Halloween Visiting

Yesterday we decided to pop up to my MIL's house so kiddo could trick or treat at her house and she could see him in costume, etc. It's about a half hour drive and on the way we discussed that it would be a quick visit because we had left the dog at home alone and there were other festivities.

Apparently my idea of a quick visit was different from DH's because we ended up there for an hour and didn't end up being able to do anything else. I was really frustrated and we had a bit of a tiff in the car where he told me that if we had stayed for any less time it would have been rude and I said that it was Halloween and people knock on the door and go. If we had gone to my mum's house we'd probably have had a few photos taken and she'd give him a squish and we'd be off again in 15 minutes.

So what are the rules for Halloween visiting? I feel really bad today because DS turned out to be really into trick or treating and only got to do it once; he keeps closing the door to the lounge, knocking, and shouting "trick or treat!" at us. I wanted his grandma to be able to see him but if it's going to take up all the evening I don't see us doing it again.

As far as I can tell Halloween is still pretty new over here (hubby says only in the past 10 years or so has it been on the radar) and they just don't do it the way we do / did in the US at all.

Even my 17 year old cousin (hubby's family) had loads of questions about Halloween and was fascinated and amazed by what we take for granted.

I don't have any kids, but I guess for your hubby and his mum, the visit was more important than the trick-or-treating itself.  I wouldn't get too upset about it, just a little communication breakdown due to different assumptions.  It happens a lot in married life, you've just got to let it go and try to communicate better in the future.

he keeps closing the door to the lounge, knocking, and shouting "trick or treat!" at us.

this is rather poignant...that kind of thing only lasts a couple of years.

Why don't you put him in his costume the day before and take him to Grandma's if it's going to be a sit and visit situation? Otherwise, I think you should have popped in so she could see him, excused yourselves to go trick or treating, then come back there after for a visit. Depending on the age of your son, this could have take 20-30 minutes max to hit a few houses. I don't think you should blame your MIL for the length of your stay. I'm sure she had no predetermined time in her head, especially since it was you and your husband's idea to go.

I'm thinking since you drove a half an hour to get there, maybe your husband was probably thinking an hour visit sounds about right?

Thanks guys. I like the idea of going up to visit on another day, we'll probably try that next year. It's funny sometimes how the most obvious solutions just don't occur to you

I think it was just one of those nights where I wanted things to be more like they are back home They still come occasionally.

Yes, often times things don't go the perfect way I envision them and I have to learn to let it go. Sometimes it's better to do things with no expectations and consider it a lesson learned for the next time!

if we had stayed for any less time it would have been rude

I see it differently. I think it would have been sort of rude if this was a trip specifically to see Grandma. But it wasn't. It was a trip for the child to go trick-or-treating. Grandma's purpose was to witness this and be included in a support type role.

I am not a huge supporter of this idea of 'child-centrism', but these sorts of activities are there specifically for children. Grandma should be, of course, venerated but these things, like weddings and graduations, etc., are ritualized occasions celebrating the emergence of the next generation. It is hard for some to accept this as there is a bit of darkness hidden in that message.   

I think its a problem of miscommunication and different expectations, and please don't take this as a criticism. I've been married for 33 years and we still run into problems like yours!

With petrol the price it is I can see why DH thought 1 hour was a quick visit and, if he isn't familiar with US Halloween traditions, that visiting Grandma was the main reason for going.

And I'll add to the newness of Halloween in the UK, we've just arrived back after leaving in the 90's and were astounded to see costumes in the shops, pumpkins for sale at the supermarket etc.