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Topic: Doing it on your own???  (Read 949 times)

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Doing it on your own???
« on: November 26, 2004, 07:48:00 PM »
Hi.  DH and I have been talking about having kids.  We aren't talking about anything soon, but to begin trying sometime next year.  I am quite hesitant because I am really scared to have kids here in Britain.  we do not have any family here--DH is from South Africa and by that time his family will all be back in SA.  Obviously all of my family if in the US. We have friends, but none of them will be having children or are children people AT ALL.

I grew up in a huge family and was really raised by a village.  I worry about having kids here and being without that support.  Unfortunately, moving back to the US is not an option.

How did  you handle the isolation of having kids without your families around? I'd be interested to hear about your experiences...
"It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses."   Mrs Patrick Campbell (1865-1940) English Actress


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Re: Doing it on your own???
« Reply #1 on: November 26, 2004, 09:54:14 PM »
Honestly, I really struggled with it. It would have been better if my husband had been around more as well, but during my pregnancy he was commuting to London and was gone 12 - 14 hours a day and worked 7 days a week - so I missed out on a lot of interaction that way. My MiL was wonderful, but even then she could only come around once a week or so. I was very lonely, and very depressed. My mom was able to fly to England the last week of my pregnancy and was here a week before Philip was born and his first week in the world, and that made a HUGE difference. I too have a huge family in the States and my husband's family here is very small.

You will get through it. You will get caught up in your own child, your own belly, and your own new family. It will hurt like hell being away from your family of origin - but you will make it through. There are ways to connect. Web cams are great, we used that a lot. We set up a website and I showed htem my growing bump week by week. I sent TONS of photos over email. I made a lot of phone calls. It is still possible to feel connected, but it does take effort - and it won't ever really replace having them with you.

Keep in mind as well - once you have your baby, you can get involved (through your Health Visitor, they'll sort it out for you) with a group of women who gave birth at the same time, so you'll have an automatic way of making friends and sharing experiences. There are ways to be involved in mother baby groups. Look at your local GP and talk to your midwife, there are pregnancy swimming classes and loads of other things to join - just TELL them you need support and companionship and community because you are far away from your side of the world. THey will help you. And if they don't? MAKE THEM.
:)

I'm done moving. Unrepatriated back to the UK, here for good!

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Re: Doing it on your own???
« Reply #2 on: November 26, 2004, 11:15:07 PM »
I've had a child here with very little support outside of my husband.  My family (what's left of it) is in the US and hubby's family is 300 or so miles away and we aren't close to them.  Hubby is away from the house for 12-14 hrs per day.

I've not had a problem with this.  I've managed rather well.  Yes, it would be nice to have a family close by, but it wasn't a show stopper.  Then again, I was an only-child and never really relied on family that much.

Just my 2p.  :)
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