taking a break.

Im new to this site, and have been stalking it for a while. I would love to write an epic story of my relationship on here. But i would like to keep it rather short.
Let me start off by saying, My boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years. I have been in the U.S, he was in the U.K.
We have visited each other, every 4 months or so, since we begun dating. His life has been hectic, graduating college and working on his music, and mine with all the hours i work.
We took a break from each other in February for about 2 weeks. But eventually decided that we wanted to try again. A few months later he visited me for the summer, and left about 2 months ago. This visit was supposed to cement whether or not we would be together in the future, and whether or not i would move to the U.K, or him here...In the end, after discussions with our parents, and each other, We came to the conclusion, that i would move there. And that was our goal. I had never felt so secure or happy about the relationship.
Until a few days ago. After he had left me here, things seemed to spiral. I saw it coming really. He has graduated from college, and cant seem to find a job, he has fallen into a deep depression, i know this considering the concerning things he has said to me over the past few days which out of his respect, i choose to not devulge. On saturday, after a night of him partying and not contacting me, we got into a argument, which resulted in him deciding we should take a break...his words "im so happy with you, and i love you immensely...i want us to be together, but im not sure how much longer i can do this distance. i have nothing to offer you at the moment, and i feel as if you deserve better then what i can give right now, i feel like i keep letting you down and your the best thing in my life..." he continually said those things amongst some very concerning things about being depressed...i didnt beg him to stay, or whimper like a child...i told him to take his space...the next day we chatted online for a few minutes...he kept up his profile picture of us, he didnt delete his relationship status on facebook, just hid it...which i understand seems so cliche, but im a woman...i look into these things. Anyways, in that conversation he claimed he needed time "to see how he feels about all of this", he asked me not to delete him off facebook, or take his photos down in my house, he said he would keep all of my stuff up in his. He told me to continue to sleep with my stuffed animal he got me...when i asked him if this was also hard for him, he said yes...then logged off...i havent tried to contact him since. I have been more level headed in this then i thought i would be...but im just curious about others opinions or experiences with this sort of situation. Ive received many mixed signals...and i fully comprehend that he feels as if he has nothing to offer me at the moment, due to his feeling depressed, and having no income...i respect his decision, but im terrified this time, it might be an end all be all...and that is something i could not handle...
This break has actually helped me sort alot of doubts in my mind...and i know nobody can read his mind...not even me at this moment, but do you think his fears and doubts could have anything to do with fears of settling down...and have you ever experienced anything similar to this...im so confused and heartbroken at the moment. This all just reminded me of how badly i want to be with him.
Thank you for taking your time to read this.

Yes. I have been through that.  All of it.  We broke up 2 or 3 times because he couldn't decide what he wanted.  He changed his mind every 5 minutes and it drove me crazy.  I need plans.. stability.. goals.  He is satisfied with living each day as it comes and never looks to the future.

He didn't want to let me go but he didn't want to commit. Even after I was here, living him....engaged and supposed to be getting married.. he still changed his mind 100 times and I was ready to pack it all up and go back home.  I was sooo close to leaving.. he really has no idea how close.

Then all of a sudden.. one day he just decided that he couldn't live without me.  He knew me well enough that if I left, he would never see me or hear from me again. EVER.  Things took a 180 turn and have been close to perfect ever since.  We celebrated our first year wedding anniversary 2 weeks ago. 

Would I do it all over again?  Nope.  As much as I love and cherish him, the whole thing put me through real hell.  I tolerated way more than I should have.  I have the gray hairs to prove it. 

You have to decide what you want.  It's not easy living in the UK.  There will be times when you will be the one that is depressed and missing home and all those comfortable things you are used to.  He has to be strong enough to support you during those times.  It sounds like he has some growing up to do before that will happen.

I went through this just last year. And I have to hand it to you, it seems like you are handling it a lot better than I did. I moved to a different country for a several months and long story short, in that time, we got back together. But while I was away, even though I was heartbroken, I eventually was happy again and as lame as it sounds, I found out that I could be happy alone. I just know that I'm happier with him but that the separation was definitely needed. Maybe stick to the mantra of "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." But if it doesn't work out, trust me, it will be okay and you will find happiness again.

I have been more level headed in this then i thought i would be...but im just curious about others opinions or experiences with this sort of situation.

Wow, you sound pretty level headed to me anyway!  First of all, congratulations on getting through such a long time of long distance, and now handling this so well. (DB and I were apart for about 3.5 years, and visited at about the same frequency as you, so I understand what it's like). 

My DB also just finished university this year (June), and has also been somewhat struggling to find a job, which can be extremely depressing as it's sort of like a constant reminder of your "worth"  So I can certainly understand your boyfriend's feelings, since mine's been going through some similar emotions. Fortunately, I'm already here, so can be there for him to give him a hug and kiss at the end of the day to let him know that no matter what, he's loved. (cheesy, I know)

There were times in our relationship, where he also felt that he was letting me down (like, he couldn't make it to the US for my birthday one year, or didn't feel like he'd be able to provide for me once I did get here).  I think for a guy, it's just a bit of an ego thing, like, they're the big-macho-Man, and they're supposed to take care of and provide for the dainty-beautiful-Girl. I just always assured him that even if I could do better, I didn't want to; that no matter what, he made me the happiest girl alive and I wouldn't trade that in for anything.

As far as the facebook stuff--I personally wouldn't over analyse it, but then again, I'm still "married" to a best friend from freshman year of college over 6 years ago.  The logging off may be that he feels ashamed about doing this to you, and just needs time to make sense of it himself.   

I don't know whether it's that he's afraid of settling down or not, but that very well could be the case if you were intending to come to the UK on a spousal visa.  I take it that you guys are still relatively young, and maybe it's that he never really saw himself getting married at this age, and still wants to "have fun"--not saying married life isn't fun...but maybe if you caress his ego a bit, tell him how much you love him, and can pinpoint the problem, maybe you can discuss both of your expectations and assure him that you guys can get through the distance together and will be together soon. (whether it means you go for a visit, or move on a visa).

I hope this helps and you can work it out; it sounds like you really care for him.

I appreciate having a few different perspectives on all of this. This morning seems to be increasingly hard for me. I want more then anything to call him, but at this point, i know he needs that time for himself. I guess its the sadness of knowing that not only am i unable to physically support him at this moment, i feel as if i cannot even emotionally support him. I want to be able to discuss our expectations with each other, and sort through all of it. Yes we are both relatively young, 22. But ive never seen 22 as being a horrid age to get married. Luckily for me, ive had some hard struggles in my life, that has forced me to grow up alot quicker then most. So i understand that trials and tribulations that come with relationships, and marriages. He needs a bit of a push in that department, and nobody but himself can do that for him. I would do anything for him, in my power, without of course breaking myself in half...ha. It seems like when hes happy and everything is going swimmingly, he knows what he wants, and knows he wants to marry me, and have a future, but the second everything tatters, or we have a row or hes depressed he goes into uncharted territory and loses it all...
Thank you to all you ladies who have put in your words of advice.
love never is as easy as our favorite books make them seem, but i guess thats why we read books for an escape.

p.s, PickledSakura. He lives in Nottingham also.It is my favorite place in the world.  kiss robin hood for me