losing hope, borderline panicking

Perhaps Im just overly emotional or paranoid today, but I am starting to feel as if things arent going to work out for my fiance and I, not due to a flaw in our relationship, but due to the complications of moving overseas. I know we love eachother enough that we will eventually figure things out, but right now I am terrified about the financial aspect of the move. I am graduating college in April, and intend to move over to England the following September ('05). But the costs of a fiancee visa, the plane trips, the wedding....its got me scared. Mostly because after all that, how on earth are we supposed to find an affordable place to live, especially since I can't work on a fiancee visa (at least I dont think...)? And how are we supposed to get the fiancee visa for me proving we have somewhere to live if we technically won't yet? His mum said we could stay there at her place until we found a flat, but is that good enough for us to get the visa?  As I type this out I am starting to realize I may be overreacting and that it will be ok, but I dont know...its a year off and all I know is if I am going to feel this anxious about it for an entire year, I may just lose my mind! :\\\'(

I know that things like this can be very stressful, but let's look at the positive aspects of all of this.  Yes, the costs for moving overseas can add up, but you have a year (Sep 05) to save some money...as does your Fiance.  That also means that you have a year to decide what you want for your wedding...how big? what country? what sort of budget?  And remember, it's not the wedding that is important, it is the marriage, so even if you have to make one or two small sacrifices on the "dream wedding" as long as it's a dream marriage, it won't make a difference (however, that means small sacrifices...if you really want a church wedding with the big fluffy white gown, don't conceed to a registras office in a summer dress...)

Here are a couple of things to look at (ideas I've thought of for my own situation).  If you are going to be living in the UK starting Sep 05, and you KNOW that now, then concider sending / taking stuff over when you visit your fiance or when he comes to visit you, send him home with stuff.  That will save on shipping costs, and can work both ways if he is to move Stateside after the wedding.

Myself, I am getting married in May of 2005, so I understand many of your fears and paranoia.  My parents are of humble financial background, so the whole wedding, visas and relocation thing is on us (though we don't yet know if we will live in Scotland or Seattle).  I am lucky in that Paul makes a decent wage and I just got a great job so we are both able to save money for the impending events.

I'm sure that things will start to feel more secure as you get a little closer to the big day.  We are always here if you need us!!

I remember the first feelings of being so overwhelmed once we made the decision to get married and I'd move. I didn't even know how to tackle it, so I started to research. And started saving. You've got options that can cut costs if you wish, they're not for every one though.

Some people have gone straight for the spousal visa, that saves you having to pay for the fiance one, and then paying for the next visa within 6 months. You can't work while you're on the fiance visa. You can have someone to provide a place for you to live once you arrive, they just have to provide additional bits of information when you're applying for your visa.

You can have a simple wedding or just a ceremony to make it legal and then have a bigger wedding/party for family and friends later - many people here have had 2 "weddings".

I started making lists, and set mini goals... that helped me break things down into smaller chunks, and it felt less overwhelming. These boards are a wonderful place for support, and ideas. You can get through this, just try not to let the stress of it all get in the way.

I wish you the best.

Thanks ladies. Ive calmed down a little since this morning. I think I just got overwhelmed. I know I will be able to research things and as  Iget more info, I will feel more secure. Thanks again though! 

I have posted a the list of required documentation that we got when we submitted the form.  I posted this under fiance visa list.  You might want to start getting certain simple things now....trust me doing it last minute adds lots of stress.  If you don't have your birth certificate and passport yet order them.  Start saving bank statements and make sure to write cards and letters back and forth (even if you talk mainly online).  Save any tickets from visits and make sure to take photos together.  Thinking about it now is better than worrying about it later.

Just an idea. . . since you will be a recent graduate, have you considered BUNAC?  That way you can work when you first get here (probably not at your dream job, but at least you could make some cash). 

I posted this under fiance visa list.  You might want to start getting certain simple things now....trust me doing it last minute adds lots of stress.

I didn't want to comment on the fiance visa list, but rather in terms of planning and forward thinking...

Fiances and prospective fiances would be advised to remember that they are on a 3 year track for naturalisation.  And part of the naturalisation requires a complete list of travel dates in and out of the UK going back 5 years.  It means that travel history needs to extend back 2 years before receiving the fiance visa. 

Additional costs in processing the application for naturalisation can be avoided by keeping this in mind early on.  It's hellishly frustrating and error-prone to try to unravel travel history with passport stamps alone...

woah garry you just scared me....are you saying we need to have been traveling back and forth for 2 years before i can get the visa? it will have been about a year and a half, but not quite 2 when i go to apply.

woah garry you just scared me....are you saying we need to have been traveling back and forth for 2 years before i can get the visa? it will have been about a year and a half, but not quite 2 when i go to apply.

No, that's not what he's saying.  What he's saying is that if you intend to apply for citizenship, the application requires you to list all the dates you have flown to and from the UK for the last 5 years, i.e., so that will include any dates prior to when you came to the UK to live.  I think what he's trying to communicate here is that it would be a good idea to begin keeping a list of those dates NOW, rather than waiting until you're eligible to apply where you may not remember, may not have the dates clearly marked anywhere, etc.  Overall, it may cause some headache trying to fill in that section of the application.  If you know you intend to apply for naturalisation and you begin keeping a list, then it's one less thing to worry about when the time comes. 

If you know you intend to apply for naturalisation and you begin keeping a list, then it's one less thing to worry about when the time comes. 

Well put. 

And they like it when people take the application process seriously.  And the rules say that evidence of planning is to weigh heavily in the applicant's favour.

oh ok. guess i got a little too wound up there. Thanks for the clarification