From Salt Lake City, new to Southampton

Hello everyone. My name is Tom. I grew up in the suburbs of Salt Lake City and moved into the city itself about a year and a half ago. I really enjoyed living in the city, as it was more diverse and welcoming than the surrounding residential areas.

I met a Brit online last year and, long story short, I'm now living in the UK to get married to him. US law wouldn't recognize our marriage, so moving here was the only option. I came over for a while last year, but I was in "visitor mode" the whole time, if you know what I mean. I knew I was only in England for a limited time. I've gotten my visa, though, and the wedding is next week. I am incredibly nervous. Not for the wedding, but for what comes after the wedding.

I am scared to death about living in the UK. I already have social anxiety, and a problem with germs which make day to day life difficult. But now, I'm am surrounded by a new culture, a new type of people. And it's really scary.

I'm worried about finding work here. I saw that there is a section on this forum about working in the UK, so I will look into that later and see what I can learn from you guys.

Right now, I'm living with my fiance and his mother. Obviously, I can't work until I have my spouse visa. So, right now, I spend the days away from my fiance, just kinda BS'ing it around the house. Living in this house stresses me out, though, because his mother is possibly the most unclean person I have ever met. Emotionally, it takes everything out of me. I'm exhausted all day long and even though I want to get out and get used to the culture here, I have no energy. I find myself staying locked away in my bedroom.

I know this isn't the best way to go about living in a new country. But I kind of feel like I shouldn't even try to get into the swing of things here until my fiance and I can get our own place (which should be soon). I dunno. I'm hoping that living in a clean environment will calm me down a bit, and I'll be able to clear my head, and then I'll feel better about finding a job and making friends and such.

I know I've said a lot without really saying tons, but if anybody has any advice for me or words of encouragement, I'd really appreciate it. I hope I can make some friends here and learn a lot.

Hi, welcome to the forum!

I do know how you feel. I am in the UK right now as a visitor, staying with my BF for 3 months. I am planning on permanently moving over on a fiance visa in the fall. Right now, I hang around the house pretty much all day, my BF works full time. I quit my job in the US to come here, so I'm living off my savings which is pretty scary, because I want to go out and spend money to keep myself busy.

I would suggest you try to get out of the house, even if its just for an hour or so each day. Maybe try to see it as a challenge. I've never been to Southampton, but is town in walking distance? If so, walk into town, browse shops, get familiar with the area. That's what I've been doing, and it will help you in the future when you are looking for a job and establishing a normal life. If you are normally an active person, can you join a gym? I've joined a gym here and it gets me out of the house for about 2-3 hours each day. I know its scary to be out of your comfort zone, but what do you have to lose? I don't know anyone here except my BF's friends and family. I go into town, go about my day and usually don't talk to anyone here, except my BF when he gets home from work. I am still learning a lot each day, but every time I leave the house, I observe the culture and customs here and I feel more comfortable each time.

Good luck, I hope you can get out of your comfort zone and start making steps to having a better life here in the UK

Hello and Welcome!

 I lived in SLC for 3 years (loved it!) Was lucky enough to be living downtown during the winter olympics... now here in England for summer olympics!  As a stay at home mom, I know what it feels like to be trapped in the house.  My kids keep me pretty busy though.  I'd get out as much as you possibly can, take classes, volunteer, or just explore as much about your new city as possible.  Find a great cafe or book store.  Mostly just try to stay positive- it helps. 

I can't really write since I need to go do the school run, but wanted to say hi and welcome!  I'm from Riverton, UT originally and enjoyed life in SLC too.  Hope things will settle in for you and you'll be happy.  Welcome!

Hi Tom! My husband's name is also Tom I moved from Pennsylvania to Southampton about a year ago I also live in Southampton. I have some social anxiety issues (trying to work through them a bit before I have to find work) so at this point I haven't made 1 friend. I spend most of my time at home..walking around town...or hanging out in the library. Getting out does help to kill some time and it helps to make living in England less scary. Living in England did take some getting used to for me ( I cried at the supermarket at one point because I couldn't find anything lol) but I get more and more use to things all the time. If you want someone to chat feel free to PM me

Hello and Welcome to UKY!

Hi Tom! My husband's name is also Tom I moved from Pennsylvania to Southampton about a year ago I also live in Southampton. I have some social anxiety issues (trying to work through them a bit before I have to find work) so at this point I haven't made 1 friend. I spend most of my time at home..walking around town...or hanging out in the library. Getting out does help to kill some time and it helps to make living in England less scary. Living in England did take some getting used to for me ( I cried at the supermarket at one point because I couldn't find anything lol) but I get more and more use to things all the time. If you want someone to chat feel free to PM me

Hi, did you get my PM? I'm just not sure it sent. Let me know.

Hi

I moved to Southampton over 3 years ago and also have some SA issues. I married someone with similar issues and moved here to be with him, though I think his are worse than mine. They're better now but I know what it's like. If you need a friend or someone to talk to, just let me know.

Hey Tom, while I'm not living in the UK, I do know how you feel in regards to the social anxiety and germs. I have some problems with it too and know how exhausting and hard it can be to deal with. I've had to live with some messy people in my time and it makes me insanely crazy since cleanliness is something I need to have. But like everyone else has said, do try and get out and about, even if it's just a short walk outside! I wish you the best of luck and hope you get on and have a happy and less stress-filled life in the UK!

I'm from Salt Lake City too! Welcome to the UK and congrats on the upcoming marriage!!!