorries from the Continent halfway in my lane. Brrrrr.

I'm not picking up enough work to pay my way, so I'm dependent financially. I feel like a kid, and not in a good way.

I don't even let myself think about home. I have no family ties to the place I lived for the last thirty years, so I'll almost certainly never see it again.

BUT. I still regard this move as absolutely the right thing to have done. I knew all along that the first few years would be rough (I'm two and a half years in) and it gets easier by the day. We live in a beautiful place and people have been wonderful to me.

I'm going to complain? No, I'm not.

The logistics of moving can be quite daunting, but there's a finish-line.  At some point you will have moved, even if some stuff is in storage and realize you have too much or not enough furniture - that stuff all gets sorted eventually, at least enough that you can go on with life.

The culture shock of actually moving has no set end. If you have a rough time of it (and most of us do at one point or another) there's no real way of knowing when things will get better. You either have to trust that they will and stay or recognize that they won't and leave*.  There's no prize for staying and no shame in leaving - the only end factor is to pursue your best chance of happiness. 

Both aspects have their downsides, and both do end, but I find a really frustrating situation with a known end-date is easier than a somewhat frustrating situation with no clear end in sight. As with most things, YMMV  Good luck


* this assumes that you have the freedom to make that particular choice. Some people don't and that's heartbreaking.

The hardest parts so far...

1. The wait during the visa process. Ugh.
2. The day I said goodbye to my family and boarded the plane with my one-way ticket... and 4 suitcases... and terrified dog...
3. Having to rely on others or your own timely research to get answers to things you would normally know in the states. The reason it's frustrating is because this seems to range from serious topics to even the silliest... Like, "What does that giant red "L" sticker mean on the back of that car?" You sometimes can't avoid looking like a moron.
4. Understanding the reality that life and friends back in the states continue to go on without you...and eventually, you feel disconnected. I can't tell you how many people told me they would visit me as soon as possible, but buying a plane ticket to see someone you last saw almost a year ago is not usually number one priority for them (and I totally understand that). Even though you may be the one to be moving on, you may often feel like the one that got left behind... it's a bit strange.
5. Having to store up on my favorite found-in-US-only make-up like it's the f'ing Apocalypse.

The first 6 months here were the hardest for me. Firstly, because I moved during the beginning of winter and I used the weather as an excuse to not go out and explore. I hated going outside and to Tesco's even though it was like 50 steps away. I immediately felt like I didn't fit in and that I wasn't wearing the right clothes. I also gained weight from staying inside all day for months. I had never had such a low self esteem than I did when I first moved here. I also felt like sh*t for not contributing financially, as I did not have a job.

I found a job about two months ago after looking for a month and a half, which isn't long at all. I walk into town which is a 35 minute walk, and then I catch the bus to work. I have come a long way from the scared girl I was before. I have lost weight and I work more hours than my husband now! I am the happiest I have ever been and I am glad I went through all of the hard times to get to where I am now.

Oh and by the way, I will have been here for a year in October! I truly believe that if I can make the move, anyone can! Best of luck to everyone making the move over.

Sarah 

The first 6 months here were the hardest for me. Firstly, because I moved during the beginning of winter and I used the weather as an excuse to not go out and explore. I hated going outside and to Tesco's even though it was like 50 steps away. I immediately felt like I didn't fit in and that I wasn't wearing the right clothes. I also gained weight from staying inside all day for months. I had never had such a low self esteem than I did when I first moved here. I also felt like sh*t for not contributing financially, as I did not have a job.

I found a job about two months ago after looking for a month and a half, which isn't long at all. I walk into town which is a 35 minute walk, and then I catch the bus to work. I have come a long way from the scared girl I was before. I have lost weight and I work more hours than my husband now! I am the happiest I have ever been and I am glad I went through all of the hard times to get to where I am now.

Oh and by the way, I will have been here for a year in October! I truly believe that if I can make the move, anyone can! Best of luck to everyone making the move over.

Sarah 

Nice post. Thanks

What is the hardest part of moving to a new country?

I've moved all over the US, lived in 7 states coast to coast, so for me the move itself isn't really the hard part, it's making the decision to move and then sticking to it. I'm preparing for my 3rd transatlantic move... and there have been plenty of "why are we doing this again?" moments. And we are already thinking about the job DH could get in Australia, New Zealand... Glutton for punishment? Perhaps. But for me if it isn't hard, it's not worth doing.

Is it really that bad over there? I'm moving next month and these comments do not fill me with any confidence 

Is it really that bad over there? I'm moving next month and these comments do not fill me with any confidence  

It's lovely here!  

I think, however, for some people, homesickness is a real and ever-present issue. Almost everyone will go through a period of homesickness, but some last longer than others and some are more intense than others. Some people never snap out of it, and so never really settle here. It's going to be a different experience for everyone, and I'm not sure if you'll know fully what your experience will be until you're here.

But don't be put off by these comments. Many of us are happily settled here and have made it our home.

Read this thread:

http://talk.uk-yankee.com/index.php?topic=26229.0