LDR-Can it really happen, advice?

Wow, everyone seems to have met online!

I did the long distance thing for a couple of years.

We did not meet online. My now hubby was a friend of a friend, and he was going to visit NYC, and he needed a place to stay, and our mutual friend asked me if I could put him up in my spare bedroom. (Our mutual friend was in the middle of a divorce and in a full on war with his soon to be ex wife, who was still in his flat!)

I said yes, he could stay, but for some reason he did not end up coming to NYC.

Then, later, when I was going to be in London for a work related thing, I contacted him and asked if he wanted to hang out while I was in town - because he was a friend of a friend. I had two tickets to a show, and I invited him. Just as friends.

And he said yes.

And we eventually ended up falling for each other, and we went back and forth, and all over the globe, for a couple of years, and now we have been married and living in London for two years.

I liked being in a long distance relationship. I could go out with my friends, and focus on school, and work, and then run off on some fun holiday with him!

It was great.

So long as you have the time off work, and the money for flights, long distance relationships can be a lot of fun!

We did not meet online.

  Neither did we.  Every time someone pops up on UKY worrying that they will be judged for meeting their SO online, I can't help but roll my eyes a bit.  Everyone on this site seems to have met online and you all like to wax lyrical about how it allowed you to get to know each other intellectually and spiritually without the physical stuff getting in the way.  Well, my marriage began as a one night stand.  So there.  Physical physical physical and yet we've been together for more than six years now with no end in sight.  Nyah. 

Sorry, and of course I don't mean to say that there's something wrong with meeting online because of course there isn't.  It's just that sometimes I feel outnumbered and I want to scream out that meeting in person is OK too!  My relationship is no less meaningful because it didn't start with hours spent chatting online.  We did do the LDR for about a year, but by then we had lived together so we knew each other really well, and I didn't have internet at home (ancient flat in Prague) so mostly we texted.  Everyone does what works for them, and as my lovely husband would say, it's all part of life's rich tapestry.     

It's just that sometimes I feel outnumbered and I want to scream out that meeting in person is OK too! 

We met 'the old fashioned way', too!  Not exactly a one night stand as we were both on holiday and in the same place for two weeks.  After the first week we got together and spent the second week together.

It's a quote from Friends - in one episode Phoebe was talking about how lobsters fall in love and mate for life and how Ross and Rachel were meant to be, just like lobsters.... 'See? He's her lobster!' was a quote from the episode : He's her Lobster!

I watched that episode last week...for the 80 billionth time. 


DH and I didn't meet online either. We met while staying at the same hotel in Florida and he chatted me up.  We went our seperate ways and stayed in touch online for almost two years before we met up again in London. We were long distance for four years before I moved over on a Fiance visa and got married. So, like various other people have said on this thread, it can definitely work!

Historyenne, same here! We were supposed to be friends with benefits. Oops!

I was definitely not looking to meet someone online, nor would I do so again, nor would I really *recommend* it.
I've gotten to know people completely and "spiritually" that I've met in person loads of times, without the need to not see them in person.

Mostly i remember being in an LDR as frustrating and annoying, not romantic. However CAN it work out? Sure

I had a long distance relationship in the US, 1200 miles, with a person I had met in person.  That was definitely frustrating and annoying. We moved in together (he moved to me) and I remember that was incredibly joyous when it happened, and spent the next few years living together, until it ended.  That was also extremely stressful, because I had spent the next few years dealing with a person who was really upset that I "made" him move and he hated where we lived.  This is not why we ended our relationship, but it did make it hard.   Would I say it worked out? Not really. We we rubbish at communication and sucked at our relationship (amongst other things)

Likewise, I met my current other half online and it turns out he lived in the same estate, the next street, only houses away from me at the time. (We don't all move to the UK for love!  )  That was funny.  We've been together 4+ years, but don't live together still.  But I consider it a "working" relationship...  So who knows...  

Bottom line is, relationships that people work on - work, regardless of the circumstances!  

  

Mostly i remember being in an LDR as frustrating and annoying, not romantic. However CAN it work out? Sure

I definitely agree with you, CB. DH and I were discussing this the other night and both decided that we never wanted to do long distance again with anyone. We did it once and it worked out, but it was a pain in the butt.

Well I guess it is the luck of the draw. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't and it all depends on the two people. I think  the "how" obviously doesn't matter as much as the "who".  Only time will tell. 

Neither did we.  Every time someone pops up on UKY worrying that they will be judged for meeting their SO online, I can't help but roll my eyes a bit.  Everyone on this site seems to have met online and you all like to wax lyrical about how it allowed you to get to know each other intellectually and spiritually without the physical stuff getting in the way.  Well, my marriage began as a one night stand.  So there.  Physical physical physical and yet we've been together for more than six years now with no end in sight.  Nyah. 

Sorry, and of course I don't mean to say that there's something wrong with meeting online because of course there isn't.  It's just that sometimes I feel outnumbered and I want to scream out that meeting in person is OK too!  My relationship is no less meaningful because it didn't start with hours spent chatting online.  We did do the LDR for about a year, but by then we had lived together so we knew each other really well, and I didn't have internet at home (ancient flat in Prague) so mostly we texted.  Everyone does what works for them, and as my lovely husband would say, it's all part of life's rich tapestry.     

No one is saying that meeting offline makes a relationship any less meaningful. If anything, people who meet online have for years had to defend the legitimacy of their relationships. That is probably why those who met their significant others online may seem more outspoken about the quality and validity of their relationships. I met my ex-husband online as well, in a time when it was not at all common. I had to constantly justify the relationship to people who claimed it wasn't real. Even though we divorced, we were together for nearly 13 years, so it was definitely real.

So much has changed over the past 15 or so years. It is a sign of the times when someone feels they have to justify meeting the conventional/"old-fashioned" way!

(I am not making fun. I can just see this scenario in futuristic films.

"We met in person at work..." 
"Ohhhhhh........ I see..........are you sure he's for real?" )
"Of course. We met for dinner and went to a show."
"Hmmmm....... sounds fishy to me!"

Fallgal......that literally had me laughing out loud. My dog was giving me a funny look. It does seem that it is the way it's going.