Every time someone told me what we wanted to do wouldn't be possible I found out information to prove that It could happen but now I find that even if I'm on PIP Ill still have to be getting an amount of money so I can support us both which doesn't seem possible right now.
Have you worked out your actual incomings and outgoings to see if you can make it work?
Do you get benefits that cover your rent and council tax?
If so, then you just need to show that you receive at least £114.85 per week outside of this.
Alternatively, if you were living with family members and weren't paying rent or council tax to them (or just paying a small contribution towards them), then you would only need the £114.85 per week plus anything you contribute.
It feels like its my fault. Every time someone has upset her saying that it will take 10 years to get her here or that she wont be allowed on the NHS
Yeah, it definitely wouldn't be 10 years to get her here, though if you can find a way to meet the requirement to get her here, it may potentially be 10 years before she could become a permanent resident, but she would still be able to live in the UK with you and able to access the NHS for those 10 years.
or that there's no way we will be able to afford the fees I have turned round and proved them wrong and made her feel better but I cant do that this time.
Do be aware that the fees ARE very expensive - you're looking at potentially £1,000-2,000 in fees every 2.5 years... currently it costs about £6,000 in visa fees to get from the first visa to citizenship, and those fees are rising every year.