Starting school earlier than US . And other concerns...

This is a multi-level topic.

My daughter is in Nursery now.  She enjoys it and being that it is her first experience under adult supervision other than me she adjusted with no problems. I was hoping that by placing her in a nursery she would make friends, but with 45 kids in her class (3 teachers) she tends to play alone.  In smaller groups or one on one she's never had an issue.  She's not particularly suffering from it, but I know her teacher is concerned and it does make me sad because she asks about her friends in the U.S.  I almost feel like she feels she can't make friends without betraying her old friends (silly I know, but I dobt know how else to explain it).  I also feel because we started a couple of weeks late and most of her classmates know each other from the neighborhood it has made things a little more challenging.  And she told me kids have made fun of her name (not her accent), which is unique but no more so than any other. 

Any suggestions for guiding her. She turns 4 in a couple months and will be joining a dance or gymnastics class.

My other concern is while nursery is fine because she's playing more than anything, I worry about her starting full time school next year. If we were in the US she would only be in Pre-K (or PVK) which is generally part-time.  I feel like we push our kids earlier to focus on school (I'm guilty of it too) and I worry about her missing out on her childhood.  Eventually, we will return to the U.S. so I also worry about level placement upon returning, but that's a whole other topic much later down the road.  Anyone else have these fears?

Thanks!

I totally have these fears!  I worry that kids are pressed to know what they want to be when they grow up far too early here.  I didn't start university until I was 22 and have done very well for myself.  If I had been in the UK system (I have a US education), I would probably be in a trade position and have not reached my full potential. 

I also want me kid to be a kid. 

My husband is British and unfortunately shares the same fears I do about being pushed into a niche so early here versus a broader range of subjects in the US, which doesn't make me feel any better!  Our daughter isn't even two yet, so we have a ways to go before we know how she is academically and if the UK testing based education suits her or not.  If it doesn't, we'll pursue a different education system (including moving to the US if need be).

And I plan to get her involved in after school activities (dance, karate, music lessons, etc.) so that she can develop in other ways than just academic.

How long has your daughter been at her nursery for?

I would say don't worry about it.  She's only 4 years old!  She's not worrying about betraying her old friends, she's too young for that.

She's still learning to play with other kids and she will eventually reach the stage where she plays with others more.  Give her time to learn, worst case she could be slightly slower than others but all kids progress at different rates.

In my opinion, the other kids don't think she's different, or worry that they don't know her, or bully her because of her accent, they are blissfully ignorant of all those concerns.  They are all happily doing their thing because they are only 3.

I'd respectfully suggest that you relax about it


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Also I wouldn't worry about grade placement when you return to the US. The systems are different and placing your child with her peers, unless she turns out to be a genius, is what we found was the best solution when we moved to Houston from the UK. Sure, one kid back pedalled for a bit as he was farther ahead in Math, but it all came out right in the end.

At this age, I wouldn't worry too much about the friends issue. When my daughter was in preschool at 3/4 most of the kids played independently a lot of the time when in the classroom together, and occasionally played together but it wasn't seen as normal if they played mainly on their own.

Re the differences in systems, I think a lot can depend on the individual school you are in and the teacher you have, no matter which country you are in.

My daughter is 5 and in Kindergarten in the US, but last year we were in the UK for three months to take care of my Dad after an operation. The local primary school let us place her in their reception class for 3 months. She went from going to preschool for a couple of hours, three times a week to another country with a class of new friends and in school from 9am-3.15pm. It was a bit of an adjustment but she really loved it.

It was a gorgeous local school with a hen house in the playground, chicken walking around. Lots of time to play outside, with big bowls of fresh fruit and vegetable to snack on during playtime. Lots of play based learning in the classroom. Once a week they spent the whole morning doing their lessons in a local wood, it was called Forest School. And every Friday afternoon the whole school gathered with all the parents to talk about all the good things which had happened than week and individually praise children from every class. On our last week before returning to the US, the headteacher called my little girl to the front of the assembly and told everyone how great she was, how much they had loved having her there and that she was welcome back at any time and gave her a big hug and a present. It was an amazing experience.

Back in the US this year, we live in a county which only has half day Kindergarten but they are expected to learn everything all the children in the surrounding counties learn in full-day - so there is no recess at all, no break, they have to eat their snack while still working at their desks, no play based learning as there is no time.

So for us the UK school experience at this age was so much better BUT it had a lot to do with that particular school and the direction of the headteacher.