Trying to Move in with UK boyfriend after Uni

What a specific and helpful site for my troubles! I feel welcomed already.

So yeah, I know this sounds like some dumb overly-romantic teenage bullcrap plan, but I am giving this SO much thought. I'm 20, he's 19. We've known each other online for just about 5 years now, and we've been dating since last summer, the first time I went to visit him. Second time I stayed for the whole summer and we had a great time. His friends all love me, my friend all love him, s*** even his homophobic dad loves me! I KNOW RIGHT? I guess I'm just that freaking likable, but I digress. We're long past the "new relationship" phase and things are going pretty great. We're not pining for each other every minute (but obviously I miss him, I mean come on), probably because we MET online so being an entire ocean away isn't that foreign of a concept.

That being said, I'd like to move in with him sooner then later. Right now it's easier for me to move in with him. He'll still be in uni for a year after I've graduated, and...I dunno, for some reason it's just easier for me to go over there for a while. We both want to come to live in the states permanently eventually, if our relationship holds up. That's kind of the thing. We're good at the long-distance thing, but I want to have a normal relationship with him before we decide to look into marriage. I don't want to have to make a big annual $1400 (and that's just for the plane ticket) deal out of spending time with my boyfriend!

Buuuut from what I've seen on this site so far I might not even be able to get a visa unless I already intend to marry him. Which, honestly? I do. When I was over there this summer all I wanted to do was drop on my freaking knee and offer to spend the rest of my life with him, but we both know that's just about the stupidest thing I could do at this stage in our lives. PLUS, if we did want to get married in the UK, we'd have to settle for a civil union. Screw that, man. He's the love of my life and I want to MARRY him, and I want it legally on freaking paper that it's a marriage.

I've got a little over 3 semesters until I graduate. I figure a year and a half's plenty of time to work out how we're going to go about doing whatever it is we're going to do, and this site seems like a great place to start looking for options. So yeah...that's me.

Hello!

Welcome to UKY!

We both want to come to live in the states permanently eventually, if our relationship holds up.

Have you given any thought as to how he could get to the US?  As same sex marriage is not recognized in the US on a federal level, he wouldn't be able to qualify for a visa as your partner and would have to find another way to move to the US.  Is there any visa he could qualify for on his own merits?  It may be something to keep in mind for the future.

We're good at the long-distance thing, but I want to have a normal relationship with him before we decide to look into marriage.

Unfortunately, there is not any visa that would allow you to live in the UK just to have a relationship with someone unless you are committed to getting married to that person very soon. (I know, we all wish there were!)  If you are highly skilled or have a skill that's on the UK shortage list and can qualify for a visa on the basis of work, that's one route to try; however, these visas are very difficult to get.  You could attend university in the UK and get a student visa; however, the cost of international tuition fees can be prohibitive.  But, if you're looking to genuinely continue your education, that might be one route to consider.

PLUS, if we did want to get married in the UK, we'd have to settle for a civil union. Screw that, man. He's the love of my life and I want to MARRY him, and I want it legally on freaking paper that it's a marriage.

Where are you in the US?  Unless you'll get married in one of the few states that allow gay marriage, you won't be able to get married in the US either.  And even if you do, many states won't recognize gay marriage performed elsewhere.  And even if you did get married and continue to live in, say, Massachusetts, your marriage would still not be recognized on a federal level and you would be denied marriage benefits of a heterosexual couple (ex. tax breaks, hospital visitation rights, social security survivor benefits, medical decisions for your partner, inheritances, etc).  And as mentioned before, since your marriage wouldn't be recognized, you wouldn't be able to bring your partner over to the US on the basis of your relationship; he would have to find his own way of qualifying for a visa to move to the US.

The UK is re-examining civil unions (which straight people aren't allowed to have) and may allow gay marriage by 2015.  Also, civil unions in the UK give every legal benefit of marriage that heterosexual marriage does, unlike the US.

Obviously, things change all the time and who knows what will happen in the future.  But as it stands now, that's how it is for the time being.  [ETA:  To the best of my knowledge, of course.]

The UK is re-examining civil unions (which straight people aren't allowed to have) and may allow gay marriage by 2015.  Also, civil unions in the UK give every legal benefit of marriage that heterosexual marriage does, unlike the US.

Also, if you were to get married in a state/country that recognizes gay marriage, it would be recognized just like a civil union as far as the UK is concerned for immigration, etc purposes.

An option that a lot of people go for if they don't want to get married is student visas. Do you have any interest in going to graduate school/would you be able to fund it? If so, it might be worth looking into. It gives you a year and a half or so to live with each other. You might also be eligible for BUNAC when you finish school, which would allow you to live in the UK for 6 months and work at a paid or unpaid internship.

AYou might also be eligible for BUNAC when you finish school, which would allow you to live in the UK for 6 months and work at a paid or unpaid internship.

I was going to suggest BUNAC too

I was going to suggest BUNAC too

I actually looked into BUNAC a year or two ago and honestly, it isn't very easy to find a suitable internship. I don't know if we've had anyone on the boards who has done it since it changed. I suggested it because it is an option that's out there if you could find something but I wouldn't necessarily count on it.

I've got a little over 3 semesters until I graduate. I figure a year and a half's plenty of time to work out how we're going to go about doing whatever it is we're going to do, and this site seems like a great place to start looking for options. So yeah...that's me.

Hello!

Have you thought about pursuing a masters degree here in the UK under a student visa? Its not the cheapest option, but it would allow the two of you to be together without being married. 

Have you thought about pursuing a masters degree here in the UK under a student visa? Its not the cheapest option, but it would allow the two of you to be together without being married. 

Another option is coming over on a study abroad program for a semester while in undergrad. It gives you at least a couple of months in the same country.