Back to the US

I just returned from a 2 month visit with my love in England. I flew home on the 20th of March.
It's always bittersweet going home. I have to leave my boyfriend but I also get to see my family again. My boyfriend and I always try to make our goodbyes short. I know if I linger too long I'll break down and sob. So we quickly say our goodbyes. The plane ride is always a lonely time for me. I shed a few tears quietly throughout the journey...but the hardest part is everything reminds me of him. Every song brings him to my mind, which brings on a whole new flood of tears. Everything hurts. Even a moment that makes me smile one minute brings me to tears in the next because I miss him so much.
He tells me not to cry, that we'll be together again soon.
But it doesn't stop me.
I'm broken, I'm lonely, I'm lost without him.

Being here on this forum lets me know I'm not alone, even though I feel a part of me is missing. I know it will get better. We'll be together soon. I can't wait until mine is a story of success and I'll be living in the UK with him.
I'm happy that there are so many success stories out there. I can't wait until mine is added to that collection

::hugs:: I totally understand the feeling!

I didn't learn that the short goodbyes were the easiest on both of us until this last trip. We use to spend about an hour together at the airport. We'd have a drink or a cup of coffee (depending on the day) and then sit there with each other for a bit (usually silently, as he was trying not to cry and I was busy crying and getting snot all over t-shirt  ). I had to practically fight my body to walk away and clear security without looking back because I was SO tempted to just beg him not to make me leave. I would calm down for a bit then sob to myself on the plane on and off. The airport NEVER really got easier but this last time I missed my flight so the second time around we rushed our goodbyes and it definitely made the emotions hold off an extra hour or so...

I share the feeling of thinking about things that make you soo happy one moment and soo sad the next. You definitely are around like-minded people that can relate. It's hard for me now because it seems like it's so close yet so far away for me and DF. To be honest, some days I feel so lost and upset because I feel like I'm waiting for my life to begin. Like, as of right now it's too soon to be doing anything for my UK life but it's too late to make any progress in my US life which can really make me depressed.

I think being on this site is nice because you can always find support and other people to talk to that have been where you are to share the burden when other people in your life may not be able to relate

I totally get what you mean! I feel like I'm just waiting around for my life to start. I chose not to go to college right away because I thought I'd be in England by now. But the visa stuff is so difficult we're looking at another year before I can move! I feel like I've wasted so much time here and I could've gone to college to further my education. Sometimes I do feel hopeless but I know it'll be worth it in the end!

That definitely seems like a tough choice to make. I actually decided to not make up the few classes i needed to get my bachelors because it was more important to me to focus on being there than it was to spend any more time here. Plus I just wasn't a happy person when I was in college. I should have figured that out BEFORE 4 years of tuition was spent, but I have definitely learned my lesson...

But yeah, i find it helps to just find little milestones to help take your mind off of it. Like I think right now, I have until august until we are married. So I try focusing my energy on planning that stuff. Or like, hopefully my visa will be all set my November. So when I'm sitting around being upset, I pack up boxes of all the things I don't really need on the regular and put it into a box to be stored or to be shipped. I'm sure I'll have to repack them when it comes time to move but it makes me FEEL like I'm doing something a bit productive. I've also browsed jobs over there so that I know the types of things that are open and available that I might like to apply for once I'm there. I know it's super far in advance but it gives my mind something about the future that's positive to think about.

I get so antsy sometimes for my life to begin WITH him and to do all the things we will be doing together and depressed because time seems to be moving so slow so you are definitely not alone in any of those feelings.