You call it rude, I call it succinct

The "how many times do you have to say goodbye?" thread got me thinking. My husband does something that makes me nuts, and I've assumed it was his personal idiosyncrasy, but maybe it's a cultural difference. When I have a question, I get right to the point. Him, he takes a thousand years to ask the question.

F'rexample:

Him: Stoatula? -=pause=-
Me: Yes?
Him: you know yesterday, when I came in the house with my arms full and I put half the stuff down in the hall?
Me: Yes?
Him: well, I went upstairs afterwards and changed into my gardening clothes.
Me: Uh huh.
Him: you didn't see where I put the car keys, did you?


Me, in the same situation: Have you seen my keys?

 

My DH will ask me a question when what he asks is not really what he wants the answer to.

As he's driving us to work in the morning:
Him: Is my security badge for work in the glove box?
Me: Yes
*30 seconds or so later*
Him: So, are you just going to ignore me or are you going to get my badge for me?
Me: You didn't ask me to get your badge, you asked me was it in the glove box.
Him: You should know what I mean.

*Sigh*

Sometimes, I don't understand the question, in which case he helpfully says it louder.

Him: have you made ice?
Me: have I...made ice?
Him: HAVE YOU MADE ICE?
Me: you don't use ice.
Him: that wasn't the question.
Me: um, sometimes I make ice. I believe there's some in the freezer now.
Him: well, I saw a little puddle of water on the floor and wondered if we had a leak or whether you had made ice and dropped a cube.

Ah. Next time start with the puddle on the floor.

I get succinct questions, but even that doesn't help.

Him: Are you going out tonight?
Me: Yep. I have a meeting and I'm leaving at 6:30.

Later that day...

Him: Where are you going?
Me: Out. Remember I told you about my meeting?
Him: Oh, I wasn't listening.

 

Mine likes to ask partial questions and then get upset with me when he thinks I've 'lied'.

August 2
DH: Have you paid you rent?
Me: (Assuming he meant August's rent) Of course I have.

August 5 while looking at my bank balance
DH: You've got plenty to see you thru the end of September
Me: Well, when you count rent it will be a bit tight.
DH: You told me you paid your rent!
Me: I did, for August.  Still have September to go.  
DH: You didn't mention that!
Me: You didn't ask.
DH: You knew what I meant!
Me: Right.

OMG getting off the phone with my husband is like being held hostage by terrorists. He just goes on and one...I say, okay, going now. He says...okay, well see you later, I won't be home til 5, remember that guy I was telling you about. I say, Right have to run tell me when you get home. He syas, wait...whats for dinner? I say. BYE BYE...he never wants to get off the phone.

 

Being British, I'm almost certain this phone habit stems from the innate British compulsion to be polite and not be the first to put down the phone just in case the conversation is not finished!

I'm definitely one of the culprits in the phone conversation 

Me: Alright, well, I'd better go and let you get back to what you were doing
Them: Ok, well it was nice to talk to you, thanks for phoning
Me: Good to talk to you too.  Speak to you soon
Them: Alright, see you later then
Me: Yep, see you later
Them: Bye
Me: Bye

I get succinct questions, but even that doesn't help.

Him: Are you going out tonight?
Me: Yep. I have a meeting and I'm leaving at 6:30.

Later that day...

Him: Where are you going?
Me: Out. Remember I told you about my meeting?
Him: Oh, I wasn't listening.

I get the 'I wasn't listening' routine all the time. He's even said on a few occasions 'You know I never listen'. Yep. I know.

I get the 'I wasn't listening' routine all the time. He's even said on a few occasions 'You know I never listen'. Yep. I know.

I suppose I'm not really surprised that he doesn't listen to most of what I say, but it's when he doesn't listen when he's the one who has asked me a question that gets me. 

Yep, he does it then too. Maybe it is a man thing. I'm not sure why they bother asking the question if they don't want to listen to the answer.

I am the kind of person who takes a while to get to the point; one day at work someone (who must have been having a bad hair day) told me to "get to the point" and I was quite hurt. Anyhow I decided to take it on board and thought about how to shorten things and make them succinct. It must have worked because after about a week my boss asked me to step into a room for a private chat. When she was alone she said, "Trémula, is everything OK?" I asked her what she meant and she said several people had mentioned to her that I wasn't my usual self, she had noticed it herself. I told her what had happened (she said "Oh him!" and rolled her eyes) and about my new resolve to keep to the point. She begged me to stop! So I did.

I can take a while to get to my point too sometimes. I suppose I just like a good story. I've been trying in the last few years to learn who I can be chatty with and who I need to get straight to the point with. I hate feeling like I have to use as few words as possible, but if it is one of those people who roll their eyes, tap their toes and glance at the clock while I am speaking, I will rush through.

It also depends on the person and situation. If it is a telemarketer I am wanting to get rid of, I can be politely blunt every time. If it is someone I want to continue talking to, or talk to on other occasions, I do my detective work to strike some sort of balance on how chatty they want people to be and how chatty I want to be.

Oh this reminds me of my uni! I joke with friends sometimes about how some people just can ramble without ever making a point. They'll reply to the seminar instructor for thirty (very long) seconds and never ever arrive at a conclusion.

Student: What I think is...it is like that in this situation...but I think it can also act differently in another situation...ramble ramble...I don't know.

Me: *thinking to myself* Well, what DO you think?  

I don't really like it if someone beats around the bush when they speak with me. It comes off as passive-aggressive to me 

Oldflatmate: Oh, did you have tuna today?
Me: *thinking back to lunch* Yes I think so
Oldflatmate: You must have used the can opener then?
Me: Not sure, I normally buy the pop-top ones
Oldflatmate: ... I found some bits of tuna in the turner of the opener, do you think that's ok?
Me: Oh, sorry about that! I'll be more careful next time.

How the conversation could have gone...

Oldflatmate: Hey, I found bits of tuna in the can opener today, if it's yours just make sure it's perfectly clean before putting it back in the drawer.
Me: Oh, sorry about that! I'll be more careful next time.