Need advice...sharing Christmas?

@phatbeetle I get that too about wanting the opposite! In the past, I would have a lot of issues with my family about the warring between them and stuff but now I appreciate going back like never before.

And exactly about seeing family other times of the year. Like I say, my family has never once pressured us and I so appreciate that, maybe because my parents had moved around a lot as well throughout their lives so know what it's like. Whereas my in-laws have never left the town where they are from and are having a hard time dealing with their sons moving.

I think I'm just feeling worn out from traveling so much already this year. And my last trip was kind of traumatic and I think I'm just needing time to recuperate from that. But it's something that comes up every year and I wish everyone involved would be more laid back about it. I just think it's a bit silly that such a big deal is made out of one day. As you say, there are so many other days in the year, any one can be made special.

Last night my mom actually ASKED me what I thought about Christmas this year.  In years past, they've just booked and told me.     Again, grateful they make the trip, just always a bad time of year work-wise for me and I can't take time off, other than Christmas Day and Boxing Day.  Even then I have to do an hour or so of work to make sure things are ticking over correctly.

I told my mom I'd rather we kept to our normal "we go there in the winter, they come here in the summer."  She seemed to agree.  But then did make the remark, "I guess we'll spend Christmas all by our lonesome."  Of course they have TONS of friends in the exact same situation as them who will be spending Christmas locally and have a grand time.  Or they could go to one of my mom's sibling's houses.

I told her we'd talk about it when we are in town in a few weeks and figure out next year's schedule.  Now that my dad's retired, I'm really going to encourage them to give it a miss.  The airfares at Christmas are astronomical!

I promise I'm not a cold-soul.  Just having worked Christmas for so many years, I don't feel the need to spend crazy money to be together when it's not quality time.

PhatBeetle, I'd love to go away at Christmas with just my nuclear family.  While we COULD this year as I'm on maternity leave, I don't think my husband would be to into the idea.  Plus the cost of things goes up so much!

I too think you have every right to stay home this year, and I definitely would if I were you! She will just have to understand. I would try to keep it in sync and then go next year, but also, things happen, so even in the years to come you may spend two Christmases back to back in the US but nothing worth stressing over or being made to feel guilty about. If you see the MIL throughout the year, it shouldn't be that big of a deal if/when those things happen. It's not anything you are doing on purpose to hurt anyone.

And I am another person whose family has not met the in-laws! I thought that was weird but glad to know it's not just me. My mom has only seen my husband on Skype. There's a lot going on in my family right now, so not sure I would want my families to meet because my MIL is also nosey and has already talked bad about me. This would only be more fuel to the fire, I am sure.

I promise I'm not a cold-soul.  Just having worked Christmas for so many years, I don't feel the need to spend crazy money to be together when it's not quality time.

I don't think being together on a particular date in the calendar is nearly as important as the sentiment.  If you want to be with family and have a celebration, do it, and have it.  But I don't understand the need to jump through hoops and pay extortionate prices to do it on someone's schedule.  Do it when it makes sense for the people directly involved. 

We alternate back and forth at Christmas. This year we are staying here (the UK) as it's our turn to be here. My two BIL's and their families are going skiing over Christmas so we are watching all the dogs (6 in total if you count ours). It's unlikely my MIL will make it to see this Christmas unfortunately (although she has shown that she's a tough woman and not going down without a fight so it's not totally impossible), and if that's the case it's unlikely my SIL will be here because she will go be with her horrible boyfriend (and I really don't want to spend a whole meal with him so not interested in sucking it up and having them to ours). Essentially we are alone this Christmas with 6 dogs (so can't even decide to go away alone for the holidays somewhere warm).

Our families solution is to have "fake Christmas". We are celebrating Christmas early so that everybody can be there (on my In-law's side). It's literally going to be a week or so before actual Christmas. If you were planning on going to see your in-laws, could you maybe go earlier or even later (like January - which might actually make the trip cheaper because it's not directly over the holidays) and get the family together to have a "Christmas" dinner/celebration? If not going there for the third time, could they come to you and do a "fake Christmas"? Or could they as well as your BIL who's single come to you and you can have a separate dinner celebration with them? If you saw your family last year for Christmas, could you not be more brief about your visits with them over Christmas and prioritise your in-laws if they come to you considering it'd be your turn with them anyways? I totally appreciate why you wouldn't want to mix them as it sounds like your MIL is a bit of a liability, but could you mix her with some of your family where you know there will be less drama? Could everybody just leave their drama at home for the one day so MIL won't ask questions and you host at yours or -even better - go out somewhere to eat so that way it's a short period of time where you get to see everybody and you can seat MIL away from the drama? It kills two birds with one stone as you'll get to see everybody and not have to spend the money on flights!

1. It's your life. Please don't turn yourselves inside out because someone else is pressuring you. You deserve to decide for your family (you and your spouse) what is right for you.

2. That said, here's another perspective: My family disowned me once I announced my engagement, and my mother-in-law reacted badly to news of our engagement. We don't have any pressure or problems about Christmas because neither side of the family cares about spending it with us. So, pressure or not, it is nice having family to want you. <3