God bless to EVERYONE who has responded. Now so many replies, I can't possibly respond to each individually. Yes, I've now bought my own little home back in the States, just a 1-bedrrom in a co-operative, which is all I could manage after the devastation. Had no choice, as I was in danger of the one true friend who has helped through all of this.
The tears are absolutely endless. There have been nasty texts, emails, and Skype conversations coming back and forth. The story grows more fantastical than one could even being to imagine. I had an exchange with her sister in Canada. My wife had told me her younger sister (some 9 years younger than my wife) had confided in that their brother (two years younger than my wife) had molested the sister when they were kids. When I mentioned this to the sister, she was first of all devastated that her confidence had been broken. But then she said it wasn't just her brother that had sexually abused her -- my wife had been part of it as well.
A bit after this, the sister sent me an email saying my wife was seeing another woman. Of course, despite everything, stupid stopid stupid me, I was hurt. I emailed my wife, "Is this true?" Her first email response denied it all. Then arrived a second email claiming she'd contacted her sister, who denied sending the email -- which I knew (or strongly suspected) was a lie, because her sister had said she'd ended contact with her sister. Next, my wife demanded to know what I'd sent her sister that spurred her to send the email. Of course, my wife had no idea that we were in contact, and she tries to manage who talks with who, because that's how her lies get exposed. But then the LAST email in the string was one saying, "Sorry, I lied. I am seeing someone. Goodbye."
After that, the texts have been much more abusive -- language and accusations too vulgar and vile to post here. Some have asked why I don't just turn off the phone and block her everywhere. It's really HARD to disentangle from an abusive relationship. Especially one as severe as this one. I have talked with a friend who is a psychotherapist by profession. He's met my wife on several of her trips here to the States, and is the one who took me in when I returned to the States. He's discussed the circumstances with some of his professional connections, and the consensus seems to be that my wife is a psychopath.
The whole concept sounds very harsh to me. Though well read, and knowing full well that people really exist who could be labelled or categorized as psychopaths, I'd never, ever met someone like my wife. Until my wife, the concept was so abstract, more like a fairy tale, or like believing in unicorns -- except unicorns are nice (I think!). However, now I KNOW that such people exist.
The problem is that they susss you out when they target you. They know your every weakness, your every vulnerability. Though they have no true conscience, no empathy, no understanding of love, they are VERY could at parody. They can act the part. Knowing exactly where you are vulnerable, they say and do the things you need to hear. They are like a drug, like heroin. Even NOW, I can remember some of the early gestures that suck me in, and cry for what I've lost. The bad stuff becomes ephemeral. It flies into vapor, vanishes on the wind. And I miss her smell, her touch, and the love I thought we had.
I would urge anyone who is getting involved in a new relationship, ESPECIALLY one that involves trans-Atlantic romance -- BE CAREFUL. If it were not possible, this site would not exist, and so many of you would not have had happy endings. However, you may spend hours on Skype, every day, just like I did with my wife before I moved to the UK. Don't assume that time on Skype and even lengthy visits are enough to reveal a dark heart. These people will pour on the syrup and the honey until they get you where they want you. You'll see the cracks in the facade, for sure. Some of the cracks may be blatant, like my wife lying to me that she owned her home and expanding that lie to unbelievable proportions for more than a year and a half. But you'll be so entranced, you'll ignore those alarm bells in your gut. You'll make excuses. You'll think your partner "has problems," but all s/he needs is someone to love her/him. You'll think you've discovered enough of the dark side that you have a pretty good idea of what's going on, and maybe you can handle the bad stuff so you can keep getting the good stuff.
Even as I share this, I know it's going to be futile for almost everyone caught in the wicked web of such a person. These people are so good at what they do, they are master manipulators. But if this warning saves even one person the agony and despair I've suffered, it will be worth it.
I'm going to put up a separate post, but what I most need help with is how to go about divorcing my wife. I was casually talking with someone going through a divorce without the complication of the international factor. She said the first lawyer she contacted wanted a retainer of $5,000. I don't have that kind of money!!! I am FORTUNATE my wife didn't completely wipe me out financially, because that was her ultimate goal. At least that stirring in my gut served to make me wary.
This is a late-in-life marriage for me, and I know nothing about divorce. But I need to get this woman extracted from my life as quickly as possible.
Thank you ALL for contributing -- you've all helped.
~Teddy
