Invitation etiquette for international wedding

Hi-
We are getting married in England in March 2013 and I'm working on my invites and I have a ton of questions!

First off, we are sending separate invites to each country. So my questions pertain to the US invites.

Gifts-I don't expect my guests to bring a gift. To me, their presence and the effort they are making to be at my wedding is gift enough. Should I write in the invitation "your presence is gift enough" or is that cheesy, should I just leave any mention of gifts out and if people ask me, just tell them "no gifts please"?

Information cards- So far I have flight information, such as airlines that fly direct out of our airport and discount flight websites to use. I have also listed that there is a hotel near the venue who are holding a set of rooms for our guests. I have also put that we(the bride and groom) are going to provide transportation hire on the day of the wedding for the guests to and from the hotel and between venues. Is there any information I should include or leave out?

Meal choice- We haven't had a chance to go to the venue for a tasting yet but we are planning on having a chicken dish and of course accommodating those who are vegetarian or vegan. Is it acceptable to guests choose from "Meat entree or vegetarian entree" listed on the RSVP card?

RSVP BY__- I'm hoping to get these invites out in the next few weeks. I would LIKE people to RSVP before the end of December which is when I will be moving to the UK. I would like to take the response cards with me. So this would give guests approx 6-8 weeks to respond, but they would be responding about 2 months before the wedding. Is this to soon to ask people to RSVP by for an overseas early March wedding? Should I give them more time to respond and just have my mom collect and tally the responses?

Thank you!

Should I write in the invitation "your presence is gift enough" or is that cheesy, should I just leave any mention of gifts out and if people ask me, just tell them "no gifts please"?

Even though we only got married three years ago, I've already forgotten what we did! We may have said, "Your presence is our present" or, as you've said, just left off any mention of gifts. I think either one is good.

Information cards- So far I have flight information, such as airlines that fly direct out of our airport and discount flight websites to use. I have also listed that there is a hotel near the venue who are holding a set of rooms for our guests. I have also put that we(the bride and groom) are going to provide transportation hire on the day of the wedding for the guests to and from the hotel and between venues. Is there any information I should include or leave out?

I set up a wedding website for us and included all of the travel/hotel/etc information there - ours was complicated as I had to get people by air to London, then by train to Wales, then by taxi to their hotels. There are lots of free wedding websites available and you don't need to know anything about web design to do it - the site leads you through the process step by step, and it's really just a question of filling in information.

I guess it depends on how specific you want to get. I included information about pre-booking things like the Heathrow Express to get from the airport to Paddington, and told people how much it would cost - so they didn't have nasty surprises when they arrived in the UK.

Meal choice- We haven't had a chance to go to the venue for a tasting yet but we are planning on having a chicken dish and of course accommodating those who are vegetarian or vegan. Is it acceptable to guests choose from "Meat entree or vegetarian entree" listed on the RSVP card?

We did the same - served a chicken dish and a veggie option. I think all I did was have a blank on the RSVP card for people to fill in how many vegetarian meals were required.

RSVP BY__- I'm hoping to get these invites out in the next few weeks. I would LIKE people to RSVP before the end of December which is when I will be moving to the UK. I would like to take the response cards with me. So this would give guests approx 6-8 weeks to respond, but they would be responding about 2 months before the wedding. Is this to soon to ask people to RSVP by for an overseas early March wedding? Should I give them more time to respond and just have my mom collect and tally the responses?

It's a bit soon, but I wouldn't worry about that. If a December deadline works best for you, then do it. The only thing I'd be concerned with is that people might be busy with Christmas plans and might not meet the deadline. But if that's the easiest option, then just go for it. I was already living in the UK, so I had people post their replies to me here - I had already stamped the envelopes with the appropriate postage.

Congratulations, by the way! 

Gifts - I wouldn't make any mention of gifts or not wanting gifts.  Just make sure your mom, mother in law and siblings and even your closest friends if you are comfortable with that, know what your wishes are, as people are more likely to ask them, rather than you.  

I don't think it is unreasonable to request an earlier than conventional RSVP date.  It's not like many people will be making last minute arrangements to fly to the UK. There will always be stragglers, so just make sure the RSVP cards are not addressed to someplace you are moving out of. 

Meals - I forget how we worded it on the response card - but I think something simple like having a tick box...

"___  Vegetarian Option/Meal."

No mention of what the other meal was going to be.  I can't remember the logic, but that was recommended by the woman who did out invitations.  I think she said something about it cutting down on people making odd food requests.  Which you will still get!  Seems like everyone these days has some sort of dietary thing going on and it's impossible to cater to all of them.

What chary said. I wouldn't necessarily expect your guests to RSVP that early (especially around the holidays), but those that do will help you out timeline-wise. You're pretty much guaranteed to have to chase up RSVPs either way, so you may as well at least shoot for the timeframe that's ideal.

There are (free) wedding websites that handle online RSVPs, too, if that's doable. (Obviously you could still print out invites/response cards, but give the option to RSVP online for the tech-savvy.) That way people wouldn't have to worry about postage and you're likely to get responses faster.

You might want to consider some sort of registry, since some guests may expect it even if you say you don't want gifts. You don't need to add actual items to it, though, there are registries that handle charitable donations or funding for things (house downpayment/remodel, honeymoon, whatever). (This is one I've seen listed online.)

Congrats!

You might want to consider some sort of registry, since some guests may expect it even if you say you don't want gifts.

Agreed. I wanted no part of any registry at all, but my Dad (in the US) said that his friends would like to know where we were registered. So what we did was register at John Lewis, then not tell anyone about it. When people asked my Dad he could give them the information, but we didn't offer it unless specifically asked. None of my UK friends or relatives asked, and I wouldn't have expected them to.

No mention of gifts.  Particularly as "your presence is gift enough" implies that those that can't attend should get you a present. I kick it old school and think that an invitation should never mention gifts or registries and I also think those alternative registries (like for honeymoon, etc.) are extremely tacky.  It is a cash grab.

Totally agree with the website rather than an insert for travel information.  You may also want to consider if your US invitees have internationally travelled before and potentially expand what you put on here.

Agree with the others on the meal issue and the early RSVP.

Even though we only got married three years ago, I've already forgotten what we did! We may have said, "Your presence is our present" or, as you've said, just left off any mention of gifts. I think either one is good.

I set up a wedding website for us and included all of the travel/hotel/etc information there - ours was complicated as I had to get people by air to London, then by train to Wales, then by taxi to their hotels. There are lots of free wedding websites available and you don't need to know anything about web design to do it - the site leads you through the process step by step, and it's really just a question of filling in information.

I guess it depends on how specific you want to get. I included information about pre-booking things like the Heathrow Express to get from the airport to Paddington, and told people how much it would cost - so they didn't have nasty surprises when they arrived in the UK.

We did the same - served a chicken dish and a veggie option. I think all I did was have a blank on the RSVP card for people to fill in how many vegetarian meals were required.

It's a bit soon, but I wouldn't worry about that. If a December deadline works best for you, then do it. The only thing I'd be concerned with is that people might be busy with Christmas plans and might not meet the deadline. But if that's the easiest option, then just go for it. I was already living in the UK, so I had people post their replies to me here - I had already stamped the envelopes with the appropriate postage.

Congratulations, by the way! 

Thank you very much! I think the wedding website is a great idea. We actually were working on one from scratch in Dreamweaver but I think it's going to end up being too time consuming and I have decided it's easier to use a wedding website that offers a free website for wedding information. Do you happen to remember the website you used or do you have any to recommend? I checked "The Knot" but they didn't seem to have many color or theme options.

I've seen this one recommended: http://www.mywedding.com

We're not using it, but only because we're massive computer geeks who want to do it ourselves. (It's basically the one thing we actually have interest and skill in.)

Gifts - I wouldn't make any mention of gifts or not wanting gifts.  Just make sure your mom, mother in law and siblings and even your closest friends if you are comfortable with that, know what your wishes are, as people are more likely to ask them, rather than you.  

Good idea. I think that is what I am going to do. I won't mention gifts on the invite and I'll have my parents take care of it if someone asks.

You might want to consider some sort of registry, since some guests may expect it even if you say you don't want gifts. You don't need to add actual items to it, though, there are registries that handle charitable donations or funding for things (house downpayment/remodel, honeymoon, whatever). (This is one I've seen listed online.)

Congrats!

Thank you! We have been thinking about setting up a honeymoon fund in case people ask. I think it would be nice to have especially since our visas are going to cost so much and we won't even be able to go on a honeymoon for a few months after the wedding. I think we will also register at Debenhams for the UK side if they ask.

No mention of gifts.  Particularly as "your presence is gift enough" implies that those that can't attend should get you a present. I kick it old school and think that an invitation should never mention gifts or registries and I also think those alternative registries (like for honeymoon, etc.) are extremely tacky.  It is a cash grab.

Totally agree with the website rather than an insert for travel information.  You may also want to consider if your US invitees have internationally travelled before and potentially expand what you put on here.

Agree with the others on the meal issue and the early RSVP.

I agree with you, I have thought it over and I think it may be better to leave any mentions of gift or no gift on the wedding invite, so I'm going to leave that out.

Yeah, I'm trying to include a lot of information on the invites because a lot of my guests haven't been overseas- most of them don't even have passports!

Thanks for your advice

I've seen this one recommended: http://www.mywedding.com

We're not using it, but only because we're massive computer geeks who want to do it ourselves. (It's basically the one thing we actually have interest and skill in.)

Thank you, I will check it out. Congrats on your engagement too!
I really wish we could make our own, it would be so much more creative and customized. Though I just don't think we have the time now!

Thank you, I will check it out. Congrats on your engagement too!

Thanks!

I really wish we could make our own, it would be so much more creative and customized. Though I just don't think we have the time now!

If you can't find one that works, let me know. Assuming it's simple/basic stuff (no online rsvps or anything) I could probably throw something together.

Thanks!

If you can't find one that works, let me know. Assuming it's simple/basic stuff (no online rsvps or anything) I could probably throw something together.

So far this website seems to have much more color and theme options than others I've looked at, but I will let you know! Thanks for your offer

So far this website seems to have much more color and them options than others I've looked at, but I will let you know! Thanks for your offer

No problem! I think they've got a pretty good set of features, too (online rsvps and phone apps and things), so if you can find a decent template to use they should have all you need.

Do you happen to remember the website you used or do you have any to recommend?

I'm sorry, but I don't. I do remember I paid a bit extra to get our own URL (mynameandhisname.com), but it only lasted up to 6 months after the wedding, so I can't go back and check to see who hosted it. Sorry!

Just have a look around and try out a couple until you find one that has all the options you need.

Good luck!

We did a registry with amazon.co.uk as amazon is great at international transactions and has pretty much everything.