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Topic: DIVORCE -- Please Help  (Read 4991 times)

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Re: DIVORCE -- Please Help
« Reply #15 on: July 14, 2012, 10:15:30 PM »
Teddy,  you're welcome.  I think, due to the very complicated nature of your relationship and break-up, that you file simply under "irreconcilable differences". The more you have to prove or disprove, the more rebuttals, offers/counteroffers for settlement, the more money it is going to cost.

Personally, I don't think you should file yourself. I've seen a few people get burned on this. I think filing yourself is only advantageous if both parties are in full agreement on the terms of the divorce, or at least can discuss things amicably.  It may also be difficult for you because of your limitations (I'm so sorry if that is the wrong word, but I know you can't drive or get to places easily, etc.)
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Re: DIVORCE -- Please Help
« Reply #16 on: July 14, 2012, 10:52:31 PM »
Thank you, drofnmyl & Fallgal... I don't think there's such a thing as "irreconcilable differences" in Maryland.  I do know that one year of separation is grounds for divorce, regardless of the circumstances (any "minor" caveats asiide).  But once the year is over, I think that one must still wait a lengthy time to get a court date to finalize the divorce.  And that might mean an additionally loooong wait to get the court day, drawing the final divorce out to 2 years or some such.  I feel positively contaminated by the woman, and like I can't move forward until I get this behind me.  I know that's crazy thinking.  It's behind me ALREADY.  But that's how it feels.  Like a weight hanging around my neck.

Next week, I shall take some steps to find / see an attorney and see if I can get this sorted.  At least get a free consultation.  The thought of even spending $1000 - $1200 on a divorce makes me almost gag, since she's already duped me out of as much money as she could possibly get.  The thought of trying to do the divorce by myself, and gathering all the proof was weighing me down.  Every time I look at one of her emails or other stuff that might document what's happened, I get emotional.  And yes, the driving to get to even see an attorney is an issue.  :-(

{{hugs}} to everyone...

Teddy
In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.  ~The Beatles


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Re: DIVORCE -- Please Help
« Reply #17 on: July 15, 2012, 03:56:42 AM »
I have been through an international divorce before. You won't need a specialized lawyer for that. Under normal circumstances, you could do it on your own.  But, I would recommend that you get a lawyer to handle it for you so that you don't have to have contact with her at all.  Your lawyer can handle the notifications to her and give his address for contact.  I've no idea what a simple divorce runs in your state, but it shouldn't cost more than $1000 to $1200 I would think. When you go to speak to a lawyer, don't make it sound like your case is complicated because it really isn't.  You have no children together and until your recent house purchase, you had no property that might come into question. Your lawyer should be able to protect your recent property purchase in court. Just contact a few lawyers in your area and find out what they will charge.  Be sure and ask for a free consultation when you phone them.  If you don't ask, you may be charged.
Teddy,  you're welcome.  I think, due to the very complicated nature of your relationship and break-up, that you file simply under "irreconcilable differences". The more you have to prove or disprove, the more rebuttals, offers/counteroffers for settlement, the more money it is going to cost.

Personally, I don't think you should file yourself. I've seen a few people get burned on this. I think filing yourself is only advantageous if both parties are in full agreement on the terms of the divorce, or at least can discuss things amicably.  It may also be difficult for you because of your limitations (I'm so sorry if that is the wrong word, but I know you can't drive or get to places easily, etc.)

These are two excellent pieces of wisdom.  I also think "irreconcilable differences" is the way to go.  Specific allegations mean documentation, which means more money.  Irreconcilable differences basically means you two are no longer compatible enough to sustain a marriage--no proof required.


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Re: DIVORCE -- Please Help
« Reply #18 on: July 18, 2012, 10:51:05 AM »
just doing some quick research, I think Teddy is right that "irreconcilable differences" isn't an option in Maryland.  There are some options that are no-fault, but they require a year of separation.  It looks like before that year, you are looking at using either excessively vicious conduct or cruelty of treatment.  Although there is another fault ground of constructive desertion, where her cruel behaviour forced you to leave, therefore the desertion is hers.

I think I agree with the others that without her cooperating--and she sounds like the classic type who would not work with you just to cause you more difficulty--you will want an attorney helping you with the nuance.  I'd do it myself if you both were amicable and agreed or had a good period of separation to make it easier to prove, but I think she could try to make it worse, so I'd use an attorney.


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Re: DIVORCE -- Please Help
« Reply #19 on: July 19, 2012, 01:10:16 PM »
just doing some quick research, I think Teddy is right that "irreconcilable differences" isn't an option in Maryland.  There are some options that are no-fault, but they require a year of separation.  It looks like before that year, you are looking at using either excessively vicious conduct or cruelty of treatment.  Although there is another fault ground of constructive desertion, where her cruel behaviour forced you to leave, therefore the desertion is hers.

I think I agree with the others that without her cooperating--and she sounds like the classic type who would not work with you just to cause you more difficulty--you will want an attorney helping you with the nuance.  I'd do it myself if you both were amicable and agreed or had a good period of separation to make it easier to prove, but I think she could try to make it worse, so I'd use an attorney.

Cadenza, I think you are correct, based on all that I've been able to research. Unfortunately, there is no option for irreconcilable differences in Maryland. You either have "grounds" for the divorce, or you wait a year and can then file for divorce without a "reason." All the reasons I have are true, but they'd be opening a hornet's nest.

I do have two additional pieces of evidence with associated questions. In part, this relates to proving constructive desertion, but the two stand with their own quandaries.  First item -- I finally went through my paperwork and found the original sponsor letter my wife had signed. This is the one that was done before I knew the truth about her not owning her home. She was fully prepared to perjure herself to the UKBA. Since I now have that document, I can prove that the marriage took place under fraudulent circumstances. And so, if it doesn't matter that I went forward with the move after learning the truth, I could try for annulment. But I think it also proves the mental cruelty, and would be pertinent to divorce on the other grounds. But, I'm also wondering if the UKBA should somehow be made aware of the situation? My wife actively encouraged me to submit my spousal visa application with the fraudulent details about her house, but thankfully I refused to so since she could produce neither the deed to a house nor even mortgage payment records. We'd both be in trouble if I'd broken down and done as she asked.

The second item -- I've found the piece of paper the police gave me when my wife hit me and left me stranded and lost on the side of the road. It doesn't give much information, but it does give the name of the police officer who dealt with the case, the police station involved, and the OIS serial number. How can I best go about getting a copy of the police report? I had tried emailing, but got no reply. However, I didn't have the details at that time. How does one usually get a police report in the UK?

Friday, tomorrow, will be our second wedding anniversary. I've been skating on thin ice, emotionally. The full scope of what ha happened, I've felt compelled to talk about it constantly, to make sense of it all, to purge it from my body and mind. My tendency is always to blame myself. Now, when I tell the story, I find myself frequently feeling embarrassed. I think this is a step better than blaming myself, and remaining vulnerable to my wife. But I'm shocked at what I allowed to happen, how gullible and forgiving I was, and I feel like some sort of 3-headed creature oddity because the story is so bizarre and extreme. I'm hoping to get through tomorrow without too much emotional anguish, and after that, I hope I can move further down the line to putting this all behind me.

Thanks again, Cadenza and everyone.

~Teddy

In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.  ~The Beatles


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Re: DIVORCE -- Please Help
« Reply #20 on: August 06, 2012, 07:25:28 AM »
Hi Teddy,
Have you tried legal aide? Since you are a victim of domestic violence they should represent you for your divorce. It's called different things in different counties but I would go there.
You can usually use your lawyer's address for your address. Or get a PO BO or private mail box.
If she has threatened you with email, phone, texts I would see about filing a protective order. There should be a victims advocate office at the local courthouse.

Good for you for escaping, many never do.  They cannot let go of the image they first had of their partner and they have a great deal of false guilt and obligation. You might find articles by Dr. Palmatier helpful.



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Re: DIVORCE -- Please Help
« Reply #21 on: August 07, 2012, 05:12:48 PM »
Liz, when I tried legal aid, they said I'd first have to file the divorce papers myself, then I might be eligible for their help. However, the person I spoke with was unable to give me clear guidelines, such as what the income requirement is to get legal aid. Plus, I got a copy of the form needed to file for divorce, and it's complicated. I'd have to make the decision about what grounds to use on my own. This seems all mixed up to me. I need legal advice as to which grounds to use BEFORE filing, but legal aid won't help until AFTER I file, and only if I use domestic abuse as the grounds, and then there may be some income requirement??

Teddy
In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.  ~The Beatles


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Re: DIVORCE -- Please Help
« Reply #22 on: August 08, 2012, 01:15:38 PM »
Yes there is an income requirement as it's for the low-income but they should have told you what it was when you asked.
I know they are hard to deal with but I would contact them again. Maybe just show up there during open hours and get a packet.
You could also go to the victim advocate office at the courthouse and see if they can guide you more. They do protective orders there but they should be able to guide you some on navigating the system.


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Re: DIVORCE -- Please Help
« Reply #23 on: February 04, 2013, 02:52:15 PM »
Dearest Teddy,

Your story is the type movies are made from! My heart goes out to you.
Are you alright now?  Have you an update?


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