So ready for it to be over....

I'm on another forum that has given me much comfort over the years and continued support but no one over there knows EXACTLY how I feel right now, so I came to Yankee to vent.

I'm frustrated and I'm scared. All these visa changes being up in the air and them jacking the yearly income requirement up (possibly) has my nerves on end. I'm a control freak and worrier to my very core. I LOATH having someone else decide an aspect of my life but that's sadly what this process is about, right? I want to be the one who decides if I can be with my husband but I can't. I'm also scared we won't meet the new requirements by a few HUNDRED pounds a year on what my husband now makes. I just try to take it day by day and that no news is good news but at the end of the day, I'm worried. And I don't know how to NOT worry.

I'm not even sure what I'm asking or if I am asking for something, I just needed to get it off my chest....

I'm on another forum that has given me much comfort over the years and continued support but no one over there knows EXACTLY how I feel right now, so I came to Yankee to vent.

I'm frustrated and I'm scared. All these visa changes being up in the air and them jacking the yearly income requirement up (possibly) has my nerves on end. I'm a control freak and worrier to my very core. I LOATH having someone else decide an aspect of my life but that's sadly what this process is about, right? I want to be the one who decides if I can be with my husband but I can't. I'm also scared we won't meet the new requirements by a few HUNDRED pounds a year on what my husband now makes. I just try to take it day by day and that no news is good news but at the end of the day, I'm worried. And I don't know how to NOT worry.

I'm not even sure what I'm asking or if I am asking for something, I just needed to get it off my chest....

I find your username a little bit ironic however... 

I have the same issue about worrying over things I cannot control as well. You have no control over whether the visa requirements are changed or not. We all want to be the ones who decide when/how we'll be with our SO's but sadly it doesn't work that way in our cases. The only advice anyone can give is to take a deep breath and just let what happens, happen. Worrying about it will not change how things work out. I've always said worrying and stress will be the death of me and it's true. You should really look into meditation, it has really helped me calm down and I was just watching something on YouTube..

Fear

I doubt you'll sit through the whole thing but, it is really empowering to listen to it. I hope you and your hubby the best. I've found most people that worry endlessly about these kinds of things (myself included) are also just chronic worriers and stress themselves out over life in general. Try your best not to worry and know you're not the only one

hahaha, I know right? I really am an optimistic person (I always try to find the silver lining in everything) but I'm a worrier. No wonder I get headaches so often, lol.

thank you so much for the reply. I will def. give the video a full watch when I'm not half asleep. A few people have suggusted meditation in the past to me and i've just never thought about the subject a lot. It does help to know I'm not alone, I suppose it's more of the fear of knowing there is a chance I wont be able to move to the UK when it's the best life for us. We'll work with whatever the universe gives us but I still find myself worrying.

I'm sure you are, but this of course is an extremely stressful situation. I think about it a lot as well. My boyfriend and I are just really starting our relationship out, even though we've known eachother for a long time, and I always catch myself thinking "What if the requirements for money go up by the time we want to get married? What if this happens? What if I get refused a visa?" and that's just all rubbish. It creates such a burden because YOUR WHOLE LIFE is like.. hanging by a thread on this visa and to another person who gets to decide your future. Which is unfair when you really just want to be with your other half. So I totally get where you're coming from. Even if the worse happens, a refusal, you can always re-do it and try again. People have gotten their fiancee visas and IRL's with refusals and whatnot as long as they are truthful. Try not to lose hope, you WILL be with each-other eventually, just try and be that optimistic girl I know ya got in you

Thank you so much MandyBoo, it def. does help to know there are others in the exact same position going through the same emotions.

It's no trouble at all! If you ever need a chat definitely post something, I know I sometimes clog this place with my posts. I'm sure someone on here can always pick you up and put you back where you need to be. That's what we're all here for, LDRs are extremely tough, but you're fighting your way through and you'll be a stronger person for it when you're eventually with each-other for good. Then you'll be dying for some time away from him! lol. I joke!

Things will be alright for you and your hubby in the long run!

((hugs to you))

It just feels like forever since we got married (which was only in October) and hopefully we can apply in Aug/Sept if they don't raise the income so Hopefully he can fly in at the end of October and both of us fly out on Nov. 5th back to the UK. I guess the distance is in one of those dragging stages and it's taking me with it this time.

Thank you again though. Truly.

I know how that is. My boyfriend was just here in January and it feels like so long ago. It's definitely hard when you can see him and hear his voice on Skype but you can't touch him or just sit there and just enjoy his company. It's such a bittersweet technology.

But years pass by like nothing, before you know it August will be here and you can apply! You're right, it's just dragging on now because you're sad. And I can't blame you, I'm kinda sad right here with you reading about your own experience. Keep your chin up though, we'll be here to help you for that dragging on period

You're most welcome, it's no trouble at all

I am also generally an optimistic person and believe everything will work out but the visa process was hairpulling, nerve wrecking. There are few times in our lives where the whole future of our life decisions are in some complete stranger's hands. It isn't easy-- but the huge majority of the time it comes out fine and is a wonderful feeling when that visa is in hand! Vent away--we do understand!

Sending you massive hugs, MandyBoo and optomisticgirl!

MandyBoo, I remember when my relationship with DF was first starting out and we were looking into the legalities of what needed to be done. It was frustrating, overwhelming and scary because we weren't ready for marriage at the time and we felt like if/when we did reach that point, the rules might be so different that being together would never be an option. But here I am on the other side of things and it has all worked out. In some ways it feels like it took forever to get to this point, but in other ways it feels like a blink of the eye.

optomisticgirl, August will be here before you know it! Keep busy. When DF and I were in between visits and just before I moved over, I felt that time passed quicker if I mini-milestones along the way. We had a set chat schedule and I made sure to be busy on the days we weren't talking. Keep yourself occupied and try to go out and do things/eat things that you won't be able to do/eat once you move over.

Thank you all again. In truth since I saw him in October it HAS flown by. It's APRIL already! My birthday is a week away - eck! This time last year time was dragging by so badly. We were planning on getting married in Feb. '11 but an accident (which my husband wasn't IN, thank God) caused him to miss his flight over on V-Day so we had to scrap the whole trip and hadn't seen each other since Oct. '10. So this time when we said goodbye in October we knew it would be a whole year inbetween visits.

But from then until now really has flown compared to last year. I'm trying to just put my head down and keep chugging, working long stretches at a time helps! I haven't been sleeping properly the last month and I wonder if that's part of the reason. Just seems llike no matter how much sleep I get, I'm exhausted when I wake up.

Sending you massive hugs, MandyBoo and optomisticgirl!

MandyBoo, I remember when my relationship with DF was first starting out and we were looking into the legalities of what needed to be done. It was frustrating, overwhelming and scary because we weren't ready for marriage at the time and we felt like if/when we did reach that point, the rules might be so different that being together would never be an option. But here I am on the other side of things and it has all worked out. In some ways it feels like it took forever to get to this point, but in other ways it feels like a blink of the eye.

Aw, thank you so much! It's nice to see someone around my age here that knows what I'm going through. I don't mean to knock anyone here that is older, just being so young, (I'm 20, bleh) really is a drag sometimes because you're just starting off your life and yeah, things are hard. Not to say that it is easy street for everyone else, but.. you get what I'm saying, lol. I just have to have faith and peace of mind that it will work out and that we will find a way to be together in the end. I love hearing your stories btw, they always make me feel a bit better.

Thank you all again. In truth since I saw him in October it HAS flown by. It's APRIL already! My birthday is a week away - eck! This time last year time was dragging by so badly. We were planning on getting married in Feb. '11 but an accident (which my husband wasn't IN, thank God) caused him to miss his flight over on V-Day so we had to scrap the whole trip and hadn't seen each other since Oct. '10. So this time when we said goodbye in October we knew it would be a whole year inbetween visits.

But from then until now really has flown compared to last year. I'm trying to just put my head down and keep chugging, working long stretches at a time helps! I haven't been sleeping properly the last month and I wonder if that's part of the reason. Just seems llike no matter how much sleep I get, I'm exhausted when I wake up.

Happy early birthday! See, years really do fly by, just keep yourself busy and by the time you recheck the calendar it'll be August. I get that feeling as well, it really sucks sometimes. Maybe you should check with your doctor and see why that is. Maybe you just need to take a daily vitamin or you're just stressing yourself out so much you can't ever get half way decent sleep..?

I don't have a doctor (no medical insurance, joy) but I could try taking some vitamin C. I've battled insomnia my whole life (last night I didn't go to bed until 5 am and woke up at noon) and idk. My cat is on a diet and he's being an utter pain in the butt, I'm on a new work schedule since Jan... just a lot.

Well, that's crap. At least you'll be able to sign up for NHS when you get there. Don't feel bad, I woke up at two in the afternoon. Ultimately dreadful day. Ah, yeah that'll do it, stress. :/ Am I the only person that thinks this site should have a chat box? Or some way to chat, it'd be pretty lush.

I won't lie, the NHS was a major factor for me deciding to move over, lol. I have migrains like every week and have not been able to get them checked out for years. I work in a hospital and don't even have medical insurance because I can't afford it. Blah! lol, it def. would.