Does it ever go away?

I did keep all my supporting documents in a fireproof box. 

Heh heh, me too. 

After thinking about it, my feeling like a "criminal" probably really stems from an IO at Heathrow treating me like one when I was visiting my boyfriend last October.  Rude wasn't the word I would use to describe her, it doesn't do her justice!  Also, I was offered a job in Yorkshire back in December on a tier 2, and right when we thought I was going to apply for my visa and get ready to move (end of January), my agency (who got me the job) calls me up and says the school district had no more certificates to administer for tier 2s.  Which didn't make sense, but it was in the midst of all the new tiered visa rulings.  I just felt like I've been kicked around a bit with the visa business and with IOs...

My very first trip over to visit then DF, I wasn't sure what to expect or what I would need, so I studied several websites and even called the British Consulate in Chicago for information. Everything I read, and the woman I spoke to in Chicago all said I wouldn't need a visa of any sort for under six months. We planned my visit for five months and off I flew. The IO who checked me through in Manchester was sure I was sneaking in to live her illegally because I came for that length of time without a visa. No amount of explaining about how I'd read several websites and even called the Consulate to verify or I WOULD have gotten a visa seemed to pacify her. She held me three hours, and kept coming in to ask the same questions over and over about if I was married or had kids, or if he was married or had kids, if I had a job to return to (yep, sure did) and if there was anything in the States I was running from, etc. Then she would leave a while and ask him the same questions. She eventually came in the room and informed me in a very nasty, condescending tone that she COULD have put me right back in the next plane but she was going to let me stay a short while even though she wasn't satisfied. I ended up being here for two weeks. What I didn't get was why she thought a person sneaking in to live illegally would show back up to the airport two weeks later if they weren't going to five months later. I had no intentions of being here illegally, but if I had, I could have disappeared in that short time.

That stuck with me during the visa process. I was a bit worried I'd be turned down because of it, but it didn't seem to hinder me at all.

I didn't keep my supporting documents in a fireproof box, but I did keep them right by the door in case I needed to grab them on the way out in a fire.

kkidd85 I have to agree with you.  I have never felt more nauseous and had so many sleepless nights.  It is a hard thing knowing your future is in the hands of a stranger.  What is helping me is all of you on here sharing all your worries and concerns.  The age old saying that misery loves company.  I still feel nervous but not so alone.   

kkidd85 I have to agree with you.  I have never felt more nauseous and had so many sleepless nights.  It is a hard thing knowing your future is in the hands of a stranger.  What is helping me is all of you on here sharing all your worries and concerns.  The age old saying that misery loves company.  I still feel nervous but not so alone.   

I completely agree, I've really found a place of comfort on UKY and plan on being a part of it after I (hopefully) get my visa.  But I can totally empathize on the sleepless-night front... I've had many.  So much stuff running through my head, like what different kinds of evidence am I going to get, different scenarios of what could happen, reasoning out why I shouldn't get rejected, lol.. everything. 

I'm so grateful to know I'm not the only one going through this!

Hubby and I had been married for over five years before I filed for my visa (he was in the States for 4 1/2 years and I was here six months on a visit visa, which helped our case, but there were still some sleepless nights waiting. It even got to the point where I'd wake up in the middle of the night and have to read to keep my mind focused on something else until I could go back to sleep. Seems silly, looking back, but completely natural. One thing I really sweated it out about was the proof of relationship through letters/emails. We'd done most of our talking on messenger and the phone, so I couldn't provide any letters or copies of emails. In the end, they didn't ask for them anyway, so I worried for nothing.

Anyone who needs to vent these frustrations and fears should go ahead and do so. I didn't know about this place back then, but it would have been so comforting just to get those fears out and find out they are normal. Those who are currently going through it can say 'Yep, that is how I feel right now', and those of us who went through it and survived the nerves can say 'Yep, I went through it, and you will one day look back and smile, thinking how it was all worth it'. 

Well, I need this place more than ever right now...

I JUST submitted my online application about 45 minutes ago

I'm super excited that after all these months of prep and waiting, we've finally started the official (expensive) process :-)

AND...

Now I'm terrified because I listed all of my traffic violations.... and someone mentioned to me that if they were just traffic fines, I shouldn't include them... I don't know if this is going to hurt me?

Well, I need this place more than ever right now...

I JUST submitted my online application about 45 minutes ago

I'm super excited that after all these months of prep and waiting, we've finally started the official (expensive) process :-)

AND...

Now I'm terrified because I listed all of my traffic violations.... and someone mentioned to me that if they were just traffic fines, I shouldn't include them... I don't know if this is going to hurt me?

Good luck! I hope your application is approved quickly and painlessly!

Try to relax a bit... it's not really as complicated or horrible as it seems. You do need to do some paperwork, but there are a lot of resources to help you and the things you will need are pretty accessible. It is a necessary evil, but for the most part, I was just excited to get through each step of the process. I was a bit cautious about collecting stuff when I was on my spousal visa, but once I completed the Life in the UK test and got my ILR, I stopped worrying about things so much. I hope to afford my citizenship soon, but with a baby on the way, I have to put that off for now. Nothing good can come of thinking the UKBA is out to get you, it's just bureaucracy and there is always red tape no matter what you do these days. You can easily manage it.

Having said all of this, it is easy to be paranoid, stressed out and overly concerned prior to an international move. It's a huge deal and every little thing you have to do just piles up until your head is spinning. Once you get here, you will find that you can finally stop holding your breath and enjoy being with the one you love. It's so worth it. And for me, the first trip back felt strange - like a vacation, really - because the UK was my home. I looked forward to coming back and sleeping in my own bed and playing with our dog and everything. There are moments of homesickness, but I really think if you truly accept the fact that the UK is going to be your home and you aren't moving back to the US, then settling in becomes a lot easier. Good luck!

Oh, and stop worrying about your traffic violations. I'm sure they will just see what an honest person you are for listing them. 

Thanks so much for your encouraging and supportive words, Jewlz

Reading your message really made me feel better, and I feel a bit more at ease. Sometimes it does take someone else outside of the situation to bring you further back down to earth.  So, thanks

I honestly can't wait to get settled there and fully appreciate how worth it will have been to spend the money and the stress and the time to be with the one I love.  I really wish there was enough time and enough forum space to fully express everything we have been through the past year... we've had the "rug pulled out from under" us so many times, that it seems to go against every cell in my body to be calm about this visa process, and simply think, "we'll be ok, we'll make it."  I can't help but be on guard and think, "This probably won't work out either."  But, I'm slowly coming out of that, and here's to all the hope in the world that we make it