I used to live in Horsham, which was fantastic and had quite a few people working at Gatwick living there. Train to Gatwick is very easy, traffic through Crawley isn't great at rush hour. More than happy to answer any specific questions you have about it.
Other than that in the area, I wouldn't recommend Crawley (I know a couple of people through the Army who claimed they felt safer stationed in Iraq than in Crawley, although that's probably hyperbole - it isn't the nicest place though). Haywards Heath is nice, Burgess Hill apparently has really good schools and seems to be full of young families but otherwise is a bit of a dump. Not sure about East Grinstead and Forest Row. Other than that for what you're after you're looking at getting the train in from Redhill, Brighton or Croydon - all doable, but I don't really know the areas.