New baby. Finding it hard!

Hello all I have lived here for over nine years and have found this site
So helpful in coping with my move from America. I have an 11 month old
Our first baby and feel that this has been the hardest
Year of my life! Even harder then my first year in the uk. I just feel so out of sorts. Not myself. Tired lonely and depressed.  It doesn't help that we have nO family for support just feeling trapped at the moment. I am working part time but spending a lot Of time at home. Sleep deprived with my little one. Thanks for reading x

Coping with a young baby and trying to work as well -- no wonder you are out of sorts and tired! I can definitely relate to that feeling -- that it's the hardest year of your life. I think folks often look forward so much to the actual birth that they tend to forget how tired and lonely they're going to feel afterwards. And you don't just get over it in a month or two.
Do you have any friends/neighbours to hang out with and maybe share some of the childcare? Just to have an hour to go off on your own for a coffee and some shopping is a great help. Have you investigated any NCT or similar baby/toddler groups in your area?
I know its hard to imagine ever being "normal" again but it does get easier in so many ways.

Having a baby is definitely one of the hardest experience full stop.  Much less doing it in another country, several thousand miles away from "your" family. 

As BD says, can you have a little "you" time?  Can someone watch the baby while you (or with DH) go out and do something fun for a little while?  Maybe a movie or some Christmas shopping or whatever you enjoy.

I always loved taking my son to the local Children's Centre for activities (they had activities specifically for babies several times a week).  Are you able to take the baby out for walks around the neighborhood?  Sometimes just actually getting out of the house (even if you're not doing anything) can help you to get out of a "funk".

I'd also recommend napping during the day (when able).  It's easy to try to "catch up" on things when the baby is sleeping but when you are losing enough sleep that it is impacting your everyday life, it's more important to try to catch some Zzz's.

Just another thought...have you talked to your GP/midwife about postpartum depression?  PPD can take many forms and can be at various levels of "intensity".  It is a lot more common than people think and nothing to be ashamed of.  Sometimes just recognizing what's going on with you and talking about to others about it can help.

Hello all I have lived here for over nine years and have found this site
So helpful in coping with my move from America. I have an 11 month old
Our first baby and feel that this has been the hardest
Year of my life! Even harder then my first year in the uk. I just feel so out of sorts. Not myself. Tired lonely and depressed.  It doesn't help that we have nO family for support just feeling trapped at the moment. I am working part time but spending a lot Of time at home. Sleep deprived with my little one. Thanks for reading x

Hi Blondshaina, first I want to send you a BIG virtual hug because I know you need one I remember when I had my daughter (she's 6 now) I was so young (18) and had a long distance relationship with her father (my ex) for that particular time. I remember crying a lot, feeling lonely, always tired and asking myself what did I get myself into? I do believe I suffered from postpartum depression, it sounds to me like this might be something you may be going through. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, but not having your family may be making it harder for you too. I can only imagine feeling all that AND living in a foreign country   Have you talked to your doctor/midwife about this? Do you have any friends you can vent to? What about a hobby or playgroup for yourself and/or with your baby? Like the others have said, getting out of the house and surrounding yourself with something unfamiliar may help I agree that Xmas shopping could be fun too! Try taking a couple hours each day for yourself this could include getting a pedicure, taking a bath, lying down for a nap, calling an old friend to chat or even joining a group or hitting the gym. i understand work AND a baby is a LOT of work so remember no matter what to always be kind to yourself and know you're doing the best you can!

My baby isn't much older than yours (16 months) and I totally get where you are coming from! We were pretty much on our own for her first year while I got my visa, etc, and there were times when it got REALLY difficult and sometimes I questioned ever having a child in the first place. What saved me was joining a mother-baby group very early on. Although my daughter was too young to actually play with the other kids, I was able to go to playgroups and just sit and talk with the other moms. It gave me a lot more perspective, support, and actual friends.

Now that I'm in England I go to mother-toddler groups here, take my daughter shopping, to the park, etc. I chat with other moms but I don't see myself forming any close bonds any time soon. But now that my husband is available, I have been able to go out occasionally in the evenings, and also go shopping on my own - and those little breaks help a lot.

Just know that the feeling is normal - I think that a lot of parenting, for a long time, is "oh god what am I doing and why"

Thank u so much for your responses they mean alot. Yes I feel
Like what did I get myself in to. Especially last nite when I was up
Over 7 times with her as she has a cold. I do have pnd I have been
To a support group but all the mums afterwards were too
Down to keep in touch!  I am considering antidepressants when I have
Completed breast feeding. I think breastfeeding and the pressure I put on myself
To carry on with it for at least a year has caused
Part of the problem with sleep deprivation etc. I can only
HOld onto the belief that she will wean and sleep eventually but rite now
It is really a trying time

I personally suspect that support groups often make you feel worse!  Getting wrapped up in someone else's problems doesn't make your own problems feel any better necessarily. It's good to know that other people are going/have gone through these things but you also need some upbeat people to take you out of yourself.

Breast feeding can be tough physically but it can often make you feel more relaxed. My midwife recommended having a glass of stout every evening!  Mackeson's didn't do much for my figure but it did help me relax. I think it was supposed to help build you up as well.  Might be worth a try (?)

The first year is NO DOUBT the toughest, but it gets better (or some people will say it just changes)!  My daughter is 2.5 now and you have to wonder why we are doing it again (have another one coming in January!).  I can remember that the sleep deprivation is super hard as well as feeling isolated from other adults, breastfeeding, etc.  Moms groups helped me a lot just to get out of the house and talk with other women who were going through the same thing.  But now that my 2.5 year old is talking and gaining independence and sleeping, there's not a day that goes by without us having multiple good laughs - the toddler stage is great.  Hang in there! 

Aw I am right there with you! I have only been here for 6 months though, and have no family or friends to help or support me, just my husband and his family! Which don't get me wrong (are great) but they don't really understand what its like, enough to know how to comfort me or make me feel at home. I haven't spent one night alone with my husband in 6 months and its just like AHHH! We also have a 4 year old little girl that I have to walk an hour to school and and an hour home everyday, and try to maintain a clean house and put dinner on the table everynight. The baby wakes up everynight like clock work at 2 am and 5 am! I'm so sleep deprived its crazy! I understand what it feels like, I feel so alone here sometimes! And its tiny little things that make me feel more alone, and I cant help but get emotional and burst into tears! Hopefully one day I'll get it all figured out though! You can message me anytime if you need someone to talk to.

Oh I feel for you. It's so physically demanding and when you're so far from your family and any support you would have had if you were living in the US, it takes toll on you emotionally.

I had many weepy moments missing my family after I had the girls and being so tired all the time didn't help.

Re breast feeding, stopping early doesn't make you a bad mother and if you feel that it's too demanding then perhaps you need to reevaluate whether it's best for you. Happy mother, happy baby. Personally I found breast feeding so awful. I hated every minute of it and was proud that I made it to 3 months but, boy oh boy, was I glad to be done with it. And I felt free which helped my mood to no end.

Things will get better, hon. Big hugs.