Feeling Guilty!!!!

So i emigrated to the UK in Feb with our two children fromt he States.  My DH and I told my family in the states in Sept and receivd grief and major guilt.  in part because i was taking their grandchildren from them.  My family said they wouldn't visit because they think it is too far of a journey.  so we skype and facetime to eachother weekly. 

i feel so much guilt about my parents and my sisters that i am concerned this will ruin my settling in the UK.  I am now a stay at home mom for my children, i could do this in the states - i had to work full time.  Even though staying at home with the kids is challenging - i prefer this until they start school.  I just wish i had more support from my sisters and parents.  They are nice enough over the phone but i know there is an underlying - 'how coul you leave us' mentallity.  Advice and experiences are very welcomed

I'm really sorry that they are not being supportive - definitely an extra challenge when trying to settle in. You can only do what you can do and you can only give what you can give. Allow yourself the time to let it be what it is and work at letting it go - it's normal to have complex emotions with such a huge transition.

To deal with these difficult feelings, what about exercise, walks in the park, is there a physical activity you enjoy? What about a diary? Meditation?
 
What about contacting the local council to see what family activities they have on, so that you can build a routine and have something to look forward to that's affordable:

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Dl1/Directories/Localcouncils/index.htm

Also Netmums:

http://www.netmums.com/

What about volunteering to keep busy and learn about your community / give something back, if it works for you / when you have time:

http://www.do-it.org.uk/

Hope you find some inner peace. ((Hugs))

Aww poor you, this is quite a common thing you find on these forums...  

In the end, we're all our own people and have to make our own way in life. Family can be awesome or they can be a hinderance.  In the end, it's their issue, not yours.  They're sad and gutted you've left and it takes time. (It's been only a few weeks if its been only since February? ) -it is a grieving process really-  And yeah, it is a selfish thing for them, but they're feeling like they've 'lost you' - they haven't really at all, especially with technology, but it will take time. Hopefully, soon you will find they'll get more used to the idea.  

The point is, don't feel guilty!!  Embrace your 'new' life and enjoy yourself.  You're lucky to get to live in a new country and that's great stuff!  Don't beat yourself up - its really hard emotionally to do this!!

Sorry you are feeling this way.   I think it is very common though.

I am a Philly girl too (well, Philly suburbs), and my family can sureeeeee lay on the guilt trip! I moved here in September, and my family/friends knew for over a year that I was eventually going to move to England. Still didn't make it any easier to leave.  I have about 100 people in my extended family and moving out of the tri-state area was not permitted.

Nobody came to see me off, except my sister, who drove me to the airport and rushed off to a party. My parents and grandmom went to the shore the weekend before I left, and my brothers didn't come to say goodbye either. They were busy with their Labor Day weekend plans, which obviously trumped my moving to ANOTHER COUNTRY. I was crushed.

Still, I had barely gotten here when my family was asking, "When are you coming home?"  My grandmom makes statements like, "Well, I guess I'll never see you again." (She's 91.)  Mom says, "Your missing your nieces and nephews grow up", and "I had to go to the cardiologist again last week."

Nobody had much time for me that 6+ months I was at home during the transition til I moved here, but everyone wants to guilt me into coming back home. LOL!

I guess my point (I do have one) is that you can't win for losing, so you just have to be happy and live your life. As you said, technology allows us to keep in touch far better than ever before. You have to believe and embrace that you are living the life *you* want to. You can't live for other people. It never works.

I haven't even moved yet (and haven't even figured out how to!) and I sometimes can feel the guilt creeping in. How can I leave everyone I love? What if my brother and sis-in-law have a baby - I'll miss out on everything! I am a big time worrier (not the best quality when dating someone from abroad... oops. lol) so these things spring to mind all the time. But what is important to remember is that you have to live for YOU. I remind myself that I will not be happy staying home in the states just so that everyone around me is happy. I can't stay here in case my brother has a baby with his wife. What about me having a baby one day!?!! It's not selfish to live for you and for your own happiness. People may be upset and sad and even be pains in the a**, but those that truly love you will miss you and eventually visit! It will get better with time.

I found that doing yoga helps clear my head from worries, or at least temporarily makes me unable to think about the 1000 things going on in my head. It also might be a good day to talk to a therapist/counselor so that you can get everything off your chest to someone who is not your partner, your family, your friends. It's good to have someone to talk to who has a completely unbiased opinion and who won't judge you. Someone who will simply listen! Of course, you have these boards too. And even though I'm new here, it seems like there are plenty of lovely people here to help or lend an ear (errr . . . eye). Hang in there!

Ugh! The guilt is the worst! My parents were the only ones that made me feel bad...well mostly my mom. She's doing better now that we're here, but its only been a few weeks. I dread calling because it just makes me feel worse. But I do, as I know its the only way she'll get used to this and know that I haven't "abandoned" them. Even my 18 year old son doesn't give me guilt!Just my mom...which I find hard to understand because I can't imagine not wishing my children happiness no matter where it brought them to in the world. I would miss them...but I wouldn't make them feel badly about it.

thank you for making me feel better people   It helps to read other stories like yours.  And you are right - moving from the tri-state area is something you just don't do!
I want this opportunity for my young kiddies (3 yrs old son and 10 mo old daughter to get the benefit of being able to live on another country.  right now i need to get the routine going for my life again, because it has been stressful since September -(telling them i was leaving).  I am also the youngest of 3 sisters - so it must be hard for them too.  talking on the phone to my family is gradually getting better - but i need to move forward....i also have to reconcile with my extended family that there may be funerals, weddings, and births i may miss.  i don't love anyone less....you know?
I am going to try and do yoga i think and start walking more with the kids now that the weather will be getting better.   Mental healthiness does not happen overnight - but it will happen - i will have to work at it.  and not just for me - but for my children... thank oyu so much for making me feel better and like i am not the only one out there with this

Mental healthiness does not happen overnight - but it will happen - i will have to work at it.  and not just for me - but for my children.

That's a great attitude. I hope you are feeling better, less guilty and more settled very soon.

Phillygirl I'm in the same situation as you.  I'll be leaving in a few weeks, and the closer it gets the worse my family gets.  My mother has all but stopped talking to me over my choice to move there, and the constant questions of why won't he move here get tedious.  I just hope that one day they'll get over their guilt trips to have a relationship with me.  At nearly 30 years old, I had to learn that I can't live for what my parents want, but for what I want.

I will be moving in September and I've yet to tell my family my plans because of i am utterly terrified of what their reaction will be.

I know the news won't be taken lightly or easily. My family is a small one but close knit, nonetheless. When my sister moved out, she moved down the block... roughly 10 minutes away. And here i am attempting to cross the Atlantic Ocean!

What's more, my family and i moved here from Portugal in 1995 just because Mom and Dad thought my sisters and I would have more opportunities here. So, i am dreading to see my father's face when i hit him with these plans of mine, considering all he had to do to get us here.

I just read a post here (sorry, forget by who ) saying their family has been aware of their move for a year now, and have yet to come to terms with it... all i keep thinking about is the MONTHS i have till i have to tell mine, and how will they take it?! In such a short period of time?!

I'm 28 now, and this isn't something I'm doing lightly but something i feel i must do. I don't feel like my life will take off in the US... it may not in the UK either, but i won't know till i try?! Sticking around here for the sake of being around those i care for won't make me any happier. I would hope my parents and family would understand, but the truth is even if they don't, it won't stop me from moving.

So, i suppose this is my advice to the OP... It's tough, and I'm sure given my own predicament, i will face the same issues with my family once i move myself, but you must live for you and find your place in the world where you can be happy. If that place is 3000 miles away, so be it. You wouldn't want to stay in the States and regret never having taken the opportunity to move and expose your children to a different life and culture.

From my own experience, when we first moved to the US, it was REALLY hard to be away the first year, but it gets better. In that span of time everyone will have come to terms on the change that occurred and right now they are just not there yet. After awhile they'll accept your decision and you'll feel you've made the right decision for you and your children.

My view is, the guilt, the distance and the overall sadness is painful but temporary, and only caused by the "change" of things. However regret hurts just as much and lasts your entire lifetime.