How Did You Do It?!

I'm staring at the UPakWeShip Crate in my kitchen....its rather large and ...in the way....My whole life(just about) is in there and it leaves on Monday for the UK. I will soon follow behind it with the rest of my life in tow. I have been packing and sorting and culling for the last month and all of a sudden it is hitting me like a ton of bricks that in three weeks I'm leaving the states. How did you do it? I feel like I'm on the verge of a breakdown quite honestly. I'm excited for this new chapter in our lives and hope everything goes smoothly as far as my husband's citizenship, and while I am not extremely close to my family, I am still having trouble wrapping my head around this change. I'm watching my things (I know they're just things, at least that is how I've always felt until this moment) go out the door to relatives or being sold and the silliest memories attached to the most mundane things are throwing me for a loop.....

There is no one way to deal with it. For me it wasn't that hard, but I'm not the most sociable guy in the world so the connections to family were there, but not that strong. I can still remember the first part of my first year in college I was a bit homesick.....but by the end of that first year I knew I wasn't likely to live near home again.....I LIKED it better elsewhere. I sure wish I had something like Skype way back then though......Back in the early 80's it was just the occasional letter going back and forth. When we moved back to the US for 4 years recently we just left the computer on all day so my wife's daughter could call us on Skype anytime she wanted.....made it nicer for both of them.

Hell, I think I've had a few breakdowns. At one point I thought about faking alcoholism so I could go spend a week or so in rehab, but I talked to somebody who had been and he advised against it.

I don't know if it is good or bad....but life is sort of designed for you to get up and start doing things everyday. So time passes and the next thing you know you are some place else....getting up and going about things. Like a new job....it is so daunting at first....all these new people and things that don't make sense....but after six months....

It's odd. And again something only an immigrant can understand. And it is my major reason for disliking anti-immigrationism.....because, and it doesn't really matter if you choose to relocate, or if you are driven from your home by nasty bandits....it is tough.

Regarding personal items....that is weird too. I am down now, not counting pots and pans and towels and work-related items and such, to just my guitar. 

And I spend quite a bit of time worrying over the guitar. It is my last purely pleasurable item....everything else, at least ostensibly, has a useful purpose. But having played since I was 14, it is also like a thread running through the misadventures of my life. Items can be potent and meaningful. 

But regarding your own situation....I can say that I never liked that limbo period you are in....I mean once the big day arrives practicalities kick in.....off to the airport....do I have my tickets?...remember to hydrate.....pack a snack....all these things. And then you arrive and immediately start focusing on the real necessities of your new life...where do I buy food....how do I work this washing machine...

But as of right now there is just a big box in the kitchen.

I don't like it, and it makes me feel really sad for people who are separated from their families.

I can't be of much help, Cloverbea.

I did it when I was 23, had very few possessions, a rebellious attitude, and couldn't WAIT to get away from the clutches of my controlling family! (We're all a lot happier these days with some distance between us.)

Hope it all goes smoothly for you in the end.

I remember that feeling well!

I felt like my life in the US was ending.  I was leaving my family and friends, selling most things (for me it was selling my car that made it real) and just starting over.  I was on my own just me and my cats (moved for work).  My doctor prescribed me Xanax to get me through!

My first day in the UK was tough too (I was by myself though). 

SoS says it perfectly, just one small step at a time and it'll fall into place.  Remember, you don't have to love the move.  Just try to make a life here but you are allowed to miss things from home.

It's a weird thing, you never know exactly when the 'holy crap, I'm moving 4000 miles away to an entirely new country' feeling is really going to hit you. You know in your head that you've made these plans and that you want to move and start a new chapter in your life, but there's still that part of you that goes, 'crap, am I making the right decision? Am I ready for this? Can I really leave everything I know and go to this new and other place?' Or maybe it was just me?

It's a very disconcerting feeling and made my move so bittersweet. I couldn't wait to move here to the UK to be with my guy and to start our life. I'd been saving up to make a big move anyway, it was never planned to be quite this far though...

I spent as much time as I could with friends and family in the two months leading up to my move. It probably helped that I was able to not work for the last two months in the States. We got to spend a lot of time together and make plans for how we would keep in touch. I probably ate my weight in American food I can't get over here. Jars of Claussen pickles. Too much Wendy's, Taco Bell and Chik-fil-a, Chili's, Village Inn pie, and Smartfood white cheddar popcorn.

I suppose what I'm saying is, spend as much time as you can with those you love and do everything you love doing as often as you can. You've got this! What really helped me was remembering: You've done your research, you know what you're doing. And the best thing is: this is only as permanent as you want it to be.

Talking with your significant other and your closest loved ones also helps, they aren't going through quite the same thing as you but they sure can understand! (Though, if I remember right, you're husband is working to get Irish citizenship but has been a US citizen til now?)

Sorry, this became a bit of a ramble.

We had similar feelings when we crated everything up to move to the USA (Houston) from England, with our 6 year old and 4 year old in tow.  My parents and all my family were very pleased for us but my wife's parents were more than a little upset.

On arrival in Houston we stayed in a rented apartment for about 3 weeks until our rented house was available.  Those first few weeks were very hectic and it was  really nice when our stuff finally arrived from England after about 6 weeks.  Shortly afterwards I had this really vivid dream, re-living the day that I got the job offer to move and turning it down. (We initially did turn it down).  As I slowly woke up I realized we were in our new home in Houston and was so relieved that we had decided to move. 

Back then in the 80's we could keep in touch with our folks back home only via phone and letter but each year we were fortunate enough to be able to go visit them in England and many of family came to visit us, particularly my wife's parents who came over every year for 3 weeks at a time.

This year we are moving back, leaving our grown children in the US.

I hope it works out as well for you as it did for us.  Good luck with the move.

I took a repositioning cruise ship to England which gave me about half a month to get used to the idea while we motored across the Atlantic.  Seeing the ol’USA slowly fade away over the horizon is an image that will forever be etched in my memory even though I routinely go ‘home’. It felt much more appropriate than stepping on a plane in Seattle only to step off nine hours later in Heathrow under the context of immigration.

I remember reading a paper once speculating about how well adjusted veterans returning from the Second World War were before joining regular society again. In part, the author attributed some credit to the fact that it took them so long to get home after their tour of duty that they had plenty of time to decompress and come to terms with their changing situation. I can kind of buy this argument and while moving isn’t the same as coming home from a tour of combat it can still be rather traumatic and I agree that there is value in taking A LOT of dedicated time to deal with this.

There wasn’t anywhere I needed to be quickly and strangely the price wasn’t too different than a direct flight so I took a punt and jumped a boat! And I’m thankful for it. Of course not everyone can take this route but I do think it is important not to ignore or belittle what you might be feeling about this move. Take time, be it in England or in the US, and absorb what’s happening in your own way. Allow your mind to run the mental exercise it needs to and come to terms with the ‘for better’ and the ‘for worse’.

I would LOVE to have been able to sail over. Being able to take the time to accept what is happening that way would be so much better than whats happening right now. We had a big debacle with UPakWeShip and it stressed my hubby and I so badly we still aren't right. Our household goods sat in our driveway for two days while UPakWeShip tried to blame us for building the crate where we did, even though we sent them pictures of our driveway. Anyway, its all taken care of and our crate is in Charleston waiting on a boat. The little things left to take care of feel like insurmountable conquests due to our experience with the shipping company. Plus we had our vehicles promised to people who have now backed out, so we're going the way of craigslist. It will all get done, I know it will, but I was hoping to have some time with my husband to just decompress from all the things we're having to take care of but he's decided to work up until the last week we're here, leaving me to pitch, sell, send, and pack a lot of our stuff that didn't make it into the crate. My house still feels full too....Ugh. Sorry just venting. On a good note, I got to take my kids to the circus which was great and a fun evening for my babies. I keep feeling like I should be taking in every moment and savoring every flavor, but I'm just ready to go. Just so ready. I'm running the spectrum of emotions here and it isn't fun. As soon as we touch down, its rental car time, until we pick up our car and celebrating my son's second birthday(which feels like an afterthought)  I just want some time to let it all sink in and it doesn't feel like thats going to happen.

I had already lived 1000 miles from my family in the US for many years, so it seemed easy enough to just move to the other side of the Atlantic.  That said, I'm very close to family, so email, facebook, facetime and Skype get us through.  I still keep in touch with lots of my US friends the same way.  I've not lived in the US for 8 years and just got married 6 weeks ago here in Scotland.  I had 13 people (family and friends) come from the US, which makes me feel very humbled and honoured and extremely grateful for technology keeping us in touch and close. 

We're moving back to the USA after 7 years away (spent in Malaysia and UK), having first moved to the USA in 1996 from the UK.

I'm going through the "what are we doing" while sorting through all the stuff we've accumulated in the last 7 years, including furniture that we can't sell or donate because it doesn't have the appropriate fire safety label. The emotional side of moving transatlantically will hit me once the flurry of activity involved in packing up our lives here in the UK, finding a place in the US and unpacking our furniture from storage is over, and its back to everyday living. Our moves have all been for career reasons rather than joining a partner in another country so that must make it a bit easier, after all we're both doing it together right ?

Because this is our 3rd "big" move I know much more about how moving affects me. I fully expect to get quite fed up with the whole thing, contemplate not getting on the plane etc etc.! and be a bit miserable once the novelty of all things Texan has worn off! So I say just go with it, take the rough with the smooth and don't beat yourself up if you are homesick, its natural to have feelings. Good luck!

We are here now, just over a week. Bought a car today and that scared the hell out of me! I don't know why, I think it just cemented that this is our life now...Now moving on to trying to get a bank account set up and getting hubby's citizenship  take care of so we can move on to Ireland for awhile. I haven't been homesick really...but my mother back in the states is laying it on thick...she's suddenly sick with pneumonia, she's afraid her cancer is spreading, and she doesn't want to live. Amazingly enough, a week ago she was fantastically healthy :/ My kids are adjusting well, hubby is loving life here, if not a little lazy with getting on with things that need to be taken care of with a quickness

mother back in the states is laying it on thick...she's suddenly sick with pneumonia, she's afraid her cancer is spreading, and she doesn't want to live.

Tough, tough territory.....